What happens when your career becomes your whole identity • Hacker News Board

Re: What happens when your career becomes your whole identity

#131

Post by twic » Sat, Dec 28, 2019, 10:42 PM UTC

grecy wrote: post #105

nugget wrote: post #7

In my experience extreme workaholism can often be a way to avoid or defer major life decisions that someone doesn't want to make or even consciously recognize. High status careers are often structured, full of positive feedback loops, and well compensated, all of which can strengthen the urge to defer existential questions about meaning, purpose, community, and identity until some unspecified future date, even (perha…

> all of which can strengthen the urge to defer existential questions about meaning, purpose, community, and identity until some unspecified future date I've quit my Software Engineering job twice now to spend years of my life doing whatever I want. First time I spent two years driving from Alaska to Argentina [1] and second time I just spent three years driving right around Africa [2]. Both times I had no job, no bo…

How did you get across the Darien Gap?

Re: What happens when your career becomes your whole identity

#132

Post by lilcorey10 » Sat, Dec 28, 2019, 10:47 PM UTC

0kl wrote: post #123

grecy wrote: post #105

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> all of which can strengthen the urge to defer existential questions about meaning, purpose, community, and identity until some unspecified future date I've quit my Software Engineering job twice now to spend years of my life doing whatever I want. First time I spent two years driving from Alaska to Argentina [1] and second time I just spent three years driving right around Africa [2]. Both times I had no job, no bo…

What is your takeaway? What did you mine from really thinking about the meaning and direction you want to take with your life? *clarification: I mean it earnestly, as I have not done anything that you have.

‘I don't want to be at work making someone else rich. I want to spend those remaining 30 years enjoying myself and bringing happiness to those in my life’

How do you expect to live out those 30 years without working consistently? Do you have means of enough passive income ?

Re: What happens when your career becomes your whole identity

#133

Post by grecy » Sat, Dec 28, 2019, 10:47 PM UTC

brookside wrote: post #118

grecy wrote: post #105

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> all of which can strengthen the urge to defer existential questions about meaning, purpose, community, and identity until some unspecified future date I've quit my Software Engineering job twice now to spend years of my life doing whatever I want. First time I spent two years driving from Alaska to Argentina [1] and second time I just spent three years driving right around Africa [2]. Both times I had no job, no bo…

You are sure are doing a whole lot of book promotion on here and on reddit! This may come across as harsh, but driving on highways, pan-american or not, doesn't strike me as much of an adventure in the current era.

> This may come across as harsh, but driving on highways, pan-american or not, doesn't strike me as much of an adventure in the current era.

No worries, I totally understand where you're coming from. I don't disagree with you either - sticking to the beaten path can be very easy, especially in countries that are more developed and have lots of tourists. It can certainly get very difficult and adventurous if you wish.

From your comment I take it you've never been to West Africa. Driving across Nigeria, Mali, the DRC, Angola most certainly is an adventure, even in 2019. When I went looking for it I was right in it up to my neck, often wondering if I'd bitten off more than I can chew. I crossed a border where the border guard who had been working there for three years had never seen a foreigner in his life. Plenty of times kids ran away from me because they had never seen a white person. Yes, even today you can go and do that, in West Africa, if you go remote enough.

I got malaria twice. I rolled my Jeep. I got stuck in the mud alone. I drove through water that came over the hood many times. It was 100F and 99% humidity for months on end, even at night I was pouring sweat trying to sleep.

It's easily the hardest and most rewarding thing I've ever done in my life, and to be honest I wonder if I'll never find that level of being truly alive ever again.

If you genuinely want to know what I'm talking about, here's a video of me driving across the DRC, easily the 5 biggest days of adventure in my life. I'm happy to answer any questions you have about the DRC crossing, or anything else for that matter.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OV8V3GdOcPU

Re: What happens when your career becomes your whole identity

#134

Post by seanmcdirmid » Sat, Dec 28, 2019, 10:48 PM UTC

twic wrote: post #131

grecy wrote: post #105

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> all of which can strengthen the urge to defer existential questions about meaning, purpose, community, and identity until some unspecified future date I've quit my Software Engineering job twice now to spend years of my life doing whatever I want. First time I spent two years driving from Alaska to Argentina [1] and second time I just spent three years driving right around Africa [2]. Both times I had no job, no bo…

How did you get across the Darien Gap?

Covered in the links: http://theroadchoseme.com/shipping-across-the-darien-gap-pt-...

It isn’t crystal clear, but it looks like they went in on someone with a shipping container.

Re: What happens when your career becomes your whole identity

#135

Post by grecy » Sat, Dec 28, 2019, 10:49 PM UTC

twic wrote: post #131

grecy wrote: post #105

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> all of which can strengthen the urge to defer existential questions about meaning, purpose, community, and identity until some unspecified future date I've quit my Software Engineering job twice now to spend years of my life doing whatever I want. First time I spent two years driving from Alaska to Argentina [1] and second time I just spent three years driving right around Africa [2]. Both times I had no job, no bo…

How did you get across the Darien Gap?

I shipped the Jeep in a shipping container from Panama to Colombia. Full details on how you can do it too, and price breakdown are here: http://theroadchoseme.com/shipping-across-the-darien-gap-pt-...

Re: What happens when your career becomes your whole identity

#136

Post by shrimp_emoji » Sat, Dec 28, 2019, 10:51 PM UTC

grecy wrote: post #128

0kl wrote: post #123

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What is your takeaway? What did you mine from really thinking about the meaning and direction you want to take with your life? *clarification: I mean it earnestly, as I have not done anything that you have.

My takeaway is that I must make decisions and take action if I am to live the life I want, in a manner that makes me happy. Nobody else will do that for me, and if I live my life on autopilot I will be extraordinarily disappointed when I look back over my life and see that I never took life by the horns and charted my own course. It's on me, and that is equal measures exciting and (some days) terrifying. I lost my Mu…

>Earning money is the worst of all false gods to chase.

Moloch is pretty bad, but Gnon is worse. uwu

Re: What happens when your career becomes your whole identity

#137

Post by DonHopkins » Sat, Dec 28, 2019, 10:57 PM UTC

OldGuyInTheClub wrote: post #51

zomglings wrote: post #37

This is a thinly veiled advertisement for the author's psychological services - the company they had to start to solve this problem. It is hard to get anywhere in this world without working your ass off. It is a sign of extreme privilege to even have the freedom to complain about it.

Well put. The specific case was not compelling and I wonder whether it is even real. A son of highly achieving attorneys learns that corporate law is stressful? Do tell. I was reminded of Tom Lehrer's quip about the fictional inventor of the gallbladder, "He soon became a specialist, specializing in diseases of the rich. He was therefore able to retire at an early age."[1] [1] http://www.casualhacker.net/tom.lehrer/e…

A specialist in diseases for the rich might have to come out of retirement to treat himself.

Re: What happens when your career becomes your whole identity

#138

Post by JDiculous » Sat, Dec 28, 2019, 11:00 PM UTC

The problem is that we're often expected to make our career our identity. If you don't, then you get passed over for a promotion/hire while the workaholic gets a promotion.

This problem is especially acute in the U.S. where one of the first questions people ask each other when they meet is "what do you do"

Re: What happens when your career becomes your whole identity

#139

Post by rabidrat » Sat, Dec 28, 2019, 11:03 PM UTC

Causality1 wrote: post #32

I wonder what the money equivalent is of the term "first world problems". Millions of Americans spend sixty hours a week at work and still worry about whether they need to give up their health insurance this year so they can afford to replace their fifteen year old car because they'll lose their job if it breaks down and makes them late again.

I read this as "we should be content with being well-paid wage slaves because there are lots of underpaid wage slaves". Having to give our best 40+ hours every week to simply exist is soul-crushing and society-weakening. If you "need" to have a job, you are more like those struggling millions of Americans than you are like the moneyed elite, even if you aren't stressed about money on a day-to-day basis. You still aren't free.

Re: What happens when your career becomes your whole identity

#140

Post by esotericn » Sat, Dec 28, 2019, 11:03 PM UTC

thrwaway69 wrote: post #129

phkahler wrote: post #121

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Sounds like you have a goal. Making progress toward a goal can be satisfying. Even more so than reaching the goal. One problem I see is that you are comparing yourself to others (you mention the average person). Whatever landed you where you're at is unique to you. It's your challenge to overcome and should not be compared to anyone else. There's only you today and you tomorrow. Keep moving toward that goal even if i…

I am aware of that. I am not comparing my experience but rather taking average as a baseline. If 40 out of 50 people end up in poverty in my neighborhood, then chances are I will given how similar metrics for ending in poverty is. Of course it's not always good but not sure where I can draw a line when I feel 'something' is not satisfying. You can compare it to people who are unaware that they are depressed or have m…

You need to set your aspirations at a reasonable level and have goals that are relatively close (say, one order of magnitude away by some metric) to what you have now, with a plan that can get you there.

Also:

> If 40 out of 50 people end up in poverty in my neighborhood, then chances are I will given how similar metrics for ending in poverty is.

This isn't the case at all. Most people don't prioritise wealth generation. They prioritise things like staying close to family, maintaining old friendships, not moving, working in a specific field or on specific problems they enjoy, etc.

If you actually go out there and seek it, yeah, it's hard, but the odds aren't anywhere near as stacked as you're making out.

The odds are mostly stacked against you in the sense of things like health issues, or passports, etc. Growing up simply with not much money isn't that hard to get out of.