Ask HN: How did you fix your narcissism?

I had an epiphany this year that I focus too much on myself and came to the realization that I might be a narcissist: I tend to talk too much about myself, I don't enjoy listening to other people, I tend to judge situations only from my perspective, I have an inflated ego and take things too personal.

These traits have affected my personal and professional life and would really like to fix them.

I did some search on Amazon but it seems that all the books are written for people who were affected by narcissistic people. Couldn't find any book for people who are narcissistic themselves and want to fix that.

Did anyone here had the same issues and can recommend me some tips/books on how to deal with this?

I used to be narcissistic but now I'm perfect.

Are you sure - there's levels of narcissism, some is healthy. Someone with full on Narcissistic Personality Disorder doesn't see a problem with it from my readings and sees no need to change, and would never ask this question. As @kstenerud a bit of empathy training could help, good on you for trying to change. Listen to people, learn to see the good in everyone etc.

Lots & LOTS of reading. LOTS of writing (look up journaling CBT). Distancing myself form people who actively engage in those behaviors & enable me to do so. Distance myself from social media (I haven't posted a selfie or personal life update in six months).

Focus on people close to you that engage you on an intellectually or emotionally inspiring way. Find projects that bring you joy (or at least pass the time fairly well).

Make jokes about yourself, to yourself. Take moments to pause & internally acknowledge when you feel you've done something you regret. Force yourself to apologize if it is necessary (but be wary that you may be trying to apologize to facilitate someone else coddling you: ask yourself if your apologizing improves THEIR life, not if it will assuage your guilt).

Good luck!

Finding a critical thinking best friend from the gender you are attracted to really helps here. Not being offended to harsh criticism will be the hardest part but it is definitely worth it. As you can imagine, this requires blind trust towards that friend, which is fine. Such friends will be responsible for your sanity check, especially if they are not afraid of telling you "Dude, WTF?" when you are at your worst. Making yourself lovable to others (not artificially) is a good motivator to accept the fact that you can love yourself less and still survive.

It seems to me that life in most forms are self-centered by nature and necessity, and it takes conscious effort to develop empathy for others.

Human society might be the worst (and best perhaps!) in terms of sacrificing the whole world to glorify the self, or vice versa.

Motherhood (or parenthood) is a clear exception, dedicating oneself for another - but it could be argued that is also in "self" interest, a larger sense of self over generations.

Altruism might be the antidote to narcissism. Paying attention and caring for others as one would for the self. I think it's also about having a larger sense of self, encompassing the whole of creation.