131–140 of 188 posts
Earlier quoted context omitted.
> Or is it just something unique about her I can’t change and I am just causing her unresolvable stress? Why don't you let her decide?
Because that’s not parenting? This may be an unpopular truth in today’s world, but sometimes you need to make your kids do or try things they are resistant to in hopes it gives them skills to better succeed when they are adults.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
Small tip: look for smiles in the corners of the eyes. This happens when laughter is genuine. If you do things that make someone laugh genuinely, they will probably stick around. How to Win Friends and Influence people is also a masterful book for socializing. It basically teaches you what naturals do automatically.
That's how you can spot if someone is smiling who wears a face mask. corner of the eyes. useful Covid-19-pandemic skill
Earlier quoted context omitted.
Presumably they're creeped out because they believe your emotional responses are simulated and that your engagement in phatic discourse is inauthentic? But how they can they tell the difference? And even if they can how do they know that this isn't also true of everybody else, only that others are superior fakers? How can they even know that their own responses are authentic? I ask because I'm really not sure about t…
In my attempts to discover the secret behind perfect social interaction, people I've spoken to have been unable to explain exactly how they do it. It seems reasonable to assume that the brains of social animals are specially tuned to learn social interaction quickly, as such individuals would more quickly form a cohesive group with better survival potential (historically speaking). The question of authenticity, thoug…
A lot of extroverted people are intelligently sociable and are very aware of what's going on, to the point it's natural for them.
I think that most of those people kind of assume others are the same way and so might not be quite as sympathetic to those with low EI.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
> All previous romantic relationships were stressful and ended badly because it felt like I was walking on eggshells, and couldn't understand why my SO kept getting upset. My wife had similar experiences in past relationships. Just so you know, this is not an uncommon complaint in any romantic relationship. Human relationships are hard. Being "neurotypical" doesn't suddenly make them easy.
> Just so you know, this is not an uncommon complaint in any romantic relationship. It's worth so much to be able to just ask, and the other party examines the issue and their feelings and simply tells you.
I have high-functioning autism. Does anyone have some suggestions for making and keeping friends? When I meet a friend, things seem to go really well at first, and then my friend seems to slowly get bored of the interactions we have, and after a couple months I just don't hear from them again. Not sure what I'm doing wrong. Is there a scientific way to find out?
Interests: anime, programming stuff, reading, startups, playing bad guitar, debating about empathy and being a pedant sometimes. Currently just trying to be productive and improve myself - many shortcomings I ignored for a log time and need to change.
Current reading list includes - some jap novels, how to win friends, statistical rethinking and logic theory.
Current projects include - rewriting my site, start a blog series where I post about everything I am going to do or did to get a product from 0 to first paying customer. That includes all the bad crap I came up, all the bad ideas and absurdism which people don't often share.
(email is in the profile)
I have high-functioning autism. Does anyone have some suggestions for making and keeping friends? When I meet a friend, things seem to go really well at first, and then my friend seems to slowly get bored of the interactions we have, and after a couple months I just don't hear from them again. Not sure what I'm doing wrong. Is there a scientific way to find out?
Hmm... this is just a suspicion. But one possible reason could be that you're too serious and not playful enough. I could totally miss the mark here, but that is what I've seen in my own life. I make a friend am too serious, couple of months later I am all by myself again. So I decided to become more playful, and that really worked! If you are noticing that you might be too serious yourself and might need some playfu…
I guess that is what being serious is even if what you are serious about is roleplaying an abstract machine for days.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
> We are extremely sensitive to the inner mental lives of others and respond both consciously and unconsciously. This is so wrong it's hilarious. Humans are terrible at ascribing meaning to what other people do. It even spawned a saying: "We judge others by what they do; we judge ourselves by what we intend." As such, we, as humans, generally have zero idea what is going on in someone else's brain when they do someth…
Well then what is it that people on the Asperger spectrum are missing, if it is not this ability?
Earlier quoted context omitted.
It's sort of like telepathy, seriously. On Star Trek, there was Deanna Troi who was empathic, telepathic with emotions only. I actually think it goes even beyond feeling to thought as well. We are extremely sensitive to the inner mental lives of others and respond both consciously and unconsciously. It takes a sociopath or an extremely practiced actor to fool us. For the vast number of people, we can read their inner…
> We are extremely sensitive to the inner mental lives of others and respond both consciously and unconsciously. This is so wrong it's hilarious. Humans are terrible at ascribing meaning to what other people do. It even spawned a saying: "We judge others by what they do; we judge ourselves by what we intend." As such, we, as humans, generally have zero idea what is going on in someone else's brain when they do someth…
Earlier quoted context omitted.
I have a question: how do their analyses account for regression to the mean? The headline sex and IQ differences look exactly like regression to the mean to me: https://www.reddit.com/r/science/comments/gtvoan/around_30_p...
Generally, in longitudinal analysis, three data points are the minimum required to fit a line while guarding against reversions to the mean. The lead author is currently assessing data with a third longitudinal timepoint of the ADOS severity measure. That said, the research article tried to guard against this problem by defining the minimum amount of change to be considered a reliable change i.e. a Reliable Change In…
> suggesting biological relevance one might not expect with a statistical reversion to the mean.
Just going to note here that regression to the mean is not 'just' statistical. It happens any time two variables are not perfectly correlated. The imperfect correlation could be due just as easily to 'biological relevance' as it could be to some sort of more purely statistical random error like rater error, so pointing out biology is no evidence. (As in the classic example of the flu patient going to the doctor and recovering afterwards; they really were biologically sick and really did biologically recover.)
Earlier quoted context omitted.
That's sort of the problem. I don't have a solid baseline to work against. I observe certain behaviors like facial expressions (smiling convincingly is especially difficult), discussions about irrelevant things (except that they serve a social function), looking into someone's eyes (very difficult), certain postures that have meaning (you're bored, you're angry, you're... something) . It's a lot to keep straight in y…
Eyes! Eyes! Is what I tell my 13 year old daughter. But she is far more comfortable looking away while in conversation. The theory that has resonated most with me is that both facial interpretations and language processing are very cerebral processor intensive. Turning off your facial tracking algorithm by looking away frees more brain nodes to help with processing and thinking about what you are hearing and saying.…
I'm sure you asked this mostly rhetorically, but I thought I'd chime in with my two cents.
If your daughter is on the autism spectrum (guessing from the context) and is 13, she probably already finds socializing somewhat aversive and exhausting. Pushing her to make the experience even more aversive by insisting she look people in the eye is probably going to make things worse.
But I don't think that means that you can't change it. I would just suggest practice eye contact or looking at faces in small intervals only during some conversations. E.g. have a schedule and do a short conversation once a week where she deliberately practices it.
More generally, maybe try to think of the goal as moving the needle from where she is, not to achieve neurotypical levels of eye contact.