Having Kids
paulgraham.com
Having Kids
1–10 of 902 posts
Re: Having Kids
#2Reminds me that I need to schedule my vasectomy.
Re: Having Kids
#3> I suddenly felt protective not just toward our child, but toward all children.
Just don't act on such feelings, or you might get banned from HN for "doing ideological battle" :P
Re: Having Kids
#4> Some of my worries about having kids were right, though. They definitely make you less productive. I know having kids makes some people get their act together, but if your act was already together, you're going to have less time to do it in. In particular, you're going to have to work to a schedule. Kids have schedules. I'm not sure if it's because that's how kids are, or because it's the only way to integrate their lives with adults', but once you have kids, you tend to have to work on their schedule.
> You will have chunks of time to work. But you can't let work spill promiscuously through your whole life, like I used to before I had kids. You're going to have to work at the same time every day, whether inspiration is flowing or not, and there are going to be times when you have to stop, even if it is.
> I hate to say this, because being ambitious has always been a part of my identity, but having kids may make one less ambitious. It hurts to see that sentence written down. I squirm to avoid it. But if there weren't something real there, why would I squirm? The fact is, once you have kids, you're probably going to care more about them than you do about yourself. And attention is a zero-sum game. Only one idea at a time can be the top idea in your mind. Once you have kids, it will often be your kids, and that means it will less often be some project you're working on.
Re: Having Kids
#5Welcome to the world of being a parent. It can be frustrating, perplexing and mind-bending. Few things compare to those little arms snug around your neck, the head leaning on your shoulder, all in complete trust that you love them and wish them the best.
Re: Having Kids
#6It's good that he thinks about "getting enough done" now. That should be everyone's focus in the first place -- if you're focusing on only doing what's necessary, the quality of your choices is bound to improve (Warren Buffet's punch card analogy comes to mind). It's depressing to me that with productivity culture we've left this so far behind.
Re: Having Kids
#7The experience of having kids involves a relationship that spans something more than 25 years.
I remember seeing research done on people that have had the full experience and the overall ratings of happiness were lower.
Re: Having Kids
#8Almost everything he says rings true with me after we got a dog. Especially the moments where I feel present and the joy from doing mundane tasks. Get a dog if you are childless!
Re: Having Kids
#9Probably one of the more honest and rational takes on this subject that I've seen.
Asking people why they want/wanted kids usually (but not always) results in a loop of they have kids because they wanted kids. Or they want kids because they want kids.
Not that's it not a sufficient answer, just that it's different from some "artificial" wants which can be justified more easily.
My favorite other simple answers were just "I grew up with four siblings and three dogs and I like there to be lots of movement at home" and "I'm not plotting for world domination only to let it go to waste after I die"
Re: Having Kids
#10Despite not being a parent I am closely observing many of my friends tread this path. To all I can only say:
You are more important than your children - for their sakes!