711–720 of 902 posts
It’s very simple:
1. If you want to have kids, then you SHOULD have kids.
2. If you don’t want to have kids, then you SHOULD NOT have kids.
3. If you are unsure whether you want to have kids, then you SHOULD NOT have kids.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
> for tens of thousands of years mankind spent 80%+ of the day with their offsprings/families/villages For tens of thousands of years kids played with other kids or hanged in the village watched by the older people in the community, while fathers did some guild style job or worked at the fields, and moms cooked and tended the house. They got together to eat and sleep at various points. For less fortunate families, ki…
> For tens of thousands of years kids played with other kids or hanged in the village ... Weren't humans nomadic for the vast majority of our history, with agriculture (aka villages) coming about only a few thousand years ago?
There were still human groups such as the BaMbuti living nomadically into the 20th century.
While it is difficult to know how someone will bear up under the stress of raising young children, nevertheless, your partner's ability to shoulder the load with you in those first years will be crucial to your sanity and happiness.
So in a sense, for someone who thinks they want to have kids, the first question to answer is: what are the characteristics of the kind of partner who will work well with you to raise a child? How do you identify them and convince them to embark on that endeavor with you?
Hey guys. Anyone else have the experience of having kids, getting a burst of energy, but of course all that energy goes directly back into the kids and house, and you have absolutely no life for 3-5 years or more? Because my kids are 2 and 4 and so far it's been 4 years of no life, no freelance clients, almost no learning/hobbies, just 35-40 hours a week of working as much as I can at the office and then everything i…
It gets better. Way better. Last night I explained quicksort to one kid. Now we are designing cards to laser cut. The kids get interesting and independent quicker than you might imagine. The days are long, but the years are fast.
So my experience was the opposite. I came in expecting this great "chemical change" where suddenly the world revolved around my kids and their future. Well the latter part is true: my world now revolves around them and their futures. But chemical change? No. It's just the responsibility I have now. There's never a break. It's all-encompassing. I mean, it's survivable, I can deal with it, and I do the best I can, but,…
Thank you for sharing. I think it is rare that people share this perspective. It sucks that we can't know if your experience is 1 in 100 or 1,000,000.
As a new parent of an 8 month old, I can certainly understand this, even though so far I personally feel much happier than I did before. I think a lot depends on your life situation. With reasonable financial stability, a flexible schedule, and a spouse who (happily) devotes most of her time to the baby, it’s overall a beautiful experience that has given my life a whole new sense of meaning, a depth of love I never knew I could feel, and lots of those peaceful moments pg talks about.
But take away one of those supporting pillars, and I could easily see the stress and responsibilities overwhelming all the positive aspects to the point where it might not be enjoyable anymore.
Hey guys. Anyone else have the experience of having kids, getting a burst of energy, but of course all that energy goes directly back into the kids and house, and you have absolutely no life for 3-5 years or more? Because my kids are 2 and 4 and so far it's been 4 years of no life, no freelance clients, almost no learning/hobbies, just 35-40 hours a week of working as much as I can at the office and then everything i…
This works for me because work is already plenty interesting. Things can always be more interesting, but I have chosen to optimize for my health instead. I also see kids as an investment: raising them takes a lot of energy and pain, but long term return is increased happiness, reduced loneliness. Think about how life would look like when you are 70 and have no kids.
Hey guys. Anyone else have the experience of having kids, getting a burst of energy, but of course all that energy goes directly back into the kids and house, and you have absolutely no life for 3-5 years or more? Because my kids are 2 and 4 and so far it's been 4 years of no life, no freelance clients, almost no learning/hobbies, just 35-40 hours a week of working as much as I can at the office and then everything i…
Earlier quoted context omitted.
I think it’s the other way around: somehow we tried to build ourselves a civilization without children at all. I think in most human cultures, children are considered an important if not primary concern. Not having children well into adulthood is a modern privilege—one could even characterize modern childless adulthood as merely an extension of our own childhoods. But by starting to normalize childless adulthood, we’…
There's a difference between using kid-talk as a way to find common ground and bond with other people, and being literally unable to talk about anything but your kids. That latter bit actually does happen with a disturbingly-significant number of my friends who are parents. The main commonality among parents I know who are afflicted with this problem is that they have no or few relatives living nearby. Those who have…
There are also a lot of people out there who only talk about work, or tech, or sports, or who hooked up with who, and anyone else who doesn’t share that interest will be bored to tears hearing them go on and on and about it.
One quick comment on PG's statement here: "Partly, and I won't deny it, this is because of serious chemical changes that happened almost instantly when our first child was born. It was like someone flipped a switch. I suddenly felt protective not just toward our child, but toward all children."
When I had my son I didn't feel anything different for the first few months. I felt bad as everyone said "something instantly changes" but I didn't feel anything. But a few months in, when he started to react to my efforts, and we did stuff together, I fell in love. Now I adore my children more than I knew possible.
So, if you're a parent who didn't feel an instant chemical reaction when your child arrived perhaps not a cause for alarm.