Ask HN: Burned out. How can I make the most of a sabbatical leave?

I was in denial about burnout for a long time, thinking that it was something that I just have to push myself through, and everything would be okay when it's over. But I recently read the description from jacquesm (http://jacquesmattheij.com/Are+you+suffering+from+burn-out) and it hit me hard. I'm in a state of shock over how much control I've ceded to this madness. Now the work is winding down, many co-workers have left for greener pastures, and my productivity is asymptotically approaching zero.

I've just asked my boss for a 1-year sabbatical, but I haven't chosen a start date for it, and I'm already suffering from analysis paralysis over what to do. I'm not ready for a new job or project -- I'm in no shape to work. I could travel, but my problems will just follow me around the world. I could volunteer, but I'm so emotionally empty that there's no heart for me to pour anywhere. I could do anything... and yet I'm somehow mentally and physically exhausted from doing little more than clock-watching and perfunctory bullshit (I wasn't this way before and can't believe that I've descended to this).

I don't have any goals or plans (or if I ever did, I've long since forgotten them). The perfect opportunity could be staring me in the face and I wouldn't notice it, or I'd talk myself out of it for fear of screwing it up.

Meanwhile, I've been self-medicating with classical music, long walks along the beach, science fiction novels, Internet addiction, and LOTS of sleep (9+ hours/day). It numbs the pain a bit, but otherwise doesn't seem to be helping.

Even more disturbing is that lately I've noticed myself engaging in perverse escape fantasies about what I might do (and then I'd catch myself and have a Who are you kidding?! moment):

- I'd ride my bike across the continent from Vancouver to Halifax (I don't own a bicycle and haven't ridden one in years)

- I'd travel to Antarctica and cuddle with penguins (I'm complaining about the unbearable winter cold in Southern California)

- I'd join a grassroots protest movement and bring down oppressive regimes (I'm too scared even to donate to Wikileaks)

- I'd dedicate myself to volunteer work in the places of the world most in need of help (I don't even pick up the litter I see on the street, and my lifetime charitable contributions total to less than US $1000)

- I'd earn a PhD, publish papers in prestigious journals, and achieve a research breakthrough (I flunked a couple of classes during college and probably survived my M.S. due to grade inflation)

- I'd found a startup, make products and services that people love, build überscale infrastructure using ultracool tech, and cash out for a fortune (I can't even refactor this putrid pile of Java in front of me)

- I'd become a virtuoso musician, competitive athlete, bestselling author, award-winning chef, whatever (I've spent the last 10 years working to become a better programmer and I still suck)

- I'd disappear into some misty mountain in a remote part of the world and live out my days as an ascetic hermit (I'm here on HN begging for advice like a whiny, attention-seeking brat)

And so I stop. These aren't real goals; I recognize them as daydreaming. I'm already defeated before I've even begun.

What I think I need is some time to do some serious soul-searching, and I doubt that a mere change of employment or environment is sufficient, since true change has to come from within. But anything more specific than that and I'm lost.

What I fear is that I might just be fundamentally lazy, and my lack of a plan will doom me to failure, whereupon I'll spend the rest of my life as damaged goods, unmotivated, unproductive, unemployable, unwanted and useless.

I'm not looking for sympathy. I just hope someone can kick some sense into me, help me see the light, and make best use of my time to recover.

Travel - Go somewhere that makes zero sense. It will make sense when you get there and when you leave.

Athletics - Pick something that is so far out of your reach that it doesn't make sense why you would do it. For example, I just signed up for a double-marathon without having ever done a marathon first.

Work on filling your emotional (motivational etc whatever you want to call it) gas tank and develop a process to keep the energy coming in the same as the energy going out.

How I've found that people (myself included) get into burnout is that they work their hardest on things with no positive emotional feedback. (such as completing a physics phd or dare I say programming for a startup pre-launch) Its not about toughness or anything here, that "some people just cant cut it." What is going is that the people that stay afloat have family, friends, hobbies and fun to keep them going.

What I would do is the following:

1. Identify the things emptying your gas tank (programming is extremely taxing after long periods of time)

2. Identify the things filling your gas tank (... as I said earlier ... friends, family, hobbies and fun with them)

3. Make sure you are working out, eating right and sleeping decent hours. (if your body's hormonal systems are going to be a help not a hurt they need to be taken care of)

4. Work on adjusting your balance much towards the fun stuff for a while and less from the draining stuff.

5. Slowly integrate some more draining stuff making sure the filling stuff isn't coming in faster on average.

I've burned out before, and this is how I got out of it. I wish you the best of luck here and hope to follow your way out.

Do any of those things, whatever interests you. Nobody here can tell you what is going to hold your interest.

I'm convinced the only way to really "cure" burn-out is to change scenery and time. It sounds like you've got both, so go do something, or do nothing at all. It doesn't matter too much.

I know you have lots of things you're thinking about doing now, but start your sabbatical anyway. It only takes a couple of weeks of doing nothing until you're ready to plan -- anything -- to get out of the boredom.

Take the time, do nothing, and then decide.

1. Join the slow movement.

http://www.slowmovement.com/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Slow_Movement

2. Meet a lot of new folks. Find meetups happening that have nothing to do with your field. Buy lunch to one new person everyday and have long conversations. Go on a road trip maybe to meet and connect with all your old college friends.

3. Read good fiction. Read magazines that have nothing to do with your interests.

4. Travel. But without fix leaving dates. Slow leisure travel.

5. Eat healthy. Exercise. Sleep well.

Inspiration for this post taken from the quote:

"There are four ways to know much: live for many years; travel through many lands; read many good books; and converse with wise friends." - Baltasar Gracián