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Having Kids

paulgraham.com

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Re: Having Kids

#471

Post by buboard »

jumelles wrote: post #454
ARandomerDude wrote: post #379

Paradoxically, I think the hard part about having kid is having too few of them. My wife and I have 7 kids. People stare at us like we're crazy all the time. But it's way easier to have 7 kids than 2. Older kids help with the younger kids. When the 2 or 3 playing together get bored, they mix it up. They have daily big games that would ordinarily take a lot of effort arranging playdates. Many hands make light work, so…

Well that's the total opposite of what the planet needs.

The planet needs less cars, not less people. It's entirely fatalistic to assume that future humans will have the same unhealthy habits as we do

Re: Having Kids

#472

Post by [deleted] »

pkorzeniewski wrote: post #237

One thing that started to bother me recently is the meaningless of life in general. Think about humans from a wide perspective - it all boils down to survival of the species and what difference does it make if we reproduce in a cave or a modern house? Sure there are more of us now, but does it really matter? We are driven by a simple algorithm - find a partner, reproduce, keep the babies alive and die. Repeat. No rea…

[deleted]

Re: Having Kids

#473

Post by sershe »

fncypants wrote: post #404
sershe wrote: post #310

Earlier quoted context omitted.

One of the reasons I'm never having kids is seeing just this pattern. For everyone I can recall right now, it lasts forever. They have more time later but the drive is gone. I've actually seen a few of people with a shared hobby and a toddler be like "kids won't stop me from doing X, in fact it's going to be better with kids to teach/inspire/...!", and then they disappear forever (up to 5 years so far). Or (skiing ex…

Consider that perhaps what they found is actually greater happiness. Not saying it’s true or that everyone should follow the kid path, but I’m experiencing what you describe and can confirm that the hobbies/interests were and still are fun but are turning out to be not the best part of life.

That's what I meant, to each his own. Also, as far as finding better happiness goes, PG is careful to qualify his view by referencing the chemical changes... That makes it more complicated; some people mention it as a positive (i.e. even if it turns out to be as bad as I thought I won't feel nearly as bad); as for me, it makes me even more wary, the thinking being similar to the cult analogy in the article... I don't view such things as positives.

Re: Having Kids

#474

Post by unsatchmo »

When I was an intern at Apple in 2002, Steve Jobs gave a talk to our cohort. Someone asked if he had any advice and he replied “The things that are important to you now, will not be the things that are important to you later. Sorry, I know that vague but I don’t know how else to say it.” Now that I’m a father (and an actual adult), I think I understand what he means. Don’t feel ashamed because your priorities shift and you lose “ambition”. It could come back or it could be gone forever, whatever the case just try to enjoy what you have at that point.

Re: Having Kids

#475

Post by jdshaffer »

triangleman wrote: post #131

Hey guys. Anyone else have the experience of having kids, getting a burst of energy, but of course all that energy goes directly back into the kids and house, and you have absolutely no life for 3-5 years or more? Because my kids are 2 and 4 and so far it's been 4 years of no life, no freelance clients, almost no learning/hobbies, just 35-40 hours a week of working as much as I can at the office and then everything i…

My three kids are now 17, 15, and 12. And yes, of course it gets easier as they get older. They learn to do more and more by themselves, want to enjoy their friends, and grow more independent. By the time they get there, you'll start to miss when they were younger and needed you more! smile

So, just enjoy it while you can. It's one of the BEST parts and you'll be happy you did.

Re: Having Kids

#477

Post by glangdale »

buboard wrote: post #199

Worth noting that this is a western city- centric view of children. It's much different for people living in small communities or near parents and other family. Children spend way less time near parents when the neighborhood is familiar and safe enough, and instead spend most of their time playing with other kids. Parents today spend twice as much time with their kids than 2 generations ago, and it's probably not bec…

Of course, in the good/bad old days, sometimes kids just died. My wife talks fondly of free-roaming LA in the 70s, and parenthetically mentions the kid that got molested and the other one that got run over by a car.

In general, in the West at least, folks had bigger families and started earlier (just make a new one!).

A friend of ours from rural China (Dalian province, I think) talked about how all the kids would go out by themselves and teach each other how to swim in the river. We expressed some admiration for that, and she said, "oh, I don't know - a few kids drowned every year". Every year!

In my experience, people who go on about 'helicopter parents' are awfully brave with the welfare of other people's kids.

We're pretty free-roam, but I spent a lot of time worrying about traffic when my youngest was the height that he could be invisible before stepping out from behind a car.

Maybe I'd be more relaxed about this if, for instance, someone blasting through inner-city streets in a SUV while texting, was legally treated as a potential murderer (or an actual one if things go badly).

Re: Having Kids

#478

Post by coleifer »

> changes that happened almost instantly when our first child was born. It was like someone flipped a switch. I suddenly felt protective not just toward our child, but toward all children.

This was my experience, too, and I was utterly unprepared for it despite having been told to expect it -- and even welcoming such a change in myself. So Paul is right, there seems to be no substitute for first-hand experience in this case.

Re: Having Kids

#479

Post by james-skemp »

lonelappde wrote: post #396
sershe wrote: post #310

Earlier quoted context omitted.

One of the reasons I'm never having kids is seeing just this pattern. For everyone I can recall right now, it lasts forever. They have more time later but the drive is gone. I've actually seen a few of people with a shared hobby and a toddler be like "kids won't stop me from doing X, in fact it's going to be better with kids to teach/inspire/...!", and then they disappear forever (up to 5 years so far). Or (skiing ex…

Be careful, one day you might realize you missed something important. After I'm dead, my kids can continue my work better than I could do it myself.

> After I'm dead, my kids can continue my work better than I could do it myself.

Assuming they find your work interesting.

I'm really hoping my son enjoys playing games (board and video) and programming, but he could totally turn into a jock. (Although genetics says he'll never be good at basketball.)

Re: Having Kids

#480

Post by jonplackett »

I’m a dad of a 2 year old and identify exactly with everything in this. I’m so happy to see a post like this at the top of hacker news. Dads don’t talk from the heart like this enough.
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