Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Bail – Get out of your plans, guilt free

bail-app.netlify.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

81–90 of 168 posts

Re: Bail – Get out of your plans, guilt free

#81

Post by andrewzah »

gfodor wrote: post #79
kerkeslager wrote: post #23

I can't imagine being friends with someone who is this incapable of communicating. The solution to this problem is sending a text that says, "Hey, I'm not feeling like coming out today after all. Rain check?" This app is a worse solution than the obvious solution. Trying to be empathetic: if you feel the need to use something like this, I'm not qualified to diagnose you as having social anxiety, but I would suggest y…

I disagree, hear me out. The reason this app makes sense is because if you are an empathetic person, and know other empathetic people, there's actually no good way to solve this problem through direct communication. Lets say you have plans with someone. But then, you decide fundamentally: if the other person would still like to do this, I am happy to. But if not, I'd prefer not to. This is the game theoretic situatio…

I’m sorry but this has nothing to do with empathy. As an adult, you should have the grace to understand that sometimes people, for whatever reason, don’t feel up to hanging out.

You are seriously overthinking this. Empathetic people can still communicate.

Re: Bail – Get out of your plans, guilt free

#83

Post by gfodor »

andrewzah wrote: post #81
gfodor wrote: post #79

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I disagree, hear me out. The reason this app makes sense is because if you are an empathetic person, and know other empathetic people, there's actually no good way to solve this problem through direct communication. Lets say you have plans with someone. But then, you decide fundamentally: if the other person would still like to do this, I am happy to. But if not, I'd prefer not to. This is the game theoretic situatio…

I’m sorry but this has nothing to do with empathy. As an adult, you should have the grace to understand that sometimes people, for whatever reason, don’t feel up to hanging out. You are seriously overthinking this. Empathetic people can still communicate.

My claim is that empathetic people can be dishonest and still be virtuous, not that no empathetic people can be honest. Concretely, I know people who do not express preferences directly on such things where it may harm me, out of empathy for me. I don't consider these people morally corrupt despite not being completely truthful. An app like this (or any tool like this) which removes the conflict between these values seems productive since unhappiness stems from not being able to live according to our value preferences.

I'm not sure who the "you" are addressing here, I'm talking about this problem from a game theoretic perspective which abstracts over all people.

It some situations there will be no lack of clarity - for example, if two people prefer honesty over empathy (shorthand for "will people be more honest even if they are concerned it will not maximize utility between the parties, or they are aware such utility is not at risk"), there will be no source of moral confusion. It's when there's unrevealed information about value judgements this problem manifests.

Re: Bail – Get out of your plans, guilt free

#85

Post by discreteevent »

ipnon wrote: post #56
busterarm wrote: post #17

Some folks I knew who rented an apartment in East Village to do their own startup had this exact same idea with this exact same name back in '14. I don't think they lasted very long with it and all ended up getting jobs, but this did at least make me check if this was the same folks. Edit: That said, I would pay to use this if it were done well and if I could get all my friends to use it.

We need an indexed and searchable startup graveyard to prevent this problem in the future.

I would nearly set something ad driven up to to do this just to see how long I could last before getting sucked in to my on graveyard.

Re: Bail – Get out of your plans, guilt free

#86

Post by derision »

bigiain wrote: post #71
derision wrote: post #60

Earlier quoted context omitted.

No those people just know how to communicate like a normal human and say hey I'm really not up for it tonight let's reschedule. If anyone replies negatively or aggressively to that they then should find new friends. This is ridiculous

"communicate like a normal human" is a bit unnecessarily negative/aggressive there. Some people genuinely do have trouble with that. belittling them isn't gonna help any...

Normal is a perfectly fine adjective. If you struggle with something like social anxiety by definition that's not normal. Not normal doesn't imply bad, it means not normal

Re: Bail – Get out of your plans, guilt free

#87

Post by __s »

gfodor wrote: post #79
kerkeslager wrote: post #23

I can't imagine being friends with someone who is this incapable of communicating. The solution to this problem is sending a text that says, "Hey, I'm not feeling like coming out today after all. Rain check?" This app is a worse solution than the obvious solution. Trying to be empathetic: if you feel the need to use something like this, I'm not qualified to diagnose you as having social anxiety, but I would suggest y…

I disagree, hear me out. The reason this app makes sense is because if you are an empathetic person, and know other empathetic people, there's actually no good way to solve this problem through direct communication. Lets say you have plans with someone. But then, you decide fundamentally: if the other person would still like to do this, I am happy to. But if not, I'd prefer not to. This is the game theoretic situatio…

But the correct play for empaths in this app is for both to pick bail in case the other person decides to pick bail. But now they've bailed on something they both want to do, but were okay with not doing. Not even sure if this app had a "pick 1 to 10 how much you want to bail" it'd be able to address this

Re: Bail – Get out of your plans, guilt free

#88

Post by gfodor »

__s wrote: post #87
gfodor wrote: post #79

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I disagree, hear me out. The reason this app makes sense is because if you are an empathetic person, and know other empathetic people, there's actually no good way to solve this problem through direct communication. Lets say you have plans with someone. But then, you decide fundamentally: if the other person would still like to do this, I am happy to. But if not, I'd prefer not to. This is the game theoretic situatio…

But the correct play for empaths in this app is for both to pick bail in case the other person decides to pick bail. But now they've bailed on something they both want to do, but were okay with not doing. Not even sure if this app had a "pick 1 to 10 how much you want to bail" it'd be able to address this

Hah. Interesting, hadn't considered that. I guess this doesn't solve the problem I mentioned.

There might be a $1b company in there if someone finds a generalized solution to this problem :)

Re: Bail – Get out of your plans, guilt free

#89

Post by Reedx »

kerkeslager wrote: post #23

I can't imagine being friends with someone who is this incapable of communicating. The solution to this problem is sending a text that says, "Hey, I'm not feeling like coming out today after all. Rain check?" This app is a worse solution than the obvious solution. Trying to be empathetic: if you feel the need to use something like this, I'm not qualified to diagnose you as having social anxiety, but I would suggest y…

Agree this is not the solution (though I find it funny and clever), and I say that as someone with lifelong social anxiety.

In fact I think it's counterproductive because you'd bail more often and get less practice with confronting and overcoming anxiety. Avoidance is really tempting, but not the answer.

Re: Bail – Get out of your plans, guilt free

#90

Post by 27182818284 »

busterarm wrote: post #17

Some folks I knew who rented an apartment in East Village to do their own startup had this exact same idea with this exact same name back in '14. I don't think they lasted very long with it and all ended up getting jobs, but this did at least make me check if this was the same folks. Edit: That said, I would pay to use this if it were done well and if I could get all my friends to use it.

There was a similar app for Facebook too where the app remained quiet unless you were both interested in having sex with each other and then it would send notifications to the two people.
Post reply on HN