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Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?

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Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?

#101

Post by throwawayupand »

blinotz wrote: post #76

My former partner behaved in narcisstic ways from time to time. I didn’t even know what narcissism was until after we broke up after 8 years. But dealing with narcissistic behavior was absolutely awful. It left me mystified about all sorts of things to do with us, as well as hurt and feeling abused. She’d never ever acknowledge her narcissistic behavior so even recognizing it puts you in the right path to addressing…

>> She’d never ever acknowledge her narcissistic behavior so even recognizing it puts you in the right path to addressing it.

It's a core narc trait to not acknowledge their own behavior.

Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?

#102

Post by yters »

dnautics wrote: post #90
yters wrote: post #89

Religion could help you here, especially Christianity, since a fundamental insight is, as GK Chesterton puts it: "What's wrong with the world? I am." Without realizing there is something fundamentally wrong with me, i.e. the narcissism aka pride, it is impossible to break free. This is the insight that allowed Dante to leave Hell in the Divine Comedy.

Isn't that still narcissistic?

I guess the idea is that since I'm not so great, best to look for something greater.

Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?

#103

Post by 1000units »

drinfinity wrote: post #47
moretai wrote: post #27

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What are examples of problems you couldn't solve with your mind?

Broken heart Broken leg Blindness Losing a child Having a low (or too high) IQ Having severe mental disorder(s)

There's no such thing as an IQ too high. This is always some other problem like anxiety.

Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?

#105

Post by halfnormalform »

azinman2 wrote: post #77
throwawaypa123 wrote: post #74

Or you might find people you do want to listen to. Sometimes you really are the only sane person or THE most interesting person in the room. It isn't you who is the problem but the room you occupy. Think about this, if you were in a room with Jeff Bezos, Mark Zuckerburg, and Bernie Madoff, how much talking would you be doing? Not that much.

Not a helpful comment when this person has suggested it has negatively affected their life and is looking to change.

N's can't ever (ever ever...) be wrong. The problem has to be something external, such as their environment. ;)

Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?

#107

Post by [deleted] »

awillen wrote: post #79

I don't know if I would say I'm a narcissist, but I have realized that I'm very prone to interrupting people mid-conversation, because it's just what my family does. When I'm with them (or other interrupters), it's totally normal and not rude at all to interject when you have something to say and someone takes a breath, but obviously it's problematic elsewhere. Doubly so when I'm dealing with someone from the South o…

[deleted]

Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?

#108

Post by corey_moncure »

Can someone provide a definition of "narcissism" as it's being used here? Is there a list of core attributes or traits that comprise it? Etiology?

I've seen many discussions of this across the internet, and while there are many people who seem to know what it is, or know people who are "narcissists" or have a personality disorder, I've never seen it exhaustively described. Most comments take a form like "A narcissist will/does/does not ...", or "my narcissist dad/mom constantly ...", or "if you know a narcissist you must ...".

Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?

#109

Post by JonathanMerklin »

ggambetta wrote: post #15

Seeing a therapist might be infinitely better than reading a book, and not just for narcissism. We're all broken in our own wonderful and unique ways. I've been seeing a therapist for 5 years now, and the positive impact this has had in my life and on my general self-awareness can't be overstated. As engineers and tech people we have one tool that has proven incredible useful in our careers: our brilliant rational mi…

Honest question, really trying hard not to word it in a standoffish way: what do you get out of a therapist that can't be obtained from thought or general conversation outside of therapy?

I don't think a "brilliant rational mind" is a prerequisite for coming to the conclusion that you're spending money to lock someone in conversation with you - someone that would not associate with you otherwise. To me, the relationship is artificial and the lessons learned can be obtained for free. Therapy seems to be conversational prostitution, more or less.

But you and others affirm that therapy has a positive ROI, and some people recommend therapy with such vigor you'd think it was the only (or the best/most efficient) way to get that return. I just don't see it, and to date I haven't met a sufficiently elucidating explanation.

Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?

#110

Post by claudeganon »

corey_moncure wrote: post #108

Can someone provide a definition of "narcissism" as it's being used here? Is there a list of core attributes or traits that comprise it? Etiology? I've seen many discussions of this across the internet, and while there are many people who seem to know what it is, or know people who are "narcissists" or have a personality disorder, I've never seen it exhaustively described. Most comments take a form like "A narcissist…

This is more or less the DSM definition:

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/narcissistic-...

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