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The Cost of Avoiding Sensitive Questions

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Re: The Cost of Avoiding Sensitive Questions

#131

Post by CalRobert »

TheSpiceIsLife wrote: post #126
CalRobert wrote: post #116

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Not to mention the thousands of little subcultures that exist. I've seen people offended by others leaving notes that seemed polite to me - "please refill coffee pot if it's empty" as passive-aggressive, etc.

Is being easily offended a subculture? Boy did I miss that memo, but it makes sense!

Well, it depends on how you define "easily". And any culture that agrees a thing is offensive will probably not feel the offense is taken too easily, because by definition it's the norm.

I mean, I was chastised for taking a picture with a Buddha even while I did my best to be polite (I knew taking photos was OK but you had to make sure you weren't standing higher than the Buddha, etc.) - to me it seems kind of arbitrary, but I don't think the people offended ("annoyed with another dumb tourist" might be more apt) were being unreasonable.

In my case it was just a move to a different country and the social norms about what was acceptable, etc. are slightly different.

I've always advocated for a "refill the coffee if you find an empty pot" rather than "refill it if you empty it" approach since the latter means you _could_ be wasting a pot of coffee if you happened to be the last to want coffee that day, but I get that people have different views.

Re: The Cost of Avoiding Sensitive Questions

#132

Post by faeyanpiraat »

OscarCunningham wrote: post #124
jacobush wrote: post #121

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Read about hares the other day on HN: they are trying to make the fast moving heavy predator loose momentum by crossing its path.

Video: https://i.imgur.com/bJipRtJ.gifv

This should be taught at driving school

Re: The Cost of Avoiding Sensitive Questions

#133

Post by icebraining »

JauntyHatAngle wrote: post #39
artsyca wrote: post #29

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I had a manager like that dude he was house poor and had only one ratty Hilfiger sweater There's no way to relate to people like that and confrontation being avoided is the only way out

Why is there no way to relate to people like that? Like, an individual you get a vibe from, I get it, but all people who are house poor should be avoided? I'm not sure I follow.

Avoid confrontation, not people. Plus, a manager at a company presumably has money to buy a couple of sweaters, even if at Goodwill or equivalent.

Re: The Cost of Avoiding Sensitive Questions

#134

Post by gampleman »

My wife was* one of those rare people who just went ahead and asked people whatever was on her mind. This had a curious effect as I often internally winced and thought "you did not just say that". Sometimes I had the impulse to apologize for her or put in a joke to soften the blow. However, curiously, generally people didn't seem to mind or sometimes registered very mild embarrassment. In very rare cases they just avoided answering the question and she wouldn't press them.

But the great thing about it was that one could have really interesting deep conversations with near strangers, because one would skip over all the smalltalk and immediately discuss something everyone cared deeply about. In comparison I would have shyly still been discussing the weather whereas she would be already talking theology.

* She does it less now. Perhaps my bad influence or having kids?

Re: The Cost of Avoiding Sensitive Questions

#135

Post by BiteCode_dev »

9nGQluzmnq3M wrote: post #23

I'm a regular reader of Ask a Manager ( https://www.askamanager.org/ ), and one thing that comes up over and over is how both managers and employees will avoid awkward topics ranging from trivial ("your breath smells") to consequential ("you need to step up or you'll be fired!"), to the point of going to extremes like quitting the job, just to avoid having a genuine conversation with somebody. And I'm guilty of this…

That's one consequence of the push for political correctness at all cost in our societies. We went too far in applying it, and yet the mindset of people haven't changed, only the surface for compliance. The result is that we have hyper hypocrisy instead of even a tiny amount of respect.

Re: The Cost of Avoiding Sensitive Questions

#136

Post by icebraining »

shaggyfrog wrote: post #22
ronilan wrote: post #8

What is a sensitive question? Not the examples provided. Here’s an alternative. Former Secretary of Defense for two presidents Donald Rumsfeld once framed (brilliantly actually) the possible things we know. ... there are known knowns; there are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns - the ones we d…

> A while after someone (which I can’t trace back) made an interesting (and equally brilliant) observation - there is a fourth option - unknown knowns - that is, things we don’t know we know. In most cases, that person pointed out, the category contains, things we actually know, but prefer to pretend that we don’t. That's an interesting interpretation, though with a rather negative connotation. I've also seen it desc…

It's not an interpretation, it's a subset. Unconscious competence would be another subset.

Re: The Cost of Avoiding Sensitive Questions

#137

Post by ramblerman »

tony wrote: post #13

I wonder what would be a more personal (and interesting) question than: - Describe your relationship with your mother - Describe your relationship with your father Completely open-ended, yet, is universal to everyone. Being candid in that area can provide a lot of foundational underpinning to understand someone. But - would people find it awkward? Would they take offense? Feel pain thinking about the answer? As for s…

> Being candid in that area can provide a lot of foundational underpinning to understand someone.

I disagree. In a normal process of forming a relationship over a span of time yes, it will give you better insights into your friend.

But as an interview question for you to put your psychology 101 to use I think it's pretty invasive and disturbing

Re: The Cost of Avoiding Sensitive Questions

#138

Post by artsyca »

icebraining wrote: post #133
JauntyHatAngle wrote: post #39

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Why is there no way to relate to people like that? Like, an individual you get a vibe from, I get it, but all people who are house poor should be avoided? I'm not sure I follow.

Avoid confrontation, not people. Plus, a manager at a company presumably has money to buy a couple of sweaters, even if at Goodwill or equivalent.

I'd have to agree that it's necessary to view the professional sphere in terms of investment and investment is not only financial it's also effort and agency

If you're a professional you ought to have some sort of professional persona that's not so directly tied to your 35 year mortgage

If all your money is tied up in interest payments to where you can't hardly afford a stitch of clothing what fault of it is mine who manages my money differently do I seriously have to see you wearing the same tired old outfit every day for a week and you're in a position to affect my career to boot?

Re: The Cost of Avoiding Sensitive Questions

#139

Post by k_vi »

9nGQluzmnq3M wrote: post #23

I'm a regular reader of Ask a Manager ( https://www.askamanager.org/ ), and one thing that comes up over and over is how both managers and employees will avoid awkward topics ranging from trivial ("your breath smells") to consequential ("you need to step up or you'll be fired!"), to the point of going to extremes like quitting the job, just to avoid having a genuine conversation with somebody. And I'm guilty of this…

Something I realized taking a remote job for the first time, having genuine conversations was the default - my capacity for giving and taking hard criticisms is so much better. Some of it has also spilled into my personal life :)

Re: The Cost of Avoiding Sensitive Questions

#140

Post by artsyca »

mkagenius wrote: post #66
artsyca wrote: post #29

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I had a manager like that dude he was house poor and had only one ratty Hilfiger sweater There's no way to relate to people like that and confrontation being avoided is the only way out

Ed Sheeran mostly wears same red shirt

People always come up with examples of eccentrics who dress like eccentrics

I'm not interested in working with Steve Jobs or Mark Zuckerberg or Jack Dorsey or Elon Musk or Einstein himself I'm interested in working with regular people who know how to shop for value and don't have to piss holding a cell phone or chew loudly with their mouths open

The reason for this is I'm trying to achieve the enlightened state of higher consciousness that comes with practicing my art to its highest form of mastery and with it comes a certain social awareness that requires like-mannered colleagues to realize

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