My go to for this is "My first thought would be to use sshd here. I assume you've tried that?"
this exactly.
Help me ask why you didn't just
21–30 of 363 posts
Re: Help me ask why you didn't just
#22Avoid the whole question of why they didn't do something; that's where the criticism is coming in, and nobody actually gives the slightest shit about that answer. Just say "Did you try...?"
Re: Help me ask why you didn't just
#23I sometimes start it with "I'm curious; why didn't you use sshd?" I think that does a decent job of clearing up your intentions.
I also believe, as a general rule; don't use the word You. Compare "Why didn't you use sshd" and "Why was sshd selected for this".
Re: Help me ask why you didn't just
#24"Why wouldn't sshd do the job here?" Take "you" out of it. The question is about the problem and the solution, not the person.
Right - almost all of the examples from the website use “you.”
Re: Help me ask why you didn't just
#25"Sshd didn't work?"
Re: Help me ask why you didn't just
#26Rephrasing slightly can get across almost the same suggestion with much less chance for condescension: "sshd has some features that may be useful with what you're wanting to accomplish."
To me that actually sounds more condescending. The statement form suggests not only that I thought of the right way to solve your long-term problem in 5 minutes, but also that I'm confident you didn't know about it. The question form depends a lot on tone, but at least it admits that you might have considered the idea.
Re: Help me ask why you didn't just
#27Or just don’t get offended so quickly, this is just how people tend to speak sometimes. Don’t implicitly add bad intent or insults when none were explicitly made.
Re: Help me ask why you didn't just
#28"Why wouldn't sshd do the job here?" Take "you" out of it. The question is about the problem and the solution, not the person.
"How about sshd?"
Re: Help me ask why you didn't just
#29"have you tried xyz?"
The problem with the other approaches is that they imply that you are judging the person. This one only implies something that they may have missed.
Re: Help me ask why you didn't just
#30Avoid the whole question of why they didn't do something; that's where the criticism is coming in, and nobody actually gives the slightest shit about that answer. Just say "Did you try...?"
Nobody cares if they tried it either. Just say, "what about sshd?" or something like that.