191–200 of 249 posts
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If I were to "just be myself" at work, I would be fired very quickly -- because my self is outside the narrow little band of what is "approved of" in my workplace. Every conversation of a sensitive nature is an opportunity for disaster if not treated with the utmost care not to be "found out"
Doesn't this depend on decency of the people?
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Some personal advice: stop viewing your interactions in this transactional way and just be yourself. Stop giving a shit who reveals what and the perceived balance or imbalance of the same. Be kind and be generous.
If I were to "just be myself" at work, I would be fired very quickly -- because my self is outside the narrow little band of what is "approved of" in my workplace. Every conversation of a sensitive nature is an opportunity for disaster if not treated with the utmost care not to be "found out"
Outside of work, you should be genuine. You don't have to be everyone's friend.
This is also why I don't socially interact with work mates.
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I don't know why you assume being an asshole is the trait your GP doesn't want to reveal. Any number of innocuous interests could hurt your reputation in different circles: hunting, being gay, watching anime, practicing (a different/any/no) religion. "What did you do this weekend" is a loaded question if you're a cultural outlier at your workplace. Even decent people often have personal biases that lead to awkwardnes…
Thanks for being the only person to assume that I am an outlier in some way other than by being an asshole! I don't know why everyone assumes that "different" has to be "asshole" If anything, "asshole-ish" would be a part of "self" that is allowed to be expressed at work, so long as it is in limited doses
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Not to mention the thousands of little subcultures that exist. I've seen people offended by others leaving notes that seemed polite to me - "please refill coffee pot if it's empty" as passive-aggressive, etc.
And according to a recent internet trend, apparently "OK" is passive-aggressive to. Go figure. https://www.huffpost.com/entry/okay-ok-k-workplace-language_...
OK... - "This is exasperating and I'll just accept it"
OK... - "His response was childish; moving on..."
OK? - "What you've just said appears to have no bearing on the question I asked nor the conversation at hand. Please explain how it's relevant or get on-topic."
OK? - "Did you understand? Please provide a response indicating whether you need additional information."
OK! - "I acknowledge your request and am capable and willing to fulfill it. I'm on it. I'll get it done. You can count on me."
In person, you can provide vocal inflection and facial expression to communicate which of these you intend. Over text, you're at the mercy of how the reader is feeling in the moment. Personally, I'll spend time either putting more punctuation around the "OK" to help clarify. Or I'll just go with the sentences that attempt to preclude ambiguity. Apparently (anecdotally), most people don't bother.
OK?
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Some personal advice: stop viewing your interactions in this transactional way and just be yourself. Stop giving a shit who reveals what and the perceived balance or imbalance of the same. Be kind and be generous.
This advice is, in my experience, a low quality action item. I saw incredible progress in my life when I modeled the interactions. You can model interactions as information exchange, etc. and you can also model out the increased value of maintaining repeated interactions. It’s just another way of learning a skill: good human interactions. Be yourself / don’t model / etc. works for those who are able to take this anal…
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wolves are actively hunted by far more dangerous predators though, especially if they are killing sheep.
not in corporate america. i think you missed the metaphor. you arent alone.
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Some personal advice: stop viewing your interactions in this transactional way and just be yourself. Stop giving a shit who reveals what and the perceived balance or imbalance of the same. Be kind and be generous.
The value of "just being ourself" depends greatly on who you are...
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Some personal advice: stop viewing your interactions in this transactional way and just be yourself. Stop giving a shit who reveals what and the perceived balance or imbalance of the same. Be kind and be generous.
I know I don't sound like it, but I completely get where you're coming from. It's weird and rather sketchy to find out that someone you're talking to is just following rules in their head. It's just that for people like me, conversations are not primitive actions. We need an explicit mental model to anchor ourselves, and while that doesn't excuse predatory behaviour, models are still just tools at the end of the day…
I'm a regular reader of Ask a Manager ( https://www.askamanager.org/ ), and one thing that comes up over and over is how both managers and employees will avoid awkward topics ranging from trivial ("your breath smells") to consequential ("you need to step up or you'll be fired!"), to the point of going to extremes like quitting the job, just to avoid having a genuine conversation with somebody. And I'm guilty of this…
The worst one for me was the guy who didn’t wash his hands after using the restroom. One day, one of my team members told me about this, and I didn’t believe him, ha ha, so a few days later I’m in the restroom and this guy comes out of a stall and just walks out the door. So about a week later my guy who’d complained about it had some problem with one of our other systems, and who do they send over to help him out? Y…
(My wife reports that it's not that much better on her side...)
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I honestly don't know what a "deep" question sounds like. Is there a list of topics that fall into that category somewhere?
There may be a generic list somewhere but I find them to come naturally from curiosity. Things like: - Do you like what you do? - Do you regret this or that? - Did you study what you always wanted? - How believing in X helped you? - What’s the worst memory/event you went through? - Do you love your parents? - What’s the best/worst your kids gave to you (emotionally speaking)? - Do you think you need this or is it a d…
- Are you happy?