741–750 of 902 posts
Imagine you have a Martin Shkreli-like figure for a child. Don't let the fear of that be your only guide deciding to have kids or not, but know the risk is real.
Seeing close friends bitten by this has definitely made me more risk averse...
So my experience was the opposite. I came in expecting this great "chemical change" where suddenly the world revolved around my kids and their future. Well the latter part is true: my world now revolves around them and their futures. But chemical change? No. It's just the responsibility I have now. There's never a break. It's all-encompassing. I mean, it's survivable, I can deal with it, and I do the best I can, but,…
Indeed. Also, it's important to remember that a lot of these rainbows and unicorns don't apply to people unwillingly forced into single parenthood (my situation). That's a very rare situation for males, so it kind of gets the short shrift on this forum, but, we're out there...
I didn't regret my son back then, but it felt like the ultimate sin to ever express my stress or pains because they clearly were due in part to his existence. It's wildly unhealthy not to be able to do so. Shit, it's wildly unhealthy to be isolated like that and absurd not to be able to be openly upset about it.
I'm grateful for my son. I have Paul's experience with all of my kids in terms of the good feelings and the desire to have them in my life. But I'd be lying in a bad way if I ever said they weren't a large part of my suffering at different stages of our lives. It's part of it.
Being a male in that situation is also awful because people kind of shrug it off like... Well, you're not a single mom. Whatever. You're a programmer, you make tons of money. You're lucky!
Ugh. Hard times.
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Indeed. Also, it's important to remember that a lot of these rainbows and unicorns don't apply to people unwillingly forced into single parenthood (my situation). That's a very rare situation for males, so it kind of gets the short shrift on this forum, but, we're out there...
I had this experience too. Being isolated with that amount of responsibility is a huge burden. Not many people actually get it... It's easy to find superficial sympathies, maybe equally easy to find people who discount your struggle, and rare to find those who really get it. Then to find help; nearly impossible. I didn't regret my son back then, but it felt like the ultimate sin to ever express my stress or pains bec…
The economic challenges of self-employment combined with the cognitive / mental demands of programming conspire to make “programmer” a uniquely difficult thing to carry on as a single parent, despite the income benefits. There are many days I wish I had a more dull job consisting of some sort of mind-numbing piecework, or a low-level management position consisting mostly of meetings and parrying email, the kind of stuff you really can noodle around in 15 minute blocks instead of requiring huge chunks of many unbounded hours to even get into the right headspace for.
As it stands, child-related impositions and constraints feel like an onerous theft of time and focus because programming is so time-intensive and so dependent on precious, scarce focus. That’s really what having that type of responsibility robs me of the most. It’s hard not to get inadvertently resentful and irritable about that.
The causes greatly contribute to the resentment. My child’s mother is a meth addict, and basically abandoned all three of her children to live on the streets and do meth. The other two ended up with her mother. And all of that after being fleeced by the family law industrial complex for $80k in custody litigation (absurd that it took such a sum to make the humanitarian point). I think it would be a lot easier to come to terms with if the cause weren’t so flagrantly, insultingly ignoble.
Hey guys. Anyone else have the experience of having kids, getting a burst of energy, but of course all that energy goes directly back into the kids and house, and you have absolutely no life for 3-5 years or more? Because my kids are 2 and 4 and so far it's been 4 years of no life, no freelance clients, almost no learning/hobbies, just 35-40 hours a week of working as much as I can at the office and then everything i…
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Remote work is a double-edged sword I know that place you are at Remote work "illness" #1 - failing to separate work and life(free time) Not a problem when you are single and "on your own" Heart-attack territory once you have children Don't think playing a game on a Friday night will recharge your batteries, not that simple, not even if you'd spend the whole weekend doing it You can't escape a burned-out mindset with…
Not a fan of using periods at the end of sentences?
But the author didn't double-space the lines so they got run together
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Having young kids is like working 80 hour weeks. In fact it basically is that, just at two jobs rather than one. Plus you spend a lot more time keeping house, on top of it. Most people don't have much left to give working those kinds of hours. Personally, I've had to dramatically cut back on hobbies and keeping up with various media, even, and all but drop some categories (I bet I spend 5% as much time gaming as I us…
My wife and I are having a discussion about this very point that has lasted since our first child 14 years ago. She argue that I may have two jobs where one lasts 8 hours and the other lasts 16 hours whereas she as the one job that lasts 24 hours. The only difference is that I get to change my scenery and work environment, allow a refresh if you will, and allow a stresses to take a break. For her, she stays in the sa…
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Do you know of any places in the US that buck this trend?
In degrees. In my opinion, NYC, Chicago and SF are about the only cities recognisable to a European, and even then, a great many of their denizens reside in suburban settings hardly differing from 99% of Middle America (apart from costing 4x more). Having grown up in the Midwest/Rust Belt and then moved to the southeast, I can safely say that older cities up north are more dense and have some aspects of traditional c…
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> my kids started school at 4. I've put them in full time after school care as well, ending at 6pm > you get them asleep before 8pm > you can give them a book and that will keep them quiet And then people wonder why kids don't listen to and respect their parents when they grow up. You're basically just giving school teachers full control to raise your kids at age of 4, and they only interact with you for 1-2 hours du…
No clue why you're being downvoted. I too wonder why anyone would want children if they don't actively want to spend time and raise them.