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Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?

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Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?

#81

Post by throwawaypa123 »

azinman2 wrote: post #77
throwawaypa123 wrote: post #74

Or you might find people you do want to listen to. Sometimes you really are the only sane person or THE most interesting person in the room. It isn't you who is the problem but the room you occupy. Think about this, if you were in a room with Jeff Bezos, Mark Zuckerburg, and Bernie Madoff, how much talking would you be doing? Not that much.

Not a helpful comment when this person has suggested it has negatively affected their life and is looking to change.

The change should be his environment and not him. Far easier to change where you are than WHAT you are.

Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?

#83

Post by halfnormalform »

vearwhershuh wrote: post #23

Get married and have kids. Nothing will cure narcissism more effectively than holding a quivering, helpless newborn in your arms and realizing that you must keep this miracle alive.

I bet lots of folks with Narcissistic parents are happy to inform you otherwise.

Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?

#84

Post by halfnormalform »

Considering the core symptom involves thinking your own problems are either nonexistent or caused by someone else, it makes sense why the shelves aren't overflowing with self help book for narcissists.

Things that did not help: -Books about people who were affected by narcissistic people. -All reddit groups about narcissism. -Writings of Vaknin and other famous narcissists.

Things that did help: -Reinventing Your Life by Young (general audience). -Schema Therapy by Young (professional audience). -Borderline, Narcissistic, and Schizoid Adaptations by Greenberg (professional audience). -Learning how to be aware when I'm splitting others or myself into black and white. (Much harder than it sounds. It's like trying to stop time.) -Regular appointments with a therapist. (Don't go expecting an 'atta boy'--expect to be pushed outside your comfort zone of false invulnerability and expect to resent your therapist with every cell in your body while this is happening. If you find them just giving you 'atta boys' you should get a different therapist). -Daily exercise. -Cutting ties with family of origin.

Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?

#85

Post by mundo »

Well known narcissism-obsessed psychiatry blogger "The Last Psychiatrist" has discussed this a lot, most relevantly in https://thelastpsychiatrist.com/2009/01/can_narcissism_be_cu... and https://thelastpsychiatrist.com/2010/02/the_other_ego_epidem....

Here's (his version of) the tl;dr answer:

> "Help me, please, I think I'm a narcissist. What do I do?"

> There are a hundred correct answers, yet all of them useless, all of them will fail precisely because you want to hear them.

> There's only one that's universally effective, I've said it before and no one liked it. This is step 1: fake it.

> You'll say: but this isn't a treatment, this doesn't make a real change in me, this isn't going to make me less of a narcissist if I'm faking!

> All of those answers are the narcissism talking. All of those answers miss the point: your treatment isn't for you, it's for everyone else.

> If you do not understand this, repeat step 1.

Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?

#86

Post by slumdev »

drinfinity wrote: post #47
moretai wrote: post #27

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What are examples of problems you couldn't solve with your mind?

Broken heart Broken leg Blindness Losing a child Having a low (or too high) IQ Having severe mental disorder(s)

This is what happens when you run country music through lossy compression.

Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?

#87

Post by yters »

vearwhershuh wrote: post #23

Get married and have kids. Nothing will cure narcissism more effectively than holding a quivering, helpless newborn in your arms and realizing that you must keep this miracle alive.

I have to agree with this. Getting married has definitely forced me out of my shell. In general, getting involved in groups, e.g. religion, that is about more than self gratification gives me a broader perspective on life.

Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?

#89

Post by yters »

Religion could help you here, especially Christianity, since a fundamental insight is, as GK Chesterton puts it: "What's wrong with the world? I am."

Without realizing there is something fundamentally wrong with me, i.e. the narcissism aka pride, it is impossible to break free. This is the insight that allowed Dante to leave Hell in the Divine Comedy.

Re: Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?

#90

Post by dnautics »

yters wrote: post #89

Religion could help you here, especially Christianity, since a fundamental insight is, as GK Chesterton puts it: "What's wrong with the world? I am." Without realizing there is something fundamentally wrong with me, i.e. the narcissism aka pride, it is impossible to break free. This is the insight that allowed Dante to leave Hell in the Divine Comedy.

Isn't that still narcissistic?
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