1-on-1 meeting questions • Hacker News Board

Re: 1-on-1 meeting questions

#231

Post by koonsolo » Mon, Feb 17, 2020, 7:09 AM UTC

epicgiga wrote: post #216

koonsolo wrote: post #73

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What a strange, helpless way to look at the world. Employment is not a boss->servant relationship, it's a relationship where both parties gain something. You offer a service, and they pay for that. End of story. They act out? Then you find someone else who needs your services. As a programmer myself, I'm in this great position where there is a shortage of good developers, and plenty of companies searching for good de…

Employment is actually, as a matter of law, a boss -> servant relationship.

A friend of mine once told his manager: "you are not my boss, you are my employer. My boss is at home" (referring to his wife). I guess he has the same mentality as me :)

Re: 1-on-1 meeting questions

#232

Post by throwaway0217 » Mon, Feb 17, 2020, 7:14 AM UTC

KKKKkkkk1 wrote: post #163

I would say that a manager who brings up personal questions in 1:1s is leveraging their power to cross boundaries. In my mind it's akin to harassment.

So much this. I don't have kids. We are struggling with fertility issues. In my 1:1 my ex-manager would bring up that topic EVERY SINGLE WEEK. He also tried to develop a family relationship, where his wife would 'advise' my wife about what type of treatment we should seek. At one baby shower for a common friend, his wife asked me if we are sad seeing other people having babies. Being on H1 visa, I could only push back so much. From his perspective, he was providing 'emotional support'.

I sucked up. And quit the job when the right opportunity came.

Since then, I made sure to not bring any personal stuff in conversation with any colleague, including my manager for whatever reason.

Re: 1-on-1 meeting questions

#233

Post by kamaal » Mon, Feb 17, 2020, 7:19 AM UTC

inopinatus wrote: post #208

RotaryTelephone wrote: post #63

My 1on1's at a 100k+ international corporation always went like this: Manager: so how's it going? Me: great Manager: any issues? anything you want to discuss? Me: everything is fantastic! I'm very happy with my job :D Manager: cool cool... well let's do this again next month. Me: yay! I don't want someone in a similar situation like I was to get inspired by lists like these and go into their next 1on1 wrecking havoc…

I call these “waiter questions” and only once I became a manager, discovered how poorly they invite feedback. And as with, “how’s the meal?”, it is basically an invitation to lie, unless there is something so totally egregious that it probably should’ve been raised by interrupt not polling. My 1:1s became much more fruitful with directed, goal-seeking questions, or even a retro format. As others have touched on, freq…

>>My 1:1s became much more fruitful with directed, goal-seeking questions, or even a retro format.

This is why every role in a company is an individual contributor role to some extent.

You must be direct in asking what should you do to go from X to Y, than just merely talking in abstract terms like 'Performance' or 'Hard Work'.

The biggest lie ever told in all this is that management must recognize work and talent. If the world of marketing and advertisements has taught us anything at all. No one appreciates, or recognizes anything. A case must be built actively to ensure your case is high up the stack for the bosses to consider.

Re: 1-on-1 meeting questions

#234

Post by Gene_Parmesan » Mon, Feb 17, 2020, 7:52 AM UTC

skizm wrote: post #195

empath75 wrote: post #180

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Personal life nonsense? I'm your co-worker, not your friend. Changing this attitude contributed as much to my doubling and then almost tripling my salary over the course of a few years as much as anything technical did. Your managers and coworkers are human beings and engaging with them like human beings will open doors for you. I pretty much only talk about personal stuff in one on ones, and will use maybe one out…

Oh yea, I'm well aware, and I play the game as best I can. I go to the occasional happy hour, I shoot the shit with my managers and co-workers, I talk about their kids or hobbies or whatever they want to talk about. I just don't want to do any of these things. It's draining to pretend you care all the time. But if I don't it affects raises / bonuses (only job related things I care about) and also project placement (w…

Yes, faking it is not the ideal, because as you said, it's very draining. The idea is that you aren't faking it, you're genuinely finding something fulfilling about work, or at least the people there.

To be honest it sounds like you're experiencing a poor culture fit. I felt similarly to you until I went to a smaller team for the first time in my career. My team-to-be was in one of the interview phases with me, so we could all gauge fit ahead of time. It's been an entirely different feel, and I'm now genuinely enjoying work -- not because of what I'm working on, but because it's a good team to be a part of.

No, I'm not hanging out with my coworkers after work -- everyone has long commutes so we all scatter at 5 -- but I genuinely enjoy working with them. It doesn't feel like a game anymore, like I'm purposefully playing politics. Whether it's good for my career or not, I really don't care -- what I care about is the fact it's done wonders for my general quality of life.

Not everyone can find a place with a perfect fit, but you sound kind of miserable to be honest, and I just have a guess that you'd maybe have better happiness elsewhere. You say that raises/bonuses are the only job-related things you care about -- my hunch is this might change for you if you found a place where you genuinely liked the people.

Re: 1-on-1 meeting questions

#235

Post by koonsolo » Mon, Feb 17, 2020, 8:05 AM UTC

hw wrote: post #129

koonsolo wrote: post #73

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What a strange, helpless way to look at the world. Employment is not a boss->servant relationship, it's a relationship where both parties gain something. You offer a service, and they pay for that. End of story. They act out? Then you find someone else who needs your services. As a programmer myself, I'm in this great position where there is a shortage of good developers, and plenty of companies searching for good de…

First of all, if your manager is any good, (s)he will already have replacements in the pipeline, given the musical chairs nature of the industry. Second, why aren't you already at a different job that pays you more instead of hanging that over your manager's head? Third, don't underestimate how many other good developers that are out there, looking for the next job. It might not require 6 months of training for the n…

> replacements in the pipeline

Depends on the company. Some still want to grow at a faster pace than they can hire.

> instead of hanging that over your manager's head

You are correct that this in not actually something you say to your manager. This is the thought that should be in your head. The real conversation needs to be constructive.

> 6 months of training is ridiculously long

I didn't mean training, I meant "to become as productive as you". My point is that the employee has the advantage on new hires: you instantly get full pay, but still need to ramp up your productivity.

Re: 1-on-1 meeting questions

#236

Post by hw » Mon, Feb 17, 2020, 8:34 AM UTC

koonsolo wrote: post #235

hw wrote: post #129

Earlier quoted context omitted.

First of all, if your manager is any good, (s)he will already have replacements in the pipeline, given the musical chairs nature of the industry. Second, why aren't you already at a different job that pays you more instead of hanging that over your manager's head? Third, don't underestimate how many other good developers that are out there, looking for the next job. It might not require 6 months of training for the n…

> replacements in the pipeline Depends on the company. Some still want to grow at a faster pace than they can hire. > instead of hanging that over your manager's head You are correct that this in not actually something you say to your manager. This is the thought that should be in your head. The real conversation needs to be constructive. > 6 months of training is ridiculously long I didn't mean training, I meant "to…

> This is the thought that should be in your head. The real conversation needs to be constructive.

Agreed on that. If your manager isn't doing his/her job, or just wants quick outs of 1:1s, that conversation needs to be had instead of the status quo

On training, I have seen companies where it just takes a few months for a new hire to get anything done. Silo-ed institutional knowledge, spaghetti codebases, too much emphasis on processes and meetings, no proper new-hire onboarding, etc. Those are usually red flags. But yes, I wouldn't expect a new hire to be completely as productive as a seasoned employee even after a few months, but should be enough to get going.

Re: 1-on-1 meeting questions

#237

Post by heisenbit » Mon, Feb 17, 2020, 8:34 AM UTC

skizm wrote: post #84

hnrodey wrote: post #65

Earlier quoted context omitted.

tbh (without knowing anything else about you, maybe caught you at a bad moment) this attitude is going to stunt your career development and growth more than you can possibly imagine. Are you wrong with any of this? Not at all. But letting it drip over in to impacting the quality of your relationships is detrimental to yourself and everyone around you. It's also disrespecting the contributions you make to the team, pr…

Not a bad moment (I don't think at least), and it is good advice to remind myself not to let it affect others around me, but I really do not care about my work, my co-workers, my company, or my career growth. That said, I do all my work on time, with above average quality (I'm pretty sure), communicate well, make sure I am never a blocker, and work to help others who are struggling (we're all stuck here together afte…

Even if your goals to progress or change what you are doing are limited do not assume the environment around you will stay the same.

Re: 1-on-1 meeting questions

#238

Post by mkl » Mon, Feb 17, 2020, 8:54 AM UTC

abraxas wrote: post #179

octodog wrote: post #169

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Surely there are other options your manager and you can look at that fall between having an open floorplan and not having one. Get them to buy you noise cancelling headphones or something.

Visual noise is as bad as audible noise. What's next, horse blinders?

Well there was the idea of the third picture here: http://theinspirationroom.com/daily/2012/3m-privacy-for-your...

It's from an ad for a privacy screen filter, but unlike that, it works the other way around too, blocking out the world.

Re: 1-on-1 meeting questions

#239

Post by gdy » Mon, Feb 17, 2020, 9:04 AM UTC

koonsolo wrote: post #73

RotaryTelephone wrote: post #63

My 1on1's at a 100k+ international corporation always went like this: Manager: so how's it going? Me: great Manager: any issues? anything you want to discuss? Me: everything is fantastic! I'm very happy with my job :D Manager: cool cool... well let's do this again next month. Me: yay! I don't want someone in a similar situation like I was to get inspired by lists like these and go into their next 1on1 wrecking havoc…

What a strange, helpless way to look at the world. Employment is not a boss->servant relationship, it's a relationship where both parties gain something. You offer a service, and they pay for that. End of story. They act out? Then you find someone else who needs your services. As a programmer myself, I'm in this great position where there is a shortage of good developers, and plenty of companies searching for good de…

"I'll have a new job next week that pays more from day 1"

And yet you are still here. This does add up

Re: 1-on-1 meeting questions

#240

Post by vidarh » Mon, Feb 17, 2020, 9:37 AM UTC

RotaryTelephone wrote: post #63

My 1on1's at a 100k+ international corporation always went like this: Manager: so how's it going? Me: great Manager: any issues? anything you want to discuss? Me: everything is fantastic! I'm very happy with my job :D Manager: cool cool... well let's do this again next month. Me: yay! I don't want someone in a similar situation like I was to get inspired by lists like these and go into their next 1on1 wrecking havoc…

I'm not a people person. For me doing 1-on-1's when I have teams reporting to me are helpful because it's very easy for me to just forget to ask questions about how people are doing. At times I've varied sets of questions to prevent people who'd otherwise not speak up from letting me know what was really happening. Sometimes that has been the difference between losing valuable people and keeping them happy.

I don't think anyone should turn it into some sort of lengthy interrogation, but turning it into something that people can't just give the same non-answers to every week or month unless there genuinely is nothing that can be improved on can be useful.

I'd see this as a list you can pick from if you're the kind of person who find it hard to just organically elicit genuine feedback from people. A lot of technical managers in particular get very little support in how to grow into management roles; even worse in startups where there often aren't anyone to turn to for support at early stages. Add on some social awkwardness for some of us, and it can be tough. The irony is that for me at least, having a few prepared questions makes me feel less need for them - they're a useful fallback option if I run out of things to talk about, but knowing I have them makes it easier to just talk.