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The Death of Couchsurfing?

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Re: The Death of Couchsurfing?

#231

Post by projektfu »

hoseja wrote: post #163
owenversteeg wrote: post #45

So I imagine there's a lot of people here that don't know Couchsurfing or what the big deal is. Couchsurfing has been one of the most important things in my life, so I'll do my best to explain why it's so special. The basic idea is you stay at a stranger's place, or you host a stranger at yours - completely for free, no money involved. Everyone does it differently. Some people plan their trip meticulously months in a…

It's mostly a sex thing though, no? I can't imagine it isn't.

Short answer: no. I usually prefer to host men and I’m straight. Women can be great guests but my girlfriend gets jealous.

Re: The Death of Couchsurfing?

#232

Post by zozbot234 »

eanzenberg wrote: post #138
joshvm wrote: post #107

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Sure, this does happen, but it's very rare. Anecdotally the most common issue is non-violent sexual assault - e.g. guys hitting on girls. That's largely a risk for solo female travelers unfortunately. If you travel as a couple, for example, the risk is far less. On the other hand the vast majority of solo travelers, male and female, don't have any issues. There are some safety nets in place, like you can get verified…

Guys hitting on girls is sexual assault now?

Hosts hitting on their guests has always been regarded as a gross violation of hospitality. The biblical story of Lot is all about that.

Re: The Death of Couchsurfing?

#233

Post by namdnay »

globular-toast wrote: post #202
namdnay wrote: post #169

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's about the power dynamic. You're talking about someone who isn't from the area, who doesn't know anyone nearby, and who is supposed to sleep at your place. If you are aggressively flirting with them, they may be forced into the impression that either they sleep with you or they sleep on the street. And that would definitely be assault

They are women who have chosen to stay at a male stranger's house. Do you think women are completely naïve about how the world works? I've known two women who couch surf and it was de rigueur to have sex with their hosts.

> They are women who have chosen to stay at a male stranger's house

They are people who have chosen to stay at a stranger's house

> Do you think women are completely naïve about how the world works

No, but I don't think they want to have to take every decision based on probability of getting raped

> I've known two women who couch surf and it was de rigueur to have sex with their hosts

And I know male hosts who had sex with their male visitors. Does that mean that if I couchsurf at a man's flat I should be expecting intercourse for my bed?

Re: The Death of Couchsurfing?

#234

Post by hombre_fatal »

globular-toast wrote: post #211
00deadbeef wrote: post #208

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yes and both are more specific about the type of meets. Grindr even has fields for your sexual preferences.

The number of sexual relationships that start off with the explicit intention of being sexual are vanishingly small. Grindr is an exception because it's aimed at gay men. Most other platforms provide at least a small amount of reasonable doubt. On Tinder you merely select which demographics you are "interested in". There is absolutely no mention of sex or sexual preferences on the app. And Tinder is considered one of…

Well said. The whole gambit of sex is that you have to suss it out from each other with tact and awareness without either person being explicit about it -- hell, even on a taxi ride to a motel to do the damn act.

That means that it's always potentially on the table any time you have human connection going on, couchsurfing included. Nothing about couchsurfing means this isn't happening or shouldn't be happening. It's just part of life and human connection.

After reading these comments, I do think that the miscommunication here is a lack of shared understanding of what flirting is.

I presume some people's imaginations immediately go to a host making guests uncomfortable by laying unwanted attention on thick, like the stereotype of the guy coming out in a short robe and hiking his leg up on the arm of the couch.

But I would like people who imagine that to know that most flirting lives in the banter area where both people are having a good time.

Re: The Death of Couchsurfing?

#236

Post by fuj »

hatmatrix wrote: post #193
mnky9800n wrote: post #170

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Every woman I've met on couch surfing has been a victim of some kind of sexual harassment or violence due to someone they meet on couchsurfing. Basically they stay with a guy and he has expectations and is vocal if not forceful about it. Women would be surprised that I had a bed just for them, didn't expect them to sleep with me, didn't ask them for sex, etc. I hosted for two years living in Berlin. That being said I…

Why would they keep signing up to stay with a guy if not being harassed was out of the norm?

I see someone with severe mental issues doing this, but now saying all women were surprised to not being forced to sleep with the owner is quite a stretch.

Just validates my belief that most "real life stories" posted in the comments section are bs.

Re: The Death of Couchsurfing?

#237

Post by namdnay »

hombre_fatal wrote: post #225
globular-toast wrote: post #202

Earlier quoted context omitted.

They are women who have chosen to stay at a male stranger's house. Do you think women are completely naïve about how the world works? I've known two women who couch surf and it was de rigueur to have sex with their hosts.

Lately, there's a weird trend of the Victorian idea that women have no agency, can't think for themselves, and it's up to us to protect those poor little things. Though the person you did respond to did scope their concern to "aggressively flirting" while communicating to a woman that she has to fuck you or get tossed to the street which is obviously not what people mean any time they mention "hitting on women".

No, lately there's a completely normal trend of taking into account that true consent can only be given without constraint.

Re: The Death of Couchsurfing?

#238

Post by hombre_fatal »

zozbot234 wrote: post #232
eanzenberg wrote: post #138

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Guys hitting on girls is sexual assault now?

Hosts hitting on their guests has always been regarded as a gross violation of hospitality. The biblical story of Lot is all about that.

You're making a common mistake seen in these discussions by creating a tautology by defining "hitting on" as always a gross violation of hospitality. Or something that obviously makes someone uncomfortable.

Let's not forget that hitting on someone is a continuum that ranges from flirtatious banter that you can enjoy with anyone to one's twisted idea of what hitting on someone entails that makes all their guests uncomfortable. Like asking "wanna fuck?"

Yes, hitting on someone in a way that makes them uncomfortable does make them uncomfortable and makes you a bad host. But I worry that you have an unhealthy understanding of flirting if you don't think it's something you or anyone can do without making someone else uncomfortable.

Re: The Death of Couchsurfing?

#239

Post by elliekelly »

abyssin wrote: post #174
elliekelly wrote: post #85

Earlier quoted context omitted.

HN is maybe the only social network that is actually for socializing and networking. It’s also the only one that has figured out a way to monetize a network of people that doesn’t involve counting eyeballs and clicks. Networks are so valuable and important to success it’s actually kind of crazy that surveillance and advertising is the only strategy most social networks have been able to come up with so far.

I've never socialized neither networked here, but I've learned a ton thanks to the quality of the discussion. It taught me a lot about the importance of moderation, and rules in general.

The network HN grows isn’t yours, it’s YC’s. It grows their network of applicants and helps their network of funded companies reach new audiences of users and high quality technical employees via things like Launch HN and the featured hiring posts.

And I’d call a comment a form of socializing. Who knows? A maybe one of your comments here put the seed in someone’s head to launch a new startup. That seems like the kind of socializing YC would be interested in fostering to me.

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