131–140 of 193 posts
And a shocking number of people are trying to rationalize this tragedy as "not that bad", wow.
Or if you just don't like your roommate, but can't afford to live on your own or move out.
That is a pretty flippant comparison. I’m the trustee of a regional women’s shelter; we run a small building of 8 apartments which we offer to women and children as short-medium term refuges at no cost. The people who arrive with us are experiencing trauma past breaking point (often abuse is normalised and needs to be significantly escalated until someone is willing to take flight), with symptoms of PTSD, depression,…
I'm Stuck in a flat above heroin/crack abusers, they have dealers in all the time, abuse the victim card and keep getting away with it. Police, council.... all just victimhood them and dispite over years and years of having hard evidence, they just ignore it. Equally the partner of the women had a business, working and she got him hooked on the stuff, she's abusive, killing him and nobody over the years seems to care…
Our current society worships victims, but unfortunately your kind of victim is not numerous enough to get mainstream attention.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
An accusation of domestic abuse would be taken far more seriously than an accusation of "being outside without a reason", I would think. Especially if you're a police officer, trained to respond to domestic violence calls, but never really trained about the seriousness of epidemic management.
> An accusation of domestic abuse would be taken far more seriously than an accusation of "being outside without a reason", I would think. Especially if you're a police officer, trained to respond to domestic violence calls, but never really trained about the seriousness of epidemic management. Police not taking it seriously (in part, because it's viewed as wasted time because the accuser will so often recant even wh…
The police are very well-trained to respond to the latter request. They might not have the capacity for protective custody (some do, some don't), but they'll at least do the "ensure you are escorted safely away from your home" part 100% of the time. They'll usually be willing to take you to a relative's home, if they live nearby; or, if not, to an emergency shelter for victims of domestic violence, if your city has one. You'll usually be asked to file a police report; you'll be given a case number, and the contact information of someone in the police department you can reach out to if your abuser is stalking you. It's sort of a "pre-restraining order"—the police can't legally stop the other person from being where you are, but they'll usually be willing to come and intercede if your abuser just shows up near you in public and tries to intimidate you. (This helps the police as well on what is now your open case, because they'll be witness to whatever happens between you and your abuser.)
Earlier quoted context omitted.
So let's sum it up - its killing you, but you don't want to/can't leave because its killing others too. At the end, you will help nobody, the least yourself, and everybody will just suffer. Try pure logic on this problem, which doesn't seem like your current approach. Pure logic with result being improvement of your wellbeing, so you can help others. If you simply can't get those people out, then stop dreaming about…
“Pure logic”? Is this a joke?
I'm Stuck in a flat above heroin/crack abusers, they have dealers in all the time, abuse the victim card and keep getting away with it. Police, council.... all just victimhood them and dispite over years and years of having hard evidence, they just ignore it. Equally the partner of the women had a business, working and she got him hooked on the stuff, she's abusive, killing him and nobody over the years seems to care…
No, you don't. Nobody cares about crackheads. Furthermore, nobody cares about your problems, either. Not the police, not the welfare services, not the media, not even the people on HN. Nobody is going to call to get the details on this story as it unfolds.
You need to get out. Things may look hopeless. Perhaps they are, perhaps there's no way out. On the other hand, you almost certainly developed some form of learned helplessness, which is an actual delusion.
You picked a bad time to get out. Nobody is hiring. You don't have the right skills. You don't know how to talk to people.
Okay, so you're not going to get out. Make the best of it. Stop thinking about these people. They own your thoughts. They own you. They're probably not even aware of it. You just gave yourself away for nothing, to people who don't care. What a waste.
Take ownership of yourself. Good Luck.
In addition, sadly there are nearly 0 shelters for men. https://nypost.com/2017/10/29/these-shelters-help-male-victi...
In addition, sadly there are nearly 0 shelters for men. https://nypost.com/2017/10/29/these-shelters-help-male-victi...
It's obviously tough to find exact statistics on this, but everything I'm finding suggests that more than 90% of domestic violence is male perpetrators and female victims. If that's true, then wouldn't you expect the overwhelming majority of shelters to be for women?
Much of the "research" around DV is propaganda by ideological advocacy groups. The actual research shows that it's more like 50/50, and about 70% of the time when it's only one partner being abusive, it's the woman.
The most violent relationships are lesbian relationships, followed by heterosexual relationships, followed by gay relationships. Clearly if it were true that "men are the cause of DV because they are protecting their patriarchal power", we would expect the opposite correlation.
In addition, sadly there are nearly 0 shelters for men. https://nypost.com/2017/10/29/these-shelters-help-male-victi...
It's obviously tough to find exact statistics on this, but everything I'm finding suggests that more than 90% of domestic violence is male perpetrators and female victims. If that's true, then wouldn't you expect the overwhelming majority of shelters to be for women?
> More than 40% of domestic violence victims are male, report reveals
https://www.theguardian.com/society/2010/sep/05/men-victims-...
Earlier quoted context omitted.
This is the most HN comment I've seen in a week. You tried not to blame the victim and acknowledge poverty is the trap but then came off as doing that in the context of personal responsibility shaming. Poverty or the fear of poverty is the real decision maker here; the math is as unforgiving as orbital mechanics. And please don't reply, "But there are programs!" Governments and NGOs convince voters and donors that th…
As someone who does a lot of work in the area of stopping abusers, and also has my own experiences as a victim of an abuser - for a long time I placed all the responsibility and agency on the man who abused me and didn't want to see that I actually made bad choices and ignored early red flags when I was involved with him. This doesn't mean that it was my fault that he was abusive, it just means that I can make better…
If you're a guy in a relationship that feels like it might be abusive, but you're in the habit of thinking that can't be a real feeling - think again, and talk to someone.
(If you can't think of anyone else to talk to, my email's in my profile, and I'll do my best.)