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ADHD, a Lifelong Struggle (2018)

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Re: ADHD, a Lifelong Struggle (2018)

#291

I also have ADHD (Or what was called ADD before - i.e, not the hyperactive part), and got diagnosed as an adult. As a child, I was extremely hyperactive - by some mystery, my parents didn't get me examined. And since I mellowed down in my teens, them nor school bothered to do anything. But, yes, it's awful. For me, the worst parts are: - Uncontrollable "hyperfocus" on things you really don't have control over. It wou…

This is all super relatable.

> Uncontrollable "hyperfocus" on things you really don't have control over.

This is the bane of my existence. I have moments reading about things (most recently, how to repair air conditioning systems in vehicles I don't even own!?) in which I'm aware of how insane it is but I just can't stop. I need to know more.

> Poor time management. I once went snorkelling for an hour... for almost 4 hours. Everyone thought I was dead.

> Zero sympathy from other people. Yeah. All those people who thought I was dead subsequently believed I went snorkelling for 4 hours on purpose - not at all because I had no idea it had been that long. In my mind I thought "I better get back, it might be closing on 1.5 hours by now!". The ocean was too beautiful for time to exist though. I really had no idea. I was shamed for being so selfish and self absorbed for ages... I suppose I still am, actually. This happens with countless things. My family refuses to believe ADHD causes you to do things like this; they think I'm looking for excuses when I point to ADHD.

> Having a hard time reading long pieces of text. This is the one thing I'm alright at. I love getting lost in text, even if it's not that interesting. The problem is that I do it too often.

> Depression and anxiety Yeah. This is soul crushing.

Re: ADHD, a Lifelong Struggle (2018)

#292

Somehow a search for 'modafinil' doesn't turn anything up, in a thread full of ADHD-diagnosed software developers complaining about the side effects of their conventional stimulant medications. So I'll be that guy: Consider giving it a shot. I took d-amphetamine sulfate by prescription for a few years, couldn't tolerate the side effects, and modafinil helps a lot.

Yeah this seems to really help some people. There are easier to get medications than the hardcore stimulants to treat ADHD. They might not work as well, but access (and perhaps potential side effects) is better.

Re: ADHD, a Lifelong Struggle (2018)

#293
post #47

I’m 31 and have ADHD (diagnosed in my teens) and I’m pretty sure NOBODY with ADHD is going to have the wherewithal to read this entire article! Unless it happens to magically coincide with their hyper-focus topic of the moment! In all seriousness, I skimmed parts of the article and kept scrolling and it just kept going and going and going... like the Energizer bunny. I guess the author found a doctor to prescribe sti…

who enjoys doing boring things?

Re: ADHD, a Lifelong Struggle (2018)

#294

"If I don't want to wash a fence, I can't think about how to wash the fence. I go into complete lockup. I ask the question, "how do I wash the fence?" and the answer will not come to me. I can't get to "first I need a bucket and water." " This is so true! I'm ADHD, diagnosed and tried medications for a while, they helped, but had other issues so I stopped. What really helped was the realization that there are tasks w…

I find the problem with this feature of ADHD is that it often happens in social situations which is problematic. I can gradually ease myself over the hump of "what comes first?" in private and with some time, but if someone asks me something and the subject is completely irrelevant to where my attention is, I'll draw a blank for so long that it can appear rude. I'm not being rude though; the context switch is almost like hitting restart on my brain.

An example might be if my ex would ask me where we should eat dinner. Maybe I'm actually hungry at the moment, but I really don't know how to go about solving the problem of where to eat. My brain won't go there. I have an internal urgency to solve this because I know my ex will be annoyed if I don't have ideas, but my brain is completely blank. I fumble around with the same 2 or 3 bad ideas after 30 seconds or so, both struggling to rationalize them as choices and thinking of more places.

Soon my ex decides I don't have ideas because I'm either not hungry (which means I'm selfish because I should at least care to help her with ideas!), or I don't want to go out with her (if I wanted to I'd think of something - anything!).

I find similar mechanics in a lot of relationships, and it's never that I'm actually being selfish or even uninterested. My brain just goes blank.

Re: ADHD, a Lifelong Struggle (2018)

#295
post #256
post #202

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Warning: there can be a honeymoon phase where after diagnosis and beginning medication you enter this ecstatic period of normalcy on the one hand and insane productivity on the other. Don't get lulled into complacency. Use this period to improve lifestyle routines and get to a place where you can cruise at a better pace than you otherwise might once the acceleration stops. By lifestyle I don't mean some of the things…

Not to be too depressing, but there are two factors that can contribute to this honeymoon phase that I'm aware of: 1. Weight change, either bulking on muscle or fat can change your optimal dose for medication... And it's my opinion (and totally just my opinion) that starting to treat ADHD usually leads to a weight gain, either by getting you more able to exercise or increasing your activity and caloric intake. 2. Res…

> for the latter, well, it's a pile of poo but if you're able to stick with it your doctor will likely take you on a tour of different methyl*s until you find one that works

Best thing one can do is take chelated magnesium. Choline and fish oil help as well, but definitely take chelated magnesium every morning.

It helps prevent a tolerance build up (in turn helps prevent one from getting an increase in dosage) and helps replenishes the magnesium depleted from ADHD medication. Magnesium deficiencies are also common in those with ADHD who do not take medication. So if you're taking medication, the deficiency is caused by two sources.

Re: ADHD, a Lifelong Struggle (2018)

#296

I was told by my doctor that since I have a successful career as a software engineer I do not have ADHD. I'm still fighting to get a prescription. What he doesn't understand how my coping mechanisms are probably more unhealthy then the drug. I have allocate recreation time to work, use a lot of caffeine, and sleep deprivation to overcome my ADHD. Sleep deprivation is probably the strongest tool to combat ADHD but as…

> I have allocate recreation time to work

Ugh, this. So many lost days, weeks, months to ADHD. Just trying to keep up. Can't focus for a day? There goes the weekend. Shame, fear of losing my job, fear of work piling up - all of it. I have to make up for it at some point.

Re: ADHD, a Lifelong Struggle (2018)

#297
Not officially diagnosed, but I suffer a lot from ADHD-like behavior. Something I realized recently was that I'm actually getting really distracted by any kind of ambient noises from the background. I can't even listen to music, I won't drown it out and focus too much on the song instead of what I wanted to be productive in. So I tried some protective hearing earmuffs that block out up to 32 decibels of sound, and that surprisingly worked to increase my focus. By isolating myself from all the noises, I could hear my thoughts clearly and my mind wouldn't scatter as easily. YMMV.

Re: ADHD, a Lifelong Struggle (2018)

#298
post #192
post #157

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> When I have found things that I do genuinely enjoy, I can focus for hours and hours on end. One of the hallmarks of ADHD is not being able to get started and stay focused on things you do enjoy, not just things anyone would find unenjoyable.

Possibly. I would say the effects vary quite a bit. I have a close family member that has very rough ADHD, but can pull all nighters working on hobbies without medicine. As with anything, might just be an exceptional case.

You don't know if they have an internal struggle though. Just because they look functional to you doesn't mean it's easy for them.

Re: ADHD, a Lifelong Struggle (2018)

#299

Meditation helped me to deal with ADHD immensely. My ability to focus and concentrate is now on par if not better than most of my peers, though it requires me to spend about an hour every day in the morning to meditate. I find that it’s very much worth the time investment, and would recommend anyone struggling with focus/anxiety to try it themselves.

Funny. ADHD for me means no meditation. The focus needed to meditate is impossible to gather, even medicated. Attempts at meditation immediately becomes rumination, where I play through all the conversations I could possibly have in the coming day (and exploring the worst case scenarios), which leads to elevated stress, which makes the ADHD tendencies worse.

This might not be applicable to you, but I will say that meditating is like reading speed. Everyone says they can do it better than they can. I've done multiple meditation retreats and have meditated for years. For me, a "focused" meditation when I'm a bit out of practice means I'm actually focused maybe 3% of the time, and I consider myself a relatively focused individual.

For example, try this: Sit down in a mildly uncomfortable position and close your eyes. Take slow deep breaths, focusing entirely on your breath. Count each breath. If your focus wanes at all from that task, stop counting and see how high you got. When I first start this exercise, it's pretty common for me to not even be able to hit 5. But after 6-7 days of this I can usually get up to the 45-60 range.

Re: ADHD, a Lifelong Struggle (2018)

#300
post #47

I’m 31 and have ADHD (diagnosed in my teens) and I’m pretty sure NOBODY with ADHD is going to have the wherewithal to read this entire article! Unless it happens to magically coincide with their hyper-focus topic of the moment! In all seriousness, I skimmed parts of the article and kept scrolling and it just kept going and going and going... like the Energizer bunny. I guess the author found a doctor to prescribe sti…

> Unless it happens to magically coincide with their hyper-focus topic of the moment! It's funny. People with ADHD suffer from attention deficit but at the same time they display hyperattention when they encounter a subject they like. I've experienced it as well: once I start programming I have no problem doing it for 12 hours straight. I've found this trait in many ADHD patients. There's usually something that reall…

I have a pet theory that it's much easier for ADHD people to enter Flow state.

But also that Flow state is often a bad way to write code.

One, virtually everyone has a tremendous case of Sunk Cost Fallacy around things done in Flow state. If someone spent 10 hours in a week working on code that you say is badly conceived in a code review, you'll get pushback and grumbling. Argue with someone who did the PR in a single sitting? They will fight you. Hard. This is the most amazing code ever written (because I felt amazing while I was writing it). The rush goes to their heads.

Two, writing code for other people requires empathy. Rumination. Flow state is considerably absent of both of those. So the problems and gotchas you know about ahead of time get handled, but anything you find along the way is very likely to get ignored. The quantity of your code goes way, way up, the quality goes considerably in the other direction.

I made a conscious decision a while back (making official an unconscious one I'd already made) to stop seeking out Flow state. I felt better, but objectively, it hasn't done me any huge favors professionally. From a practical standpoint, me writing less code means that people who write more baroque code than I do at my worst get to set the narrative for larger slices of the codebase. But I've also done something I hate: reason that if a lot of something is bad, none of it is better.

I need a new plan, and I need it bad.

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