If you were a real Narcissist, you are not be the problem, everyone else is the problem.
Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?
191–200 of 404 posts
Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?
#192If you suspect that you're a narcissist, then you probably aren't one. True narcissists won't even have the thought cross their mind or see it as something to fix. They think they are perfect in every way. To admit to imperfection would shatter their sense of self and that is something they must protect at all costs. They can't see how their behavior affects others. They are God's gift to us in their minds. You're pr…
> Take things too personally? Try meditating. How would it help?
Not any kind of meditation, but some meditation practices allow you to see sensations and experiences in their own context rather than only by how you may be involved within them.
For example Satipatthana - or "mindfulness" looks at phenomena starting from sensory experiences in order to prevent cravings or aversion.
Cravings and aversion come from how you react to things you may find desirable or undesirable.
The desirableness and undesirableness are connected to you.
When you are able to reduce cravings or aversion in whatever way, you also affect how you relate to these events, and may also aid in not taking things personally.
Vipassana, another practice, guides you to see the impermanence of all things, as well as how your sensations and emotions are coming from natural phenomena rather than from this object you may call "yourself". By understanding the origin of how these relate a bit deeper, you can see better how there is no need to label a thing as "I" necessarily to be involved in any of this.
To credit my understanding a bit; I have studied and practiced western mindfulness, Satipatthana and Vipassana for years, as well as Buddhism in general.
Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?
#193If you suspect that you're a narcissist, then you probably aren't one. True narcissists won't even have the thought cross their mind or see it as something to fix. They think they are perfect in every way. To admit to imperfection would shatter their sense of self and that is something they must protect at all costs. They can't see how their behavior affects others. They are God's gift to us in their minds. You're pr…
There is a very short test for narcissism:
https://psychcentral.com/news/2014/08/06/it-takes-just-one-q...
Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?
#194Seeing a therapist might be infinitely better than reading a book, and not just for narcissism. We're all broken in our own wonderful and unique ways. I've been seeing a therapist for 5 years now, and the positive impact this has had in my life and on my general self-awareness can't be overstated. As engineers and tech people we have one tool that has proven incredible useful in our careers: our brilliant rational mi…
People say this a lot, but it never seems very actionable. How do you do find someone good that you trust? How do you find someone worth the time? The couple of times I've tried to find someone you end up making a lot of unreturned phone calls. Maybe I have an unfairly negative impression of therapists - I both think that it's incredibly valuable to introspect and have someone smart and thoughtful to work things out…
> How do you do find someone good that you trust? How do you find someone worth the time? The couple of times I've tried to find someone you end up making a lot of unreturned phone calls.
But it's the same with Doctors. Some doctors won't listen to your symptoms, some doctors might have old information, or brush you off.
Would you put off going to a doctor because of those problems?
Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?
#195I went down this rabbit hole a long time ago and saw a therapist about it. I would suggest you do the same. That said, they basically told me that if you're worried about being a narcissist or trying to change it then you probably aren't a candidate for NPD diagnosis. Simply put people with NPD don't even consider that they might be wrong or flawed. That doesn't mean you don't have something to fix, but it's worth se…
Look at how he frames the question -- "I talk too much...", "I don't enjoy...", "I tend to judge...", "I have an inflated ego..." He doesn't think about his behavior in relation to other people. To the narcissist, other people are simply background actors in the movie that is their life. Why does this matter? Well, if you were living on a deserted island, would it matter if you were a narcissist? When he talks about…
High use of the first-person in writing is hardly a sign of NPD. "I" is one of the most commonly used words in the English language.
Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?
#196I went down this rabbit hole a long time ago and saw a therapist about it. I would suggest you do the same. That said, they basically told me that if you're worried about being a narcissist or trying to change it then you probably aren't a candidate for NPD diagnosis. Simply put people with NPD don't even consider that they might be wrong or flawed. That doesn't mean you don't have something to fix, but it's worth se…
Look at how he frames the question -- "I talk too much...", "I don't enjoy...", "I tend to judge...", "I have an inflated ego..." He doesn't think about his behavior in relation to other people. To the narcissist, other people are simply background actors in the movie that is their life. Why does this matter? Well, if you were living on a deserted island, would it matter if you were a narcissist? When he talks about…
I understand, but the whole subtext is that he's taking responsibility, and not blaming other people, something narcissists can't do.
Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?
#197If you suspect that you're a narcissist, then you probably aren't one. True narcissists won't even have the thought cross their mind or see it as something to fix. They think they are perfect in every way. To admit to imperfection would shatter their sense of self and that is something they must protect at all costs. They can't see how their behavior affects others. They are God's gift to us in their minds. You're pr…
There is a very short test for narcissism: https://psychcentral.com/news/2014/08/06/it-takes-just-one-q...
That seems to contradict OP’s argument that admitting you’re a narcissist probably indicates you’re not.
Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?
#198Seeing a therapist might be infinitely better than reading a book, and not just for narcissism. We're all broken in our own wonderful and unique ways. I've been seeing a therapist for 5 years now, and the positive impact this has had in my life and on my general self-awareness can't be overstated. As engineers and tech people we have one tool that has proven incredible useful in our careers: our brilliant rational mi…
Honest question, really trying hard not to word it in a standoffish way: what do you get out of a therapist that can't be obtained from thought or general conversation outside of therapy? I don't think a "brilliant rational mind" is a prerequisite for coming to the conclusion that you're spending money to lock someone in conversation with you - someone that would not associate with you otherwise. To me, the relations…
"Conversational Prostitution"?
Are you saying if you were more attractive/deserving/whatever, people with therapeutic skills would go around sharing their insight with you for free?
Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?
#199Earlier quoted context omitted.
Look at how he frames the question -- "I talk too much...", "I don't enjoy...", "I tend to judge...", "I have an inflated ego..." He doesn't think about his behavior in relation to other people. To the narcissist, other people are simply background actors in the movie that is their life. Why does this matter? Well, if you were living on a deserted island, would it matter if you were a narcissist? When he talks about…
High use of the first-person in writing is hardly a sign of NPD. "I" is one of the most commonly used words in the English language.
You've misunderstood the point, in the whole post he didn't say how anybody else was affected by his behavior. If nobody's negatively affected, the behavior can't be bad.
"I've hurt people by being too egotistical" is an example of an "I" sentence that would have made me believe he could see that something was wrong.
Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?
#200Earlier quoted context omitted.
> Take things too personally? Try meditating. How would it help?
I've found meditation to give me perspective on things. It gives your brain a chance to slow down and reflect. The effects of meditation tend to last well beyond the initial mediation session and seep into your day to day interactions. I used to take everything personally and be paranoid about everything all the time and meditation helped with that. YMMV.
The problem I have with statements like the one commented on is that there is no such thing as "meditation". There is a whole bunch of very different techniques from a whole bunch of different cultures that are all called meditation and the only thing they have in common is that it is a mental exercise of some sort. But considering how different these techniques are, it would be strange to expect them to provide any kind of common effect, like making you take things less personally. It also makes phrases like "I meditate every day" and "You should try meditation" meaningless. Consider spiritual exercises of Ignatius Loyola and compare them, say, to a Sufi Zikr and to a Hatha Yoga practice. All three are most definitely meditation practices, so when you say "you should meditate" do you mean I should drop on my knees and pray to Jesus, gather a bunch of guys and run in cicles singing in arabic or do a downward dog? And do you think any one of these would help me take things less personally?