Ask HN: How do I deal with a control freak as a startup employee?

#1

Post by gallifrean » Mon, Mar 14, 2011, 5:24 AM UTC

I have a coworker who I'm constantly getting into disagreements with. Which actually isn't a huge deal in and of itself. If you ask anyone I've ever worked with, the last thing they would tell you is that I'm afraid of disagreements. The problem is that I always find myself disagreeing over silly, pointless things.

At first I figured it was just a personality clash that would work itself out. But I'm beginning to think that it's not me that's the issue here. It's beginning to affect my productivity as I'm constantly going back and fixing quibbles this person has with my work (in once instance, I spent almost an entire day on this kind of thing).

If it were just that they were a disagreeable jerk, it wouldn't be a big deal. I'm pretty sure they'd be dealt with quickly. But I'm beginning to realize that this person has decent political skill (despite having sub-par people skills on average). I won't go into details, but I realize that some public discussions I had with them seem to have been more politically motivated than I realized at the time (with this person subtly blaming me for my people skills and ability to work with them).

The other problem is that they have kind of worked themselves into a position where management can't just get rid of them because they simply know too much about how our servers and code work. It would be far, far more convenient for them to just blame the new guy (me).

So is this a hopeless situation? I'm a bit hesitant to jump ship because my work history in the Valley hasn't been terrific. And besides that, I enjoy my job and the people I work with besides this person.

Re: Ask HN: How do I deal with a control freak as a startup employee?

#2

Post by Udo » Mon, Mar 14, 2011, 5:46 AM UTC

> I realize that some public discussions I had with them seem to have been more politically motivated than I realized at the time

That's something I have also struggled with repeatedly over the years. There are quite a lot of people who appear ignorant, needlessly antagonistic, and generally unlikable - yet they somehow mastered the art of getting a lot of support and sympathy. Often you realize too late that a pointless little discussion was actually a pretty good setup to gather support from the other people on the team. This is usually the moment where you discover that your opponent isn't as stupid as you always thought.

I wish I had something more positive to say, but in my experience it makes little sense to go up against those people, mainly because they're simply better at manipulating everyone, but also because doing so will eat a lot of your time and energy for trying to beat them at their own game. In my experience there is often a reason why this kind of person works at your company: it's either because management failed at hiring decent people, or it's because they hired someone who actually reflects their own morals there. In any case, the company's culture has probably already been subverted. Staying away from these environments is more rewarding than adapting to them.

> So is this a hopeless situation? I'm a bit hesitant to jump ship because my work history in the Valley hasn't been terrific.

You know, it doesn't sound like you are working there for the awesome product and the great team experience to begin with. If that assumption is valid, I would suggest you start looking for another job immediately. What do you mean your work history isn't terrific? I believe you can always look for a startup with a concept that motivates you and simply jump onboard as long as it's a good personality match this time?

Re: Ask HN: How do I deal with a control freak as a startup employee?

#3

Post by maxharris » Mon, Mar 14, 2011, 6:10 AM UTC

The problem is that I always find myself disagreeing over silly, pointless things.

Such as? People disagree about what counts as silly or pointless so much that I don't have any concrete idea of what you're talking about.

Re: Ask HN: How do I deal with a control freak as a startup employee?

#4

Post by gallifrean » Mon, Mar 14, 2011, 6:37 AM UTC

Udo wrote: post #2

> I realize that some public discussions I had with them seem to have been more politically motivated than I realized at the time That's something I have also struggled with repeatedly over the years. There are quite a lot of people who appear ignorant, needlessly antagonistic, and generally unlikable - yet they somehow mastered the art of getting a lot of support and sympathy. Often you realize too late that a point…

> You know, it doesn't sound like you are working there for the awesome product and the great team experience to begin with.

Actually, I like the product and the team. The person I don't get along with is actually pretty likable until you discover that there's a nasty mean streak underneath the surface. It's not that I figured that they weren't smart as much as it is that I figured that they genuinely meant well.

That said, I think it's probably a good idea for me to start looking around now anyway.

> What do you mean your work history isn't terrific?

I was fired from my last job after 3 months for much the same reason, albeit with me being much more naive about what was going on than this time.

> I believe you can always look for a startup with a concept that motivates you and simply jump onboard as long as it's a good personality match this time?

The problem is that it always seems like a good match at first. It's just very difficult to tell how things will work out before joining a company.

Re: Ask HN: How do I deal with a control freak as a startup employee?

#5

Post by btilly » Mon, Mar 14, 2011, 6:39 AM UTC

We've only heard one side of the story here.

My inclination when I consider my work history in the Valley hasn't been terrific and they simply know too much about how our servers and code work would be to suspect that the silly, pointless things that you're disagreeing over might not actually be nearly as silly or pointless as you think they are. And perhaps in the process of figuring out how to do those things reliably, you can improve yourself.

Of course that depends very much on what the silly things are, and what the person is like. Which I obviously don't know. If the silly things are things like unit tests, check-in comments, maintaining the existing coding style, or maintaining documentation, then I'd consider my suspicion confirmed. Those may all seem silly and pointless, but they're not.

If the things complained about are things that I'd consider truly silly and pointless, then I'd agree with you. But if they're not actively harmful, then I'd try to figure out how to adapt myself to the rules, because that is easier (and more likely to lead to productivity) than initiating conflict.

Re: Ask HN: How do I deal with a control freak as a startup employee?

#6

Post by gallifrean » Mon, Mar 14, 2011, 6:50 AM UTC

btilly wrote: post #5

We've only heard one side of the story here. My inclination when I consider my work history in the Valley hasn't been terrific and they simply know too much about how our servers and code work would be to suspect that the silly, pointless things that you're disagreeing over might not actually be nearly as silly or pointless as you think they are. And perhaps in the process of figuring out how to do those things relia…

Yes, and as I'm not about to notify the other party that I'm posting this here, I suppose you'll just have to take my word for what I say. Let's just say that this particular developer requires a much more rigorous coding style than the language's community does. And I would be thrilled to death if we had more rigorous rules about unit tests and documentation, but as it is there are practically none of those things. Suffice it to say, the rules seem to be less about improving our code and more about satisfying arbitrary whims.

Re: Ask HN: How do I deal with a control freak as a startup employee?

#7

Post by johndlafayette » Mon, Mar 14, 2011, 5:59 PM UTC

Don't quit just because you have disagreements. Some studies have shown that disagreement is actually healthy and encourages learning, as long as it isn't bitter tit for tat disagreements (as long as it's not personal).

Don't quit before you have discussed the issue with management. If the managers are good, they will be open to your point of view and try to come to a common understanding. They should explain their point well enough that you can come to that common understanding as well, whether or not there is common agreement on the issue.

If you still wholeheartedly disagree with their viewpoint and can't come to a common understanding, then it may be time to move on. If they dismiss your point of view out of hand, it's definitely time to move on.