Ask HN: I think I’ve burnt out. What should I do?

The thing is, in a couple jobs I had there was negative tension, as if management or others in the organization were in a constant battle to find something wrong with you. Something that could get you fired or keep you down. So you had that sick feeling going into work, where you were constantly being gaslighted along with plenty of passive aggressiveness.

Whereas where I am now, I am well liked, people bend over backwards to support others, and everyone is working toward the same goal. It helps that the industry itself make a positive impact on people. The main feeling I get now, is similar to what I get whenever I finish a major project (including personal projects, such as designing and building a shed, creating a programming language, or designing a highly functional desk). It is a mental version of physical exhaustion you get after a strenuous activity.

So every day I end up with a bunch of small accomplishments, and periodically something major at work, which feels good. But I am also very tired. I get plenty of vacation days, but really need to make better use of them.

I also have problems not the same but you need to seek professional help if you have a hard time coping. From your post it appears your job is not the problem but outside factors.

I also suggest reading "Maybe you should talk to someone".

We are rewarded for seeming happy and excited all the time, but often we need people in our life who we can open up to.

Maybe, but I think people underestimate the degree to which having a job keeps their lives in order. Self regulation in the sense of no job, daily schedule, and responsibilities when coupled with depression and burnout, is very difficult to navigate. Most people never spend long periods of time unemployed, we arent skilled for it. I also think that burnout can last a long time, longer than you can stay unemployed for. But I can see your point of view, I just think there's a risk.

Another thing to add is tenure on your resume matters, so if you are going through a tough period, and this person does end up getting fired in a year, they still have a two year stint. Much better than one year, people look at this stuff when they suspect the individual has had life difficulties.

I’m no expert but a few suggestions that have helped me in the past: a holiday to clear the mind, work is not your identity you need some free time from it, and it’s important to enjoy work so perhaps a more fun workplace or a change if your boss gives you anxiety? Hope this helps

I feel I need to disclaimer what I'm about to write so here goes.

Disclaimer: It's not my intention to offend anyone or brag or trivialize this. This is me asking a question out of curiosity and concern for my wellbeing.

Ok so, everytime I read about someone having a burnout or taking 3 months off to recover from burnout etc, I immediately think "oh here we go again, another crybaby". I know that everyone is different and everyone has their limits and that is ok. But I can't help but compare with myself and then I end up in the same question:

"Are all these people just weak, quick to complain, taking advantage of an employer, bad at managing their feelings and time OR am I just too hard on myself?"

While reading the OP's text, I have had some of the things they had, not everything. Reading other people's burnout stories sound familiar. I've had big breakups, I've had long steaks of overwork with little return in the expected results to be generated, I've had days where motivation was lacking for anything, not just work, I've had days where the lack of sleep causes lack of focus and motivation which causes more lack of sleep etc, and the list goes on.

What I find myself doing is just powering through. It might take a week or a month or three, but I end up fine or better than before. I don't know if that means I am stronger or better OR just not as burnt out as these other people. When talking with family and friends I have often said that what I want/need is more free time from work. That way I can relax and feel less stressed, and hopefully in due time work on some of my projects and ideas, yet so far I've been doing a normal 40 hours/week job with extra times often. I have tried to change my times to 4 days a week or 6 hours a day unsuccessfully so far. I sometimes feel I'm wasting this time.

How do you actually know is you are burnt out? How do you know if you can overcome it alone? How do I know if I'm not burnt out or if I'm strong enough to overcome it or if I'm stupid enough to ignore the signs or if everyone else is weak or if everyone else is doing the right thing?

That's all. I wish you best of luck and hope you feel better soon. Work is always better when it can be something you're proud of, and excited to go to. Again, I mean no disrespect to you or anyone else. This is my brain dumping all my thoughts and concerns in the hopes that I might get some interesting advice or food for thought. Thank you.