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Takeaways from coaching CEOs, founders and VCs

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Re: Takeaways from coaching CEOs, founders and VCs

#51

Post by MattPiskorz »

tomhoward wrote: post #42
JacobAldridge wrote: post #33

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Thanks for sharing Tom. I enjoyed your recent LI post about some of the recent successes you’ve helped create in multiple businesses - it really seemed (with all the social media caveats) that you’ve been focused and continue to create enormous value around you.

Oh thanks for that. Funny for you to observe that I've seemed “focused”. I've often though that to an outsider who isn't right beside me on this journey, I'd seem incredibly unfocused; since leaving my startup I've worked on almost 10 different projects or contracts. But what I've actually been doing, mostly very privately, is undertaking a highly focused project/experiment in deeply healing my mind and body, whilst…

Any chance you can point to the starting point for your project/experiment? Such as did you find a book that helped you to start asking a set of questions about yourself. If so, what questions seem to being making the biggest impact?

Also, just wanted to say thank you for posting about this. I realize this really private stuff and I'm trying to find my own process for something similar to this.

Re: Takeaways from coaching CEOs, founders and VCs

#52

Post by JunkDNA »

Thank you for this write-up. I recently (last ~3 weeks) started working with a coach for the very first time in my career. I think I've been nibbling around the edges of a lot of what you address directly here. What I'm only now starting to have the haziest notion of is how many so-called limitations and struggles might actually be almost total fabrications of the emotional part of my mind. I wish I had been working with a coach a lot earlier in my career.

Re: Takeaways from coaching CEOs, founders and VCs

#53

Post by sjg007 »

tomhoward wrote: post #26

> “We’re all just big, complicated bags of emotion walking around.” This has been the most important discovery from my startup journey, and the topic on which I now place the greatest focus. I was in the YC batch of winter 2009 – the one that included Airbnb. It was a small batch, so we all got to know each other pretty well. There was something that really made the Airbnb founders stand out from the rest in that bat…

I always wonder if some place like YC could use a resident therapist/psychologist. Someone who meets with founders as needed or on a weekly basis. Might be helpful.. After watching the Showtime show "Billions", the idea seems like a pretty interesting innovation.

Re: Takeaways from coaching CEOs, founders and VCs

#54

Post by cynusx »

spodek wrote: post #37

As a coach to similar-level people and professor/coach to elite students at NYU and Columbia Business School, I'm also impressed by how much the social and emotional challenges can be overcome with a few exercises that teach social and emotional skills. It amazes me that our educational system at every level teaches so much information, knowledge, and analytical skill but virtually ignores teaching social and emotion…

There are well-researched emotional intelligence tests that give you a scientific measurement of your abilities (e.g. EQ-i 2.0 model). In fact, they have been personally very helpful to realize that I went through life being unaware of the majority of my own emotional states. I started a game to label how I feel for a few months and that led to some in-depth life changes that I had to make and closed some gaps I had in understanding how others feel.

Re: Takeaways from coaching CEOs, founders and VCs

#55

Post by tomhoward »

tomhoward wrote: post #26

> “We’re all just big, complicated bags of emotion walking around.” This has been the most important discovery from my startup journey, and the topic on which I now place the greatest focus. I was in the YC batch of winter 2009 – the one that included Airbnb. It was a small batch, so we all got to know each other pretty well. There was something that really made the Airbnb founders stand out from the rest in that bat…

By the way, since someone has already asked (and I generally get requests for more info when I write about this stuff here) people are welcome to contact me if they want to know more about techniques I’ve used for emotional healing.

I’m working on some written material to share my learnings with others who may benefit from it, so if you get in touch I can share it when it’s ready.

Email address in profile.

Re: Takeaways from coaching CEOs, founders and VCs

#56

Post by muse900 »

tomhoward wrote: post #26

> “We’re all just big, complicated bags of emotion walking around.” This has been the most important discovery from my startup journey, and the topic on which I now place the greatest focus. I was in the YC batch of winter 2009 – the one that included Airbnb. It was a small batch, so we all got to know each other pretty well. There was something that really made the Airbnb founders stand out from the rest in that bat…

>And as my healing journey has progressed, any ambitions I held to achieve business success on par with the Airbnb founders has faded, and been eclipsed by the realisation in order to do _anything_ well – from running businesses and leading social/political movements, to simply having successful friendships/relationships, a healthy family life and a physiologically healthy body – a healthy emotional foundation is of prime importance.

I feel also one has to realize that he can't have it all in life. I think its almost impossible and out of our nature to be able to achieve greatness in all fields. You might be the most successful CEO in the world and having the most money in the world but that doesn't mean that you are going to have and lead a successful family life as well.

Same way you can be successful at having a nice family and a loving partner etc but that requires time, time which you'll not be able to invest the time that being a CEO requires.

Thats my personal take from life so far - you have to decide what you want to be.

Re: Takeaways from coaching CEOs, founders and VCs

#57

Post by bravura »

sjg007 wrote: post #53
tomhoward wrote: post #26

> “We’re all just big, complicated bags of emotion walking around.” This has been the most important discovery from my startup journey, and the topic on which I now place the greatest focus. I was in the YC batch of winter 2009 – the one that included Airbnb. It was a small batch, so we all got to know each other pretty well. There was something that really made the Airbnb founders stand out from the rest in that bat…

I always wonder if some place like YC could use a resident therapist/psychologist. Someone who meets with founders as needed or on a weekly basis. Might be helpful.. After watching the Showtime show "Billions", the idea seems like a pretty interesting innovation.

It’s a sweet thought but there would be far too many conflicts of interest for a single therapist to operate ethically.

Re: Takeaways from coaching CEOs, founders and VCs

#58

Post by ericmcer »

tomhoward wrote: post #26

> “We’re all just big, complicated bags of emotion walking around.” This has been the most important discovery from my startup journey, and the topic on which I now place the greatest focus. I was in the YC batch of winter 2009 – the one that included Airbnb. It was a small batch, so we all got to know each other pretty well. There was something that really made the Airbnb founders stand out from the rest in that bat…

It is difficult deciding if this is inspiring or discouraging. The way you describe the Airbnb founders it feels like they had some intrinsic ability or talent. I think I have always viewed failure as not working hard enough, or smart enough, almost getting there but just not quite getting it right. Reminders that you may be failing because you might just not have ‘it’, and that no amount of work will get you there are kinda brutal.

I always think back to being 8 years old and running with my friends. Some kids were just faster, others were slower. No one was training or working at it, no one was reading up on techniques at night. Some kids were just better. Are most of us just the kids in the middle trying to be the fast ones? Is self-acceptance, tempering of expectations and emotional growth a road to happiness or the silver medal of people who were just not good enough?

Re: Takeaways from coaching CEOs, founders and VCs

#59

Post by lbotos »

ericmcer wrote: post #58
tomhoward wrote: post #26

> “We’re all just big, complicated bags of emotion walking around.” This has been the most important discovery from my startup journey, and the topic on which I now place the greatest focus. I was in the YC batch of winter 2009 – the one that included Airbnb. It was a small batch, so we all got to know each other pretty well. There was something that really made the Airbnb founders stand out from the rest in that bat…

It is difficult deciding if this is inspiring or discouraging. The way you describe the Airbnb founders it feels like they had some intrinsic ability or talent. I think I have always viewed failure as not working hard enough, or smart enough, almost getting there but just not quite getting it right. Reminders that you may be failing because you might just not have ‘it’, and that no amount of work will get you there a…

> Are most of us just the kids in the middle trying to be the fast ones? Is self-acceptance, tempering of expectations and emotional growth a road to happiness or the silver medal of people who were just not good enough?

I used to race bicycles competitively, and our coach grilled into our heads: "It's you vs. the track. The other racers are just obstacles in your way. You are not racing them, you are racing yourself." I was a mid pack racer, but that mentality, of focusing on personal growth was huge.

You define success for yourself. And by your measure, others may be more successful on your own measure, but they are not you.

I'll also add the trite: "hard work will be talent if talent doesn't work hard." My brother was a natural racer, but he hated to practice and got beat by riders who were better conditioned all the time.

He never had to beat them, he just had to beat himself.

Re: Takeaways from coaching CEOs, founders and VCs

#60

Post by tomhoward »

ericmcer wrote: post #58
tomhoward wrote: post #26

> “We’re all just big, complicated bags of emotion walking around.” This has been the most important discovery from my startup journey, and the topic on which I now place the greatest focus. I was in the YC batch of winter 2009 – the one that included Airbnb. It was a small batch, so we all got to know each other pretty well. There was something that really made the Airbnb founders stand out from the rest in that bat…

It is difficult deciding if this is inspiring or discouraging. The way you describe the Airbnb founders it feels like they had some intrinsic ability or talent. I think I have always viewed failure as not working hard enough, or smart enough, almost getting there but just not quite getting it right. Reminders that you may be failing because you might just not have ‘it’, and that no amount of work will get you there a…

I’m confident there’s a way it can become encouraging.

Learning the skills (programming, design) to build an early stage web/mobile product is not hard; many many people already have done or could do that.

Equally, plenty of people can easily identify political or social problems that just need a confident and capable leader to drive reform.

The temperament/emotional side seems more innate and immutable, but only because broadly accessible ways of transforming one’s temperament are not widely known or deeply researched.

This is one of the main reasons I’ve gone so deep on the topic; beyond just the self-motivation of improving my own life, it seems like it could be quite significant if many more people in the world were able to overcome their inner obstacles and achieve better outcomes in whatever they were seeking to do.

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