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Ask HN: I am addicted to Porn. Help me quit

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Re: Ask HN: I am addicted to Porn. Help me quit

#31

Post by ericzawo »

hitsurume wrote: post #9

The actor Terry Crews was also addicted to porn and he did some videos about quiting that you'll find online. Gist of it is figuring out your current habits and changing them. For example, he knew that he watched on Friday nights when the kids and wife were out for some activity, so he prevented himself from being home alone during that time and worked a system to control his addiction.

Yes. Not only are the videos[1] straight talk and actionable, they're super entertaining. Terry Crews is the real deal.

1: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I4krRkO4sHc

Re: Ask HN: I am addicted to Porn. Help me quit

#32

Post by JamesBarney »

It seems like the problem you want to solve is how to increase the amount of physical and sexual intimacy with your wife.

Are you sure the problem is pornography? The vast majority of the male population consumes an enormous amount of pornography and is still intimate with their partner. I think you should be open to the idea the problem might exist elsewhere.

Is the problems a lack of mental or physical arousal?

If it's physical you could try getting prescribed viagra, if it's mental a sex therapist might help.

Also if your wife is open to it, you could watch porn together.

If you're wanting to quit porn for its own sake(usually religious) then probably other people's advice would be more beneficial.

Re: Ask HN: I am addicted to Porn. Help me quit

#33

Post by tryitnow »

hitsurume wrote: post #9

The actor Terry Crews was also addicted to porn and he did some videos about quiting that you'll find online. Gist of it is figuring out your current habits and changing them. For example, he knew that he watched on Friday nights when the kids and wife were out for some activity, so he prevented himself from being home alone during that time and worked a system to control his addiction.

Wow. I'm really impressed by this guy, he's doing a good job of modeling masculinity for the 21st century.

Re: Ask HN: I am addicted to Porn. Help me quit

#34

Post by tryitnow »

If it's possible for you, see a qualified therapist. They will help you unpack the the problem and see if from different perspectives.

I would not trust advice you find on the Internet, it could just compound the invisible biases you already have (this is a risk with therapists too, but less so since they're trained professionals).

Shop around for a therapist. If you have friends who know you well and can recommend a therapist ask them for a recommendation.

Best of luck, seeking out help is the first step.

Re: Ask HN: I am addicted to Porn. Help me quit

#35

Post by ahava_yeshua »

My heart is heavy for you. This is a difficult thing to overcome. I am sure, given your comments, that you have tried high and low and have come to the same conclusion.

I was in the same boat, being highly addicted to porn and not desiring or enjoying sex with my wife. When we did have sex, my mind was elsewhere having sex with these women in my imagination and yes it was slowly killing my wife. She struggled with feelings of being unattractive. You think you are hiding it but it is a dark life that manifests itself in other ways. My addiction lasted 16 years and grew worse with time.

I tried to quit as much as I could but would always fall. Maybe I went a few days or a week at best.

Until I discovered Jesus Christ and gave myself fully to Him. I became born again and truly relinquished control to Him.

Hear me please, there is NO other way to overcome this as it is a spiritual battle that has been well thought out and efficiently deployed in these end times for the masses.

Take heed, just being born again didn't do it. I had to fully, 100%, give up myself and He showed up big time and broke those chains. That is the ONLY way that works. Now, I have no desire to watch porn nor do I look at girls lustfully and in fact, TV shows with nudity offend my spirit (hopefully you'll come to know what this means).

I realize this won't be popular here but having tried all other ways and failing, I invite you to try Him out (if you haven't already). Know that He loves you so much and is waiting for you to invite him into your heart.

Cry out to the Lord and invite Him into your heart. Cry out to Him and acknowledge that you, on your own means, are unable to overcome this spiritual onslaught and ask Him for grace to overcome. He will show up because He promised He would and is no man that He should lie. I am praying for you.

Re: Ask HN: I am addicted to Porn. Help me quit

#36

Post by Trias11 »

For men - porn addiction (or any addiction) is a way to release stuck energy that is not being funnelled toward creative work or creative expression.

So suggestion is to think what you love doing - and start doing that.

Engage and get focus on something meaningful and exciting for you.

This active re-focusing will help you to steer toward something good and automatically away from something not good.

Re: Ask HN: I am addicted to Porn. Help me quit

#38

Post by qzx_pierri »

Trias11 wrote: post #36

For men - porn addiction (or any addiction) is a way to release stuck energy that is not being funnelled toward creative work or creative expression. So suggestion is to think what you love doing - and start doing that. Engage and get focus on something meaningful and exciting for you. This active re-focusing will help you to steer toward something good and automatically away from something not good.

>So suggestion is to think what you love doing - and start doing that.

What if OP loves watching porn?

Re: Ask HN: I am addicted to Porn. Help me quit

#39

Post by Blakestr »

qzx_pierri wrote: post #38
Trias11 wrote: post #36

For men - porn addiction (or any addiction) is a way to release stuck energy that is not being funnelled toward creative work or creative expression. So suggestion is to think what you love doing - and start doing that. Engage and get focus on something meaningful and exciting for you. This active re-focusing will help you to steer toward something good and automatically away from something not good.

>So suggestion is to think what you love doing - and start doing that. What if OP loves watching porn?

General OP probably loves the feeling he gets watching porn not the actual porn itself, otherwise he wouldn't be seeking help for it.

Things that are generally seen as wholesome we don't seek cures for and while people are diverse enough that any good thing can still become an addiction, something like Bob Ross painting is not very likely to be something a person seeks rehab for.

And you are correct that there are some people who simply love porn for the sake of porn and revel in it. Different strokes for different folks I guess.

Re: Ask HN: I am addicted to Porn. Help me quit

#40

Post by Red_Tarsius »

Different issue (https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=20172172), but my heuristics might work for you as well. I'm not a therapist, so take it with a pinch of salt.

1) Edit the host file to block nsfw websites on your computer: https://github.com/4skinSkywalker/anti-porn-hosts-file. Note that the host file blocks whole websites (e.g. reddit.com), not specific pages (reddit.com/r/news/).

2) Download a web/app blocker to lock down your browser during night time. I use https://heyfocus.com/?utm_source=focus_about, but there are several free apps to choose from.

3) Soul-search what really caused the compulsive behaviour. This lengthy process is less about finding "the ONE answer" and more about self-awareness. A good psychologist (a professional therapist who does not rely on prescriptions) can help you connect the dots. I was skeptical at first, but I've ended up enjoying the sessions.

4) Find a hobby that involves exploring open spaces: hiking, nature photography, bird watching, biking through the countryside... you need to feel that child-like freedom again. Modern life is like moving from one prison cell to the next, each one with a specific function. Your daily routine is likely defined by a string of tiny spaces: bedroom, bathroom, kitchen, sidewalk, car, office, repeat. Porn might be one way to escape from the ubiquitous wall, but I suggest you to explore other possibilities.

I wish you good luck! I hope you'll post your progress to this community in the future.

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