I read a lot of self damage in your message. I have similar issues. I don’t have advice, but try to not say such damaging things about yourself. Also maybe smoke some weed.
Ask HN: Anyone else in constant anxiety and how do you cope?
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Re: Ask HN: Anyone else in constant anxiety and how do you cope?
#12First off, its probably a toxic work environment, and second, you're at a stage where the walls are closing in so it feels worse than it is. Programming is inherently a creative art with a core of logic and reason. For example, you can solve your business case by writing shell scripts instead of Java. By toxic environment, I mean that there are things at work that contribute, such as the way your coworkers talk to you. One such example is that there is one guy who is the go-to guy for all problems relating to X, and he solves this while telling everyone all about it, all the time. This makes it seem like he is the only one who can do it properly, which is of course never true.
Your financial security is just a product of the times. It used to be you could have a house, a lawn, a car and leftover savings just from working in a factory. Now, you are saddled with an unpayable house-loan even with higher education unless you somehow manage to find a remote job, or you win the startup lottery.
Last, anxiety can form bad feedback loops, where the lack of sleep means you are simply not able to do anything during the day. It can also cause other surprising problems, even wrist pains and RSI, simply because the anxiety causes your body to tense up.
I think you, first of all, need to find a way to let go of the feeling that your job performance has any bearing on your worth as a human being. It really doesn't.
Re: Ask HN: Anyone else in constant anxiety and how do you cope?
#13Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (or other treatment modalities) and, maybe, medication! This sounds like the desperation of anxiety and depression. But there is hope! Untreated, it can be a killer, so remember 1-800-273-TALK for moments of crisis.
Thank you for your concern. I am seeing a therapist. I don’t think I’m in any kind of crisis though.
Re: Ask HN: Anyone else in constant anxiety and how do you cope?
#14You're not alone
Re: Ask HN: Anyone else in constant anxiety and how do you cope?
#15For me, daily meditation has helped reduce my anxiety and has made me generally a more happier person. A book i recommend is The Mind Illuminated. It’s a step by step guide into meditation.
Re: Ask HN: Anyone else in constant anxiety and how do you cope?
#16First off, its probably a toxic work environment, and second, you're at a stage where the walls are closing in so it feels worse than it is. Programming is inherently a creative art with a core of logic and reason. For example, you can solve your business case by writing shell scripts instead of Java. By toxic environment, I mean that there are things at work that contribute, such as the way your coworkers talk to yo…
> I think you, first of all, need to find a way to let go of the feeling that your job performance has any bearing on your worth as a human being. It really doesn't.
Yeah my therapist is trying to convince me of this too. I find it hard to make myself internalize it.
Re: Ask HN: Anyone else in constant anxiety and how do you cope?
#17I've struggled with a similar situation - anxiety stemming from childhood trauma - for a long time. The things that help me the most are:
1. Basic self care: get enough sleep (~8 hours a night), eat plenty of healthy food and cut out as much junk food as possible, and make time for doing something you enjoy each day, even if it's only for 20-30 minutes.
2. Therapy: Either straightforward counseling or something more involved like EMDR or neurofeedback brain training. I can recommend the latter. It has truly changed my life.
3. Spend time with people you love and who love you. Self care and healing would have never been remotely possible or effective for me if I didn't have solid friendships with a few people who truly cared for my best interest and a good relationship with my kids and spouse.
*EDIT: I forgot to add, look into taking medication. I take a small dose of Lexapro daily and it has made a huge difference.
In order to heal and improve your situation, you MUST make time for these things. Don't try to add them on to whatever your day to day already looks like. Cut out other stuff as much as possible and increase the amount of time you spend on 1-3. Be forgiving and kind to yourself with this part, but do be as ruthless as possible with making time for 1-3.
In my experience, taking care of self and being involved in healthy friendships and family relationships creates a situation where the confidence and will to make changes to things like your job becomes possible.
Re: Ask HN: Anyone else in constant anxiety and how do you cope?
#18I swim in cold water, every day if possible and ideally before work in the morning. This has been a game changer in terms of reducing anxiety, being much better able to cope with difficulties and frankly, making me into a much happier and healthier version of myself. So much so that if I don't get in the cold water for a day or two then I just feel like .. bleurgh. If you've read "Flowers for Algernon" and recall tow…
There's nowhere I could easily swim, would showering in cold water help?
Yes absolutely - cold showering is great in the same ways. There are plenty people out there who do this every day also. Personally I prefer a cold bath to a cold shower as I like the instant hit of more full immersion, but there's not always time for a bath!
Re: Ask HN: Anyone else in constant anxiety and how do you cope?
#19First off, its probably a toxic work environment, and second, you're at a stage where the walls are closing in so it feels worse than it is. Programming is inherently a creative art with a core of logic and reason. For example, you can solve your business case by writing shell scripts instead of Java. By toxic environment, I mean that there are things at work that contribute, such as the way your coworkers talk to yo…
Second the point on financial security. I'm successful, I have a good job at a good company, earning a good wage. I'm in charge of lots of systems and people. But I'm not financially secure, because land prices have detached from wages. You can't work your way out of this hole. That is not your fault.
Why are there so many jobs in industries we hate (gambling, finance, advertising). Because the west is a financialized mess.
We are all trapped. Vote for substantive change.
Re: Ask HN: Anyone else in constant anxiety and how do you cope?
#20You're not alone
Thank you