For people with an abusive partner, lockdown means captivity
theguardian.com
For people with an abusive partner, lockdown means captivity
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Re: For people with an abusive partner, lockdown means captivity
#2Or if you just don't like your roommate, but can't afford to live on your own or move out.
Re: For people with an abusive partner, lockdown means captivity
#3I feel like this is a valid concern, but really when it comes to abusive relationships ... a lockdown isn't the problem / aggravating circumstance /etc.
I worked with kids who came from abusive / were in abusive families. The volume of abused partners who willingly stayed with the abuser was astonishingly high. They would even follow an abuser from one town to the next, even with services and options to not do so available.
That's not to blame them, and circumstances make things very hard (especially if you're poor, have kids, or both). But it is the simple reality that the abused partner's willingness to leave and stick to that decision was the real trigger for any positive change, and not the circumstances of their life. It is not an easy decision or easy thing to do, but there was just not getting around that it was the key too.
Obviously you can't just throw that at someone being abused because recrimination is of zero help / won't make things better.
Either way in a lockdown, or out of one, the victims are often just as "locked" in psychologically.
Re: For people with an abusive partner, lockdown means captivity
#4We might also take some delicate thoughts that the absence of a lockdown does not imply the absence of captivity. An abuser can leave for a workday, or weeks at a time, and still have a captive.
But I very much understand the spirit here and now I am feeling sad thinking about all those people out there that are possibly suffering even more right now. I can hope that some of them find the strength to walk away after experiencing this, but I know fully well that this isn't how it works.
It's crappy how I feel like I can change the world if I try, but I can't change the house down the street.
And for all those other houses down the street that look happy, they could be hiding the biggest captives of all.
What a heavy topic to unwind.
Re: For people with an abusive partner, lockdown means captivity
#5Or if you just don't like your roommate, but can't afford to live on your own or move out.
That is a pretty flippant comparison.
I’m the trustee of a regional women’s shelter; we run a small building of 8 apartments which we offer to women and children as short-medium term refuges at no cost.
The people who arrive with us are experiencing trauma past breaking point (often abuse is normalised and needs to be significantly escalated until someone is willing to take flight), with symptoms of PTSD, depression, and often significant physical injuries. Children absorb this abuse in a similar manner, without any means to process the trauma.
Organisations like our face an extremely uncertain future; while the need for what we do remains, and probably increases, many women are unable to move or scared to due to the government advice on travel. This is against the backdrop of being unable to procure supplies; we provide our residents with everything from food to nappies, all donated or bought from cash donations.
I appreciate that living with a difficult roommate is a testing circumstance. But domestic abuse is truly a different level of horror.
Re: For people with an abusive partner, lockdown means captivity
#6We might also take some delicate thoughts that the absence of a lockdown does not imply the absence of captivity. An abuser can leave for a workday, or weeks at a time, and still have a captive. But I very much understand the spirit here and now I am feeling sad thinking about all those people out there that are possibly suffering even more right now. I can hope that some of them find the strength to walk away after…
Don't be disheartened. Do your bit and don't give up hope, every small step counts. No one alone is strong enough to take on the weight of the world and all its miseries.
Re: For people with an abusive partner, lockdown means captivity
#7I'm Stuck in a flat above heroin/crack abusers, they have dealers in all the time, abuse the victim card and keep getting away with it. Police, council.... all just victimhood them and dispite over years and years of having hard evidence, they just ignore it.
Equally the partner of the women had a business, working and she got him hooked on the stuff, she's abusive, killing him and nobody over the years seems to care as she is for want of a better word - classic dark triad case https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dark_triad
I've suffered abuse, homophobic abuse and as I'm not gay, it has been ignored. Even malicious gossip about me being a peado, again all ignored by the powers that be and I've done all the right things, tried so many times and been ignored.
Since lockdown they have guests all the time, dealers, really nasty people and yet, i'm still ignored.
Housing association in question even gone out their way to protect them and she has driven so many people out of their homes due to her abuse and still is allowed to get away with it as she excels at playing the victim, lies and I could list endless examples, it just frustrates me how these people keep on being allowed to carry on.
So yes, very mindful of abuse, sadly the system seems to excel at enabling them.
Oh as for police, even had instances of them not only doing nothing, but informing the dealers who informed upon them. Like passing on statements to her so she can show the dealers she didn't inform upon them and with that, lets them back in to the detrement of those who stood up.
So nobody dares do anything as they have lost faith in the police and all support.
I'm now at stage that I need a good investigative reporter as I have recordings and other proofs as the police have failed me so many times that I've lost faith in them completly. As I have all support systems.
I have aspergers and have serious PTSD due to years of this abuse and need help getting the truth out there.
Sorry if this not best place to talk about this, but I've tried and tried all the right avenues and only to be failed.
Also sorry that I can't bestow all the details as it is so painful and triggers my PTSD but I'll try.
Re: For people with an abusive partner, lockdown means captivity
#8Or if you just don't like your roommate, but can't afford to live on your own or move out.
That is a pretty flippant comparison. I’m the trustee of a regional women’s shelter; we run a small building of 8 apartments which we offer to women and children as short-medium term refuges at no cost. The people who arrive with us are experiencing trauma past breaking point (often abuse is normalised and needs to be significantly escalated until someone is willing to take flight), with symptoms of PTSD, depression,…
When do you think there will be shelters for the victims of domestic abuse from women?
I had a a friend bullied to suicide by their mother but there was just no support for someone who wasn't physically abused by a man in the 00s.
Re: For people with an abusive partner, lockdown means captivity
#9I feel like this is a valid concern, but really when it comes to abusive relationships ... a lockdown isn't the problem / aggravating circumstance /etc. I worked with kids who came from abusive / were in abusive families. The volume of abused partners who willingly stayed with the abuser was astonishingly high. They would even follow an abuser from one town to the next, even with services and options to not do so ava…
The lockdown is not the problem, but it a problem. A new and novel one, as the article explains. My girlfriend works at a non-profit which provides shelter and support to domestic violence survivors. She counsels people in all stages. Some of her clients are dealing with this exact problem.
Re: For people with an abusive partner, lockdown means captivity
#10I feel like this is a valid concern, but really when it comes to abusive relationships ... a lockdown isn't the problem / aggravating circumstance /etc. I worked with kids who came from abusive / were in abusive families. The volume of abused partners who willingly stayed with the abuser was astonishingly high. They would even follow an abuser from one town to the next, even with services and options to not do so ava…
This is the most HN comment I've seen in a week. You tried not to blame the victim and acknowledge poverty is the trap but then came off as doing that in the context of personal responsibility shaming. Poverty or the fear of poverty is the real decision maker here; the math is as unforgiving as orbital mechanics.
And please don't reply, "But there are programs!" Governments and NGOs convince voters and donors that they are doing something by creating programs for domestic violence and then make those programs so difficult to enroll in that they spend half of their funding creating labrythine beurocracy. Anyone already at their mental capacity with abuse struggles even starting these processes.