Sold my dipshit company for $5m, where to invest?

Generally speaking, diversification is very very important.

Even though bonds, stocks, or other items might be doing poorly at the moment, diversification protects against a precipitous loss. So get some of each sort of security, some real estate, some counter cyclical stock (aka invest in companies that do fine in down markets). Make sure you get very comfy with your insurance agents as well: Liability and Errors and Omission insurance are very important now, as you're a target. Make sure you're properly covered on all your properties and that you use limited liability mechanisms with all your business ventures. Be very careful you understand what actions as a board member/fiduciary officer are not covered by the policies.

Additionally, keep more than you'd think is useful in a cash/near cash account. Opportunities arise quickly. The ability to write a 200k check this afternoon can make you many times your 5m sometimes.

A very serious aside:

At the same time, be very careful of deals with ??? in the plan, especially with people related to illegal drugs. If you're not sure what your money is going, it might be going to normal wasteful stuff, or it could end up related to drugs.

This is a good way to find everything of yours frozen, and you finding things getting seized (I looked at some of your old comments is why I mention this point, having known people who have had run ins when in a position like yours).

There are many good deals in residential and commercial properties (used for rental income and a store of value).

If you are interested in the southwest Florida area, check out http://truesarasota.com. Call and ask for Bill. Mention what you wrote above. He will take good care of you.

You may want to try one or two residential rental investments and see if you prefer residential or commercial. It really does depend on your strengths and having a trustworthy network of people (handymen, estimators, inspectors, plumbers, electricians, etc).

Rent out your commercial unit ASAP. Get some revenue, at least to offset the taxes. Collect first month's, last month's, and a security deposit equal to the month's rent for your commercial property.

When a commercial tenant breaks the lease, you may be responsible for removing any materials and heavy equipment the previous tenant has left. This takes time and money and you cannot rent the space again until it is taken care of.

You may want to reconsider a personal office and use a home office instead. There may be better tax benefits to that situation, while generating additional rental revenue for your newly vacant office. Build a new detached home-office/garage.

You also have enough money to buy enough solar panels to never have an electrical bill (provided your house is not too large). There are many tax incentives for this, too. Not paying for electricity seems like part of a good strategy to beat inflation. This may also work for your commercial properties.

Congrats on your success.