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Ask HN: Courses/resources to improve my self-esteem and believe in myself more?

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Re: Ask HN: Courses/resources to improve my self-esteem and believe in myself more?

#121

Post by rdrsss »

noncoml wrote: post #73

Bodybuilding. Seriously. Go to the gym and lift heavy. Lift daily. Spend 1.30-2 hours daily lifting weights. Start with a trainer if you have never done any competitive sports before. Fix your diet and eat a lot of protein. I promise you that you will not recognize yourself in 6 months to a year. Both physically and psychologically. IMHO a lot of issues we face in our times are because of the lack of exercise.

Another +1 on this. This seriously fixes a lot, not everything, but a lot. Been doing it for almost 10 years now, and when you fall off track or get in future ruts. It's such a great tool to get back on track. Getting a great workout in always seems to right the ship and set you up for course corrections. Oh also give Brazilian jiu jitsu a try.

Re: Ask HN: Courses/resources to improve my self-esteem and believe in myself more?

#122

Post by mettamage »

yesenadam wrote: post #82
mettamage wrote: post #23

Edit: sorry for the long comment, but my username is partially a result (the metta part) for going through a period of having low self-esteem. Tal-Ben Shahar Positive Psychology [1], it's a Harvard course and self-esteem is one of the lectures. It's old, but the big ideas that changed my life are there. So based on that course you'll want to learn about meditation. I've got the right book for you from a Google engine…

If you learn more about Frankl you may not be so impressed! The truth about him is pretty horrifying. See my recent comment and replies here https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=21901602

Oh dear, I am definitely interested!

Re: Ask HN: Courses/resources to improve my self-esteem and believe in myself more?

#123

Post by mettamage »

texasbigdata wrote: post #52
mettamage wrote: post #39

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Hmm... I like Jordan Peterson, but not regarding self-esteem. I simply like the advice of "make something of your life". In my opinion, he's too conservative and Christian to relate to me on how to get more self-esteem. I also think Jordan Peterson is a tough person to understand. The reason for that is: (1) sometimes he has a science-based psychological discussion (e.g. Big 5) and (2) sometimes he talks about Freud…

Am I the only one that like just didnt fully grasp his system? It came to highly recommended from a few credible friends, and some portions like taking care of yourself or helping yourself like you would help a friend were great, but it's super difficult to a) summarize his "method" / "system" and b) implement it or share it with a friend in a way that's helpful.

IMO, he is tricky to listen to and get right. Therefore, you need to be ruthless about cherry picking the advice that you believe will work for you.

I mostly find him interesting because whenever I agree (a lot) or disagree strongly (also a lot) with him, he is quite articulate about it. He is one of the people that keeps me out of my filter bubble. Second, his fuzzy/Jungian side in psychology is fascinating. In my psych degree we were only scientific, but if you let that go then you can go much deeper! Just because something is subjective doesn’t mean the information should be disregarded right away, you just need to understand the limitations and dangers of subjectivitt. I use that psychological side of him to think more philosophically about humans and to compare it to my own experiences and scientific literature.

My advice for my 20 year old self would be to avoid him other than his clip on DMT, his IQ + personality lectures that have statistical underpinning and “make something of yourself”

In short: if you don’t get him, feel free to ignore him. If you eant to watch Mathieu Ricard his TED Talks. He is a Buddhist monk and used to do research as a postdoc in molecular science.

Re: Ask HN: Courses/resources to improve my self-esteem and believe in myself more?

#124

Post by mettamage »

dvsfish wrote: post #104
mettamage wrote: post #47

Earlier quoted context omitted.

While Martin Seligman didn't make it on my list in my comment. I read him as well and IMO he's completely legit as a psychologist (way more legit than I am, and I even published a paper on the neuroscience/psychology of gamer frustration and engagement). He has studied the concept of learned helplessness (a fascinating concept) and optimism itself. Simply following his advice will make anyone's life more awesome.

I would love to read that paper of yours if you have it handy!

Email me, this account is pseudo-anonymous.

Re: Ask HN: Courses/resources to improve my self-esteem and believe in myself more?

#125

Post by CodeWriter23 »

Do esteemable acts on a regular basis. Start with simple things like holding the door for others or picking up what they drop. Let that evolve into an attitude of service; what can I bring to this situation that is actually helpful? Don’t seek recognition of any kind for such acts, the reward for doing the right thing is doing the right thing.

Re: Ask HN: Courses/resources to improve my self-esteem and believe in myself more?

#126

Post by thomk »

hisnameisjimmy wrote: post #116
thomk wrote: post #105

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Not necessarily just professional skills, but all skills. I am saying that confidence comes from being able to navigate the world with skills you have learned and not from dwelling on your history (alone or with a therapist) long after you already understand it. Your emotions are too powerful to control and you can't change the past. Literally the only thing you can control is your behavior. What you personally, actu…

I have done this successfully with two things in my life: dating and interviewing. There's some overlap, but I sucked at both. The only way I realized I would ever get better in any reasonable amount of time was to do it over and over and over again. I will say, it is emotionally very difficult and painful, but leads to the most rapid results. Two major things happened to me from massive amounts of repetition: 1) I l…

That's awesome. Your comments are spot on.

1. The very definition of confidence is exposing your true self to the world and being OK with how it is received. 2. Knowing what good/bad are. Yes, that helped you become confident. You began to have better 'taste' and you had the confidence to know AND admit which side of it you fell on.

Re: Ask HN: Courses/resources to improve my self-esteem and believe in myself more?

#127

Post by clarents »

SirensOfTitan wrote: post #3

I think you may find Albert Ellis's work valuable (he founded the Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy process, a cousin of CBT). He discusses self-esteem a lot in his work, particularly around the risks of both low self-esteem and high self-esteem. You may also find meditation helpful--particularly some kind of light noting practice (perhaps not Mahasi-style noting, but Shinzen Young's Unified Mindfulness/See Hear Fe…

A related book that I found very helpful is Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach. It introduced to me the idea of "self-compassion" which has been much more beneficial to me than self-esteem, and has also discusses meditation as a way to better understand one's self.

Re: Ask HN: Courses/resources to improve my self-esteem and believe in myself more?

#128

Post by dvfjsdhgfv »

I started to follow Tibetan Buddhist teaching, where high and low self-esteem are treated in the same way, as a manifestation of pride, which is considered one of the 5 main emotions. Once you go deeper, your low self-esteem is gone. There are very practical methods for that.

Re: Ask HN: Courses/resources to improve my self-esteem and believe in myself more?

#130

Post by 2snakes »

I do not think placing self-esteem as subordinate to your finite mind, body, and ego is wise. For me, universalizing human experience and studying and concentrating on the Atman has been useful. Keep a positive attitude by remembering we’re all god-in-the-making and this self continues to be projected and manifested and always remember self-surrender.
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