Ask HN: Courses/resources to improve my self-esteem and believe in myself more? • Hacker News Board

Re: Ask HN: Courses/resources to improve my self-esteem and believe in myself more?

#111

Post by wenc » Mon, Jan 20, 2020, 4:54 AM UTC

qfarhan wrote: post #99

wenc wrote: post #87

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Toastmasters, on the other hand, forces you to speak to others. Toastmasters explicitly trains members to be supportive and forgiving and to approach you to interact. Toastmasters is like a newbie environment that lets you build your confident. I agree with this, with just one caveat: many people join Toastmasters with the intention of getting better at public speaking -- and this intention needs to be put in persp…

Which class as second city did you attend? Do you have ideas about their different programs for adults? Thanks.

Most adult evening classes are open to the general public, and many dedicated aspiring artists actually take the same classes. Even so, the atmosphere is very safe (not at all intimidating, even for non artists like me), and beginners are welcome. It’s non-auditioned so you don’t have to worry about that. There are auditioned programs which are tougher to get into (I believe people like Stephen Colbert and Tina Fey were graduates of these programs) but the general classes are accessible to all.

There are dedicated public speaking classes, but the class I found most useful was “storytelling” (oral). It wasn’t hard per se but it does push one out of one’s comfort zone a little (not in a bad way), and for me, I could actually see the improvements in myself. (Bearing in mind I was starting from a low baseline)

Re: Ask HN: Courses/resources to improve my self-esteem and believe in myself more?

#112

Post by clSTophEjUdRanu » Mon, Jan 20, 2020, 5:09 AM UTC

noncoml wrote: post #73

Bodybuilding. Seriously. Go to the gym and lift heavy. Lift daily. Spend 1.30-2 hours daily lifting weights. Start with a trainer if you have never done any competitive sports before. Fix your diet and eat a lot of protein. I promise you that you will not recognize yourself in 6 months to a year. Both physically and psychologically. IMHO a lot of issues we face in our times are because of the lack of exercise.

+1

This right here. I'm not a bodybuilder but I do get my weekly cardio in. Makes you feel powerful in a way nothing else does. If you don't exercise regularly I'd focus on this first.

Re: Ask HN: Courses/resources to improve my self-esteem and believe in myself more?

#113

Post by clSTophEjUdRanu » Mon, Jan 20, 2020, 5:13 AM UTC

fancythat wrote: post #110

I made this account only to answer you, since I have few insights that might help you. Following noncoml's advice on bodybuilding, there is a truth in that direction: you need a challenges and victories to get out of your state. Most enlightening reads on that subject are: David Goggins - Can't hurt me Jocko Willink - Discipline equals freedom field manual The center point of your problem lies in a fact that you are…

Good. Now go do some burpees

Re: Ask HN: Courses/resources to improve my self-esteem and believe in myself more?

#114

Post by brucefromindia » Mon, Jan 20, 2020, 5:55 AM UTC

I also had the same issue and hitting the gym helped me a lot. Dont worry about any other variables in the beginning. Just keep showing up. I read a beautiful answer which sheds some light on the same thing. https://qr.ae/TUhWqE Start small and keep building on it. Make compound interest work for you. All the best :)

Re: Ask HN: Courses/resources to improve my self-esteem and believe in myself more?

#115

Post by born_on_sega » Mon, Jan 20, 2020, 7:27 AM UTC

harimau777 wrote: post #83

matwood wrote: post #18

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I agree with everything you said. I would also add jiu-jitsu. Few things in life can both take someone with too much ego and put it in check, and take someone with a lack of self-esteem/confidence and give it to them. It's hard to overstate the life lessons learned through training.

I came to this thread to post about BJJ, found that someone already did! Jiu-jitsu's actually not even my preferred martial art; however, for someone looking to improve themselves I think its about the best there is for a couple of reasons: - Since it's grappling, you can spar from pretty much day one with minimal chance of injury (compare this with something like boxing where sparring means getting punched in the fa…

You learn to relax, under threat of death, in bjj also

Re: Ask HN: Courses/resources to improve my self-esteem and believe in myself more?

#116

Post by hisnameisjimmy » Mon, Jan 20, 2020, 7:37 AM UTC

thomk wrote: post #105

playing_colours wrote: post #81

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Can you please elaborate more on being competent, and how ti is related to controlling your behaviour? Do you mean, say, to fully focus on mastering professional skills?

Not necessarily just professional skills, but all skills. I am saying that confidence comes from being able to navigate the world with skills you have learned and not from dwelling on your history (alone or with a therapist) long after you already understand it. Your emotions are too powerful to control and you can't change the past. Literally the only thing you can control is your behavior. What you personally, actu…

I have done this successfully with two things in my life: dating and interviewing. There's some overlap, but I sucked at both. The only way I realized I would ever get better in any reasonable amount of time was to do it over and over and over again.

I will say, it is emotionally very difficult and painful, but leads to the most rapid results.

Two major things happened to me from massive amounts of repetition: 1) I lost my fear and could be my authentic self (which is maybe what confidence is) 2) I really started to understand what 'good' and 'bad' were within the context of whatever I was trying to improve.

I would add, if you decide to do something like this, make sure to take care of yourself. Facing your fears like this, especially if you're doing it aggressively, is stressful. Make sure to exercise or do something else that allows you to blow off emotional steam.

Re: Ask HN: Courses/resources to improve my self-esteem and believe in myself more?

#117

Post by someguy101010 » Mon, Jan 20, 2020, 7:40 AM UTC

noncoml wrote: post #73

Bodybuilding. Seriously. Go to the gym and lift heavy. Lift daily. Spend 1.30-2 hours daily lifting weights. Start with a trainer if you have never done any competitive sports before. Fix your diet and eat a lot of protein. I promise you that you will not recognize yourself in 6 months to a year. Both physically and psychologically. IMHO a lot of issues we face in our times are because of the lack of exercise.

Can not upvote this enough. It does get easier, but you have to do it every day, that's the hard part, but it does get easier

Re: Ask HN: Courses/resources to improve my self-esteem and believe in myself more?

#118

Post by ManlyBread » Mon, Jan 20, 2020, 8:50 AM UTC

joncrane wrote: post #10

This is going to sound like circular reasoning, but bear with me: In order to raise self esteem, one must do esteemable things. Volunteer, be kind, let people in in traffic, work out, do these things consciously. You have to spend energy every day. Choose to spend it in positive ways. Note: the results are not instantaneous. Nor are they overpowering. It's subtle, and you often only notice after things have been bett…

I volunteered in the past and it only made things worse. It felt like I'm solving the problems of other people but there is no one who is willing to help me solve my issues.

Re: Ask HN: Courses/resources to improve my self-esteem and believe in myself more?

#119

Post by richard78459 » Mon, Jan 20, 2020, 9:45 AM UTC

thomk wrote: post #53

Yes, I wish I could PM you. I spent lots of time in front of therapists as well. What I got for it was an education in how I got to be who I am today. My recommendation is to save your money, watch School of Life videos ( https://www.theschooloflife.com/ ) and you can figure out why you are you. The short answer is; your upbringing, because it's very hard to change that internal original programming. The goal of ther…

Right. Get good at something and remember when some one tries to size you up. Even if you are in a position to not respond just remembering how good you are changes your body posture and expressions. The down side is sometimes if makes you feel a bit of a dick to think like this but its okay.

Re: Ask HN: Courses/resources to improve my self-esteem and believe in myself more?

#120

Post by matwood » Mon, Jan 20, 2020, 11:40 AM UTC

harimau777 wrote: post #83

matwood wrote: post #18

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I agree with everything you said. I would also add jiu-jitsu. Few things in life can both take someone with too much ego and put it in check, and take someone with a lack of self-esteem/confidence and give it to them. It's hard to overstate the life lessons learned through training.

I came to this thread to post about BJJ, found that someone already did! Jiu-jitsu's actually not even my preferred martial art; however, for someone looking to improve themselves I think its about the best there is for a couple of reasons: - Since it's grappling, you can spar from pretty much day one with minimal chance of injury (compare this with something like boxing where sparring means getting punched in the fa…

Thanks for expanding :)

The badass part is interesting. Knowing that someone who knows more BJJ than you will beat you, regardless of size and strength I think balances people out. Also, aggressive jerks either self select out or get the aggressive jerk beat out of them while learning. I haven't met an aggressive jerk yet whose ego survives getting choked out by a 120# woman.