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Basic Social Skills Guide (2012)

improveyoursocialskills.com

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Re: Basic Social Skills Guide (2012)

#31

Post by etagobla »

Carpetsmoker wrote: post #11
etagobla wrote: post #2

I feel like this is anti-progress. My industry's success depends on me sitting in my room coding and not having a gf.

Some of the worst and most ineffective coworkers I've ever worked with were intelligent, knowledgable, skilled, and severally lacking in the social skills department. In some cases I've seen the more abrasive and toxic variants of these people completely crush morale for the rest of the team or company, and destroy any success. They were a net loss to the company. Yeah, social skills matter. A lot. It's not about hav…

I agree, but there's a certain line that a good software engineer should not cross and that's where their improved social skills make local gf attainment feasible, because then they'll start devoting their time to other things.

In my case I can already see my increased HN karma pulling me away from our tablegen spec. With a gf I'd be useless.

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide (2012)

#32

Post by taylorlapeyre »

etagobla wrote: post #31
Carpetsmoker wrote: post #11

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Some of the worst and most ineffective coworkers I've ever worked with were intelligent, knowledgable, skilled, and severally lacking in the social skills department. In some cases I've seen the more abrasive and toxic variants of these people completely crush morale for the rest of the team or company, and destroy any success. They were a net loss to the company. Yeah, social skills matter. A lot. It's not about hav…

I agree, but there's a certain line that a good software engineer should not cross and that's where their improved social skills make local gf attainment feasible, because then they'll start devoting their time to other things. In my case I can already see my increased HN karma pulling me away from our tablegen spec. With a gf I'd be useless.

Are you implying that being able to have an intimate relationship with another human being disqualifies someone from being a "good software engineer"?

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide (2012)

#33

Post by 77pt77 »

rmbryan wrote: post #19
christiansakai wrote: post #15

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I have a wife, I code, exercise, play weekend music gig, do aquascaping, and read various theological books and random books in random topics. . . . . . . Too bad I suck at all those above, and still suck in my social skills.

aquascaping sounds interesting. is there an online community you recommend?

What is aquascaping?

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide (2012)

#34

Post by ck425 »

username90 wrote: post #7
beat wrote: post #4

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Social skills are a huge part of my own IT work. If you can use social skills effectively, you get to decide (to some degree) what you work on. If you don't, then someone else decides what you work on. As long as you're okay with that trade, there's nothing wrong with it.

No social skills needed, you just need to be honest. So say that you'll leave because the current work is boring/stressful and the will let you choose the project you want if you are any good. Also usually they want to put their best developers on the most interesting problems so they'd ask you to do it anyway.

There's a skill to being honest in a productive way. Being honest in a way that communicates your thoughts and gets people engaged rather than defensive is really difficult but really valuable. But if you don't yet have that skill being completely honest will hinder you.

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide (2012)

#35

Post by etagobla »

taylorlapeyre wrote: post #32
etagobla wrote: post #31

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I agree, but there's a certain line that a good software engineer should not cross and that's where their improved social skills make local gf attainment feasible, because then they'll start devoting their time to other things. In my case I can already see my increased HN karma pulling me away from our tablegen spec. With a gf I'd be useless.

Are you implying that being able to have an intimate relationship with another human being disqualifies someone from being a "good software engineer"?

It's not an absolute one to one relationship. I'm talking about general trends.

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide (2012)

#37

Post by etagobla »

Sindrome wrote: post #9
etagobla wrote: post #2

I feel like this is anti-progress. My industry's success depends on me sitting in my room coding and not having a gf.

Stop wasting time voicing your feelings and get back to drilling LeetCode before you lose your job.

Thank you, I needed to hear this.

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide (2012)

#38

Post by epidemian »

twoquestions wrote: post #30

I fundamentally disagree with the thesis of the "Overcoming Fear and Social Anxiety" page. For example, laugh at a dongle joke in front of a journalist or some other influencer who's sneaky with a camera and a million followers, your career is over, if not your life depending on how nuts their followers are. Nearly everyone you meet is out to get you, and a social misstep is a fabulous casus belli. We're all politici…

I feel much more people are affected by not having enough quantity or quality of social interactions than people being affected by the really bad luck of career-ending dongle jokes mishaps. (I have no strong evidence of this; it's just my general feeling)

> Nearly everyone you meet is out to get you [...] > We're all politicians navigating a zero-sum social world [...]

These are very pessimistic world views. The social world is definitely not zero-sum. Kindness and empathy are contagious, and so social "value" can definitely be created :) Conversely, selfishness and bitterness can also spread, so value can also be destroyed.

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide (2012)

#39

Post by username90 »

ck425 wrote: post #34
username90 wrote: post #7

Earlier quoted context omitted.

No social skills needed, you just need to be honest. So say that you'll leave because the current work is boring/stressful and the will let you choose the project you want if you are any good. Also usually they want to put their best developers on the most interesting problems so they'd ask you to do it anyway.

There's a skill to being honest in a productive way. Being honest in a way that communicates your thoughts and gets people engaged rather than defensive is really difficult but really valuable. But if you don't yet have that skill being completely honest will hinder you.

Maybe we are just thinking of different things when we talk about social skills? I think of things like being able to participate in small talk all day or participating in social events. I am very good at reading people and understand how they think and how they would react to different things I say, so in some way I got good social skills, but I'm pretty sure most people would say that I have bad social skills since I don't like social situations and therefore don't build connections.

Re: Basic Social Skills Guide (2012)

#40

Post by putnambr »

etagobla wrote: post #2

I feel like this is anti-progress. My industry's success depends on me sitting in my room coding and not having a gf.

Your industry's success requires you to be effective. Doing work for more than eight hours a day leads to burnout, and not doing anything besides sitting in your room prevents you from being creative. The more diverse experiences, interests, and skills you have, the more creative you'll be.
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