Ask HN: Name one idea that changed your life • Hacker News Board

Re: Ask HN: Name one idea that changed your life

#671

Post by poutrathor » Thu, May 07, 2020, 12:44 PM UTC

paganel wrote: post #667

darkerside wrote: post #192

This might be super basic, but... assume positive intent. Your parent is not your enemy. Your teacher is not your enemy. Your boss is not your enemy. The other team at work is not your enemy. The corporation is not your enemy. The other political party is not your enemy. Or, more accurately, YOU are not THEIR enemy. At best, you're an NPC in their game. Many of them probably even want to help you, because you are ano…

It's easier to believe that when the person saying that grew up in a system where there was no effective penury, where serious economists/experts used to say (and still do) "relax, not everything is a zero-sum game" (which it's how I imagine most of the Western economies/societies view themselves, i.e. as non-zero sum games). But I for example grew up in a society (Eastern Europe before 1989) where my dad had to wake…

Interesting point. So what should I do now : treat anyone not from western democracies as an adversary ?

Re: Ask HN: Name one idea that changed your life

#672

Post by Aeolun » Thu, May 07, 2020, 12:45 PM UTC

polytely wrote: post #651

endymi0n wrote: post #150

Nobody tells this to people who are beginners, I wish someone told me. All of us who do creative work, we get into it because we have good taste. But there is this gap. For the first couple years you make stuff, it’s just not that good. It’s trying to be good, it has potential, but it’s not. But your taste, the thing that got you into the game, is still killer. And your taste is why your work disappoints you. A lot o…

My best advice about writer's block is: the reason you're having a hard time writing is because of a conflict between the GOAL of writing well and the FEAR of writing badly. By default, our instinct is to conquer the fear, but our feelings are much, much, less within our control than the goals we set, and since it's the conflict BETWEEN the two forces blocking you, if you simply change your goal from "writing well" t…

Oh man, this one is great. I’ll try this sometime and actually write a story.

Re: Ask HN: Name one idea that changed your life

#673

Post by Aeolun » Thu, May 07, 2020, 12:49 PM UTC

aazaa wrote: post #193

Favor interrogative-led questions over leading questions. A leading question attempts to get the listener to agree or disagree with a premise you feed to them. An interrogative-led question often begins with the words: who; where; what; when; why. Imagine the responses to these two questions: - "Did you like the movie?" (Leading) - "What did you think about the movie?" (Interrogative-led) How do each of these questio…

But probably don’t start your interrogative sentence with ‘Why don’t you just...?’ ;)

Re: Ask HN: Name one idea that changed your life

#674

Post by darkerside » Thu, May 07, 2020, 12:50 PM UTC

paganel wrote: post #667

darkerside wrote: post #192

This might be super basic, but... assume positive intent. Your parent is not your enemy. Your teacher is not your enemy. Your boss is not your enemy. The other team at work is not your enemy. The corporation is not your enemy. The other political party is not your enemy. Or, more accurately, YOU are not THEIR enemy. At best, you're an NPC in their game. Many of them probably even want to help you, because you are ano…

It's easier to believe that when the person saying that grew up in a system where there was no effective penury, where serious economists/experts used to say (and still do) "relax, not everything is a zero-sum game" (which it's how I imagine most of the Western economies/societies view themselves, i.e. as non-zero sum games). But I for example grew up in a society (Eastern Europe before 1989) where my dad had to wake…

You're right. Those environments exist. Most of us who can sign onto HN and post comments are not in those environments. If you still act like you are, you'll be left behind by your peers who cooperate with each other, treat their superiors as partners, and give generously to those who need help.

It's simple game theory. The prisoners dilemma has multiple equilibria, but you don't find the optimal one unless you take the less rational choice once in a while.

Re: Ask HN: Name one idea that changed your life

#675

Post by darkerside » Thu, May 07, 2020, 12:52 PM UTC

deathgrips wrote: post #570

yissp wrote: post #256

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Honestly, I think the majority of us don't have any enemies at all. We might imagine we do, though.

Everyone has enemies but might not know it yet because their enemies don't have the power to act on their malevolent desires.

This seems like paranoia

Re: Ask HN: Name one idea that changed your life

#676

Post by darkerside » Thu, May 07, 2020, 12:55 PM UTC

ModernMech wrote: post #428

darkerside wrote: post #192

This might be super basic, but... assume positive intent. Your parent is not your enemy. Your teacher is not your enemy. Your boss is not your enemy. The other team at work is not your enemy. The corporation is not your enemy. The other political party is not your enemy. Or, more accurately, YOU are not THEIR enemy. At best, you're an NPC in their game. Many of them probably even want to help you, because you are ano…

> At best, you're an NPC in their game. Many of them probably even want to help you, because you are another person in the world, and that feels good. Oh man, I learned the opposite lesson that changed my life: Sociopaths and psychopaths will not help you because you are not a person in their world but an object that either helps them achieve their goals and can be discarded when your usefulness is expired, or you ar…

Yes, there are people like that. Identify and avoid them. They won't help you win, and in most cases, over long time frames, will not win themselves.

Re: Ask HN: Name one idea that changed your life

#677

Post by astura » Thu, May 07, 2020, 12:56 PM UTC

loafer-project wrote: post #653

p410n3 wrote: post #500

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I know for a fact my mom loved me and only wanted my best when beating the crap out of me. Intentions don't even matter in such cases. The end result does

I normally do not comment here, but I feel like I have to say this. My mom also was beating the crap out of me for most of my childhood and when my sister killed herself, I blamed my mom for it. But after living with all this hate and anger in my life for years, I started to realize that I can only truly be in peace if I learn to let go of these feelings. It definitely wasn't easy and I still find it very hard to tru…

I tried for decades to let go of the (completely justified) hatred I have for my parents and tried so hard to have a semi-normal relationship with them,or at least one of them.

Nope, didn't work, they are just horrible people nobody sane gets anything positive from being around. My husband pointed out that they were a huge negative in my life with no positives and why was I doing that to myself?

I let go and stopped contact with them and it's been one of the best things I've ever done for my overall well-being.

Re: Ask HN: Name one idea that changed your life

#678

Post by darkerside » Thu, May 07, 2020, 12:58 PM UTC

ken wrote: post #363

aazaa wrote: post #193

Favor interrogative-led questions over leading questions. A leading question attempts to get the listener to agree or disagree with a premise you feed to them. An interrogative-led question often begins with the words: who; where; what; when; why. Imagine the responses to these two questions: - "Did you like the movie?" (Leading) - "What did you think about the movie?" (Interrogative-led) How do each of these questio…

I hear suggestions like this occasionally, and I don't get it. Apparently sentences like "Did you like the movie?", which sound to me like perfectly neutral questions, actually have a slant. Which way is this question leading me to answer? How can I tell? "Yes" and "No" seem equally acceptable answers here. I don't see how either one would "displease the asker", without knowing more about the situation.

It's also overly simplistic and tends towards binary outcomes. Yes. No. Conversation over.

It was a two hour movie, surely the answer is more complicated! Caveat: does not apply to all movies.

Re: Ask HN: Name one idea that changed your life

#679

Post by TheChetan » Thu, May 07, 2020, 12:58 PM UTC

I read somewhere on the internet that, "If grass is greener on the other side, you aren't watering enough".

Sure some people get lucky, but on the long term, the ones who consistently make better decisions and work harder are the ones who are benefitted more often.

Re: Ask HN: Name one idea that changed your life

#680

Post by hartleybrody » Thu, May 07, 2020, 1:00 PM UTC

Jeff Bezos has a great interview where he talks about his decision to leave his cushy Wall Street job and start a website selling books. He talks about how he used a "regret minimization framework" where he projects himself into the future and imagines which decision he would regret the least.

I have used this technique multiple times myself to help with otherwise fraught or overwhelming decisions, and I think it's a great way to shift your frame of reference.

Interview where he describes it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jwG_qR6XmDQ