Certain high achievers in their career use their career as a cover for general failings in other parts of their life. I’ve seen it a few times and it ends badly when it all finally catches up to them, often too late in life to do much about it. Some people are very happy to have their career be their whole identity, but most don’t think that way and define “success” as success across multiple areas of their life.
What happens when your career becomes your whole identity
141–150 of 277 posts
Re: What happens when your career becomes your whole identity
#142Earlier quoted context omitted.
> all of which can strengthen the urge to defer existential questions about meaning, purpose, community, and identity until some unspecified future date I've quit my Software Engineering job twice now to spend years of my life doing whatever I want. First time I spent two years driving from Alaska to Argentina [1] and second time I just spent three years driving right around Africa [2]. Both times I had no job, no bo…
All very impressive -- hope this guy is as happy as his scrupulously cultivated brand requires and celebrates. But I wonder if this represents a cautionary tale -- someone who took their non-"desk job" and assiduously commoditized their adventures. The 110% workaholism never stopped. Click here to buy the book, follow the instagram, subscribe to the YouTube. Or maybe this is what can happen if you don't indulge your…
Your comment reminded me of Ralph Waldo Emerson’s thoughts - how wanderlust can keep us from leading meaningful lives. Worth a read: https://www.frontporchrepublic.com/2019/04/wanderlust-keeps-...
Re: What happens when your career becomes your whole identity
#143Earlier quoted context omitted.
I am aware of that. I am not comparing my experience but rather taking average as a baseline. If 40 out of 50 people end up in poverty in my neighborhood, then chances are I will given how similar metrics for ending in poverty is. Of course it's not always good but not sure where I can draw a line when I feel 'something' is not satisfying. You can compare it to people who are unaware that they are depressed or have m…
You need to set your aspirations at a reasonable level and have goals that are relatively close (say, one order of magnitude away by some metric) to what you have now, with a plan that can get you there. Also: > If 40 out of 50 people end up in poverty in my neighborhood, then chances are I will given how similar metrics for ending in poverty is. This isn't the case at all. Most people don't prioritise wealth generat…
That was an example, not exactly my situation. If wealth generation alone was a metric, I wouldn't have that much problem but regarding the last statement, most research would disagree. Growing up in poverty fuels a mindset of poverty, I have experienced it first hand. Maybe things are different in other places so I am not gonna make a generalization about anything else. Poor countries with overflow tends to have people who put wealth accumulation above all.
And I think I set a reasonable expectation. That is one thing I am afraid of doing the most, setting expectations high that you would never reach for myself or others. I don't find any balance here. I don't have any metrics to compare or find a reasonable solution to what I should expect of others or whether at all. Do I expect my family to be reasonable or not? Do I expect my environment to be friendly or not? If overestimate, disappointment. If you underestimate, trap of trust issues and general existential crisis of why bother.
I just decided I want an average first world life quality eventually but THAT is hard. Eh, getting average quality of life removing the wealth as a metric here is hard.
I guess I could call it cultural, environmental or social disintegration?
Re: What happens when your career becomes your whole identity
#144Earlier quoted context omitted.
Do you mind sharing from what country you come from and what language that is in please? I just spent three years driving around Africa, and I usually say "People treat people like people" to describe everything that is amazing about the people there. It sounds awkward, but it's the best way I have to describe what you're talking about. I'd love to quote your saying, if you don't mind!
South Africa. And I guess Xhosa/Zulu. The electricity provider mentioned is Eskom. It's complicated.
Yes it is South Africa. Born in Zim to descendents of Mzilikazi who left South Africa during Shaka Zulu's reign.
Re: What happens when your career becomes your whole identity
#145We have a saying back home that goes, "umuntu ngumuntu ngabantu" which literally translates to a person is a person because of other people. So in effect in Africa we care more about people than our jobs. Trouble is when your job is managing national electricity company it isn't a good approach because we tend to put our relationships above our jobs. Result is patchy electricity supply. It is one (just one not the ma…
Do you mind sharing from what country you come from and what language that is in please? I just spent three years driving around Africa, and I usually say "People treat people like people" to describe everything that is amazing about the people there. It sounds awkward, but it's the best way I have to describe what you're talking about. I'd love to quote your saying, if you don't mind!
The saying isn't mine but an African idiom. As you spent time in Africa experiencing it you have every right to use it :-).
Re: What happens when your career becomes your whole identity
#146Earlier quoted context omitted.
Well put. The specific case was not compelling and I wonder whether it is even real. A son of highly achieving attorneys learns that corporate law is stressful? Do tell. I was reminded of Tom Lehrer's quip about the fictional inventor of the gallbladder, "He soon became a specialist, specializing in diseases of the rich. He was therefore able to retire at an early age."[1] [1] http://www.casualhacker.net/tom.lehrer/e…
A specialist in diseases for the rich might have to come out of retirement to treat himself.
But, could he afford it? See this from The Flintstones:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AGkPzDxd09I
Re: What happens when your career becomes your whole identity
#147In my experience extreme workaholism can often be a way to avoid or defer major life decisions that someone doesn't want to make or even consciously recognize. High status careers are often structured, full of positive feedback loops, and well compensated, all of which can strengthen the urge to defer existential questions about meaning, purpose, community, and identity until some unspecified future date, even (perha…
> all of which can strengthen the urge to defer existential questions about meaning, purpose, community, and identity until some unspecified future date I've quit my Software Engineering job twice now to spend years of my life doing whatever I want. First time I spent two years driving from Alaska to Argentina [1] and second time I just spent three years driving right around Africa [2]. Both times I had no job, no bo…
For a brief period of time I thought the “quit job to travel” was the dream life, but I soon realized, at least for me, that traveling for the sake of travel was just another way of running away of my problems.
It also made me realize that most people are happiest when they feel like they’re contributing to society in some way, and traveling non-stop feels like you’re side stepping your role in society rather than making any contributions to it.
Though I do think there’s a ton of value in mini-retirements or sabbaticals of maybe a few months to a year, and travel during those times can play a huge role in helping break up your routine and provide some perspective.
Re: What happens when your career becomes your whole identity
#148I wonder what the money equivalent is of the term "first world problems". Millions of Americans spend sixty hours a week at work and still worry about whether they need to give up their health insurance this year so they can afford to replace their fifteen year old car because they'll lose their job if it breaks down and makes them late again.
I read this as "we should be content with being well-paid wage slaves because there are lots of underpaid wage slaves". Having to give our best 40+ hours every week to simply exist is soul-crushing and society-weakening. If you "need" to have a job, you are more like those struggling millions of Americans than you are like the moneyed elite, even if you aren't stressed about money on a day-to-day basis. You still are…
People by and large don't want to be free. Society is the choice to trade freedom for safety and predictability.
Re: What happens when your career becomes your whole identity
#149I feel like many workplaces push you to do this, regardless of the prospects. I've worked dead-end admin positions where I was expected to give inordinate amount of myself - my time, my energy, my focus - to work that was, as per the dead end-edness, not going to lead to positive renumeration vis á vis the investment. There was no awareness of where the job, the business, the industry really was, a predictable but unfortunate result of the decision-makers being either people in one of the few positions or people gunning (with realistic prospects of achieving) one. Just a sort of blind adherence to corporate dogma. Meanwhile, the HN et al. line is, "Those are only transitory jobs, it's okay that they don't pay a living wage or treat you with any dignity, you're supposed to move on from them." Not within the organization, apparently. So we're to betray the people who gave us the opportunity which we're supposed to be so appreciative of? Doesn't that go directly against that corporate dogma we're around every day?
The unspoken and contradictory of etiquette of the American workplace is frustrating and demoralizing.
Re: What happens when your career becomes your whole identity
#150In my experience extreme workaholism can often be a way to avoid or defer major life decisions that someone doesn't want to make or even consciously recognize. High status careers are often structured, full of positive feedback loops, and well compensated, all of which can strengthen the urge to defer existential questions about meaning, purpose, community, and identity until some unspecified future date, even (perha…
I see it more as a way to fill gaps in someone’s life that they’ve either consciously or subconsciously rejected e.g. having a family.
This might be extremely controversial but does anyone else find it fitting that so many of the high profile Silicon Valley elite are single childless gay men?