"And finally, there’s the related notion that anyone who doesn’t like Apple’s rules can pick up and move to another platform, like Android. Which is ridiculous." What? Ridiculous how? This claim is ridiculous. Suck it up and use Android. You'll live. I did.
So yes, move to Android and stop being such miserable worms. Ditching an iPhone is not like ditching $5,000 worth of IBM PC-XT, especially because Apple have sync'd all your contacts, emails, and other personal data with your computer.