21–29 of 29 posts
That book may help, but it sounds to me like you suffer from perfectionism. That may be the area you want to investigate for self-improvement.
"The first rule of style is to have something to say. The second rule of style is to control yourself when, by chance, you have two things to say; say first one, then the other, not both at the same time."
It's a quote by George Polya.
The paragraphs you have written don't seem unprofessional to me.
The best way to improve the "flow" of ideas when you write is to have a clear idea of where one idea ends and the other starts.
For longer pieces of writing, consider intentionally "signposting", by saying meta things like "now that I have explained X, I can set out why Y is so interesting".
Situation>Problem>question>Answer
There is an SPQA for both YOU and your target audience.
What's the problem? Why is it hard? What's the solution? In one sentence, this is your main idea.
Recipe for a five paragraph essay or blog post:
Paragraph 1 1. Main idea 2-4. Supporting points 5. Conclusion
Paragraph 2-4 Reiterate supporting points + issue, cause, solution(s) and supporting points
Paragraph 5 Conclusion + supporting points Transition: New ideas, concepts, studies to conduct or angles
It’s a quick read that will really help you.
several people say to avoid passive voice (I'd agree, but don't believe me, see some examples of this)
https://gds.blog.gov.uk/2019/08/27/podcast-on-writing/
You don't need to listen to the podcast (unless you want to) at the top of the linked page. Scroll down the page and you'll find a short description of each of the following tips:
1. Establish ‘The Point’
2. Write it like you’d say it
3. Don’t try to sound clever
4. Show the thing
5. Know that you are not your writing
6. Share your work
7. Read (poetry in particular)
8. Never start with a blank page
9. Know when enough is enough
10. Stay human
Most important advice is to write and write often. Give it time and you'll not only get better at writing but you'll realize that writing forces you to have clarity in thought. You'll quickly become aware that "I thought I knew X but I don't know details A, B, or C and need to go dive deeper into these."
Write in the active voice, avoid complexity in words and sentence structure. Don't try to use complex grammar or fancy words – it's fluff. A book I highly recommend is "On Writing Well". Most important advice is to write and write often. Give it time and you'll not only get better at writing but you'll realize that writing forces you to have clarity in thought. You'll quickly become aware that "I thought I knew X but…
Although note that some professional linguists consider the book to be "prescriptivist poppycock".