Ask HN: How do you deal with being laid off?

I was recently laid off as a part of a mass layoff, and I'm having a hard time coping with it.

For context: I was at the company for a little over two years. It was my first job out of college, and it was my top choice. While I wasn't the smartest person in the room, I was promoted once and was on track for the next promotion. I was completely blindsided by the layoff.

I think there are two main things I'm having a hard time with:

1) Comparison: I keep comparing myself to every person on my team who wasn't laid off - especially those who joined the company much after I did. I know I'll never truly understand the reason I was picked over others, but I can't help fixating on it. It is a huge blow to my self esteem. I feel like I just went through a breakup without any chance for closure.

2) Disorientation: I realized how dependent I was on the ecosystem. In a matter of hours my whole world was upturned - I was suddenly kicked out from a place that basically provided 3 meals, all my social contact and most of my intellectual stimulation. While I do have hobbies outside of work, being removed from place that was more familiar than my apartment feels extremely disorienting.

How have you dealt with being laid off in the past? Also to managers who are willing to share: How are layoffs usually decided?

PS: I'm not worried about getting hired elsewhere. I'm more concerned with being 100% okay before starting my next adventure.

Sorry you have to go through this. It can definitely be disorientating even for the people who stay on, as they loose colleagues.

But this is part of work life essentially, it's rare that you'll spend your whole career without being laid off. In my experience there was enough "political" movement in my company to tell why certain people were laid off.

Don't let work define who you are. Take this as the next chapter in your career where you develop and mature as a person and as an engineer.

Regarding 1, I think you should not obsess over it, maybe some other people were kept because they were less paid (That's usually quite an important metric during layoff..) not necessarily because they were better. It is also possible some people had a key skill on a specific tool or process that was thought important.

And in the end, it is totally possible that the wrong decision was taken by someone not really familiar with the situation (some HR people you have never seen in your life), but the good news is that you don't have to suffer the consequences of that mistake.

Regarding 2, we all suffer from that to some extent because of the time we spent at work, but it is a good reminder to not become only defined by work, because this is something more fleeting and unreliable that we'd like.