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The Awkward but Essential Art of Office Chitchat

nytimes.com

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Re: The Awkward but Essential Art of Office Chitchat

#11

Post by not_a_moth »

I think the essential office chitchat issue is "being yourself" vs. "seeming like a high quality professional". I've found out the hard way that relaxing and aiming for a real conversation carries a high % chance of saying something unbecoming of a team leader. Better pay attention to appearances when you're at work.

I don't understand coworkers who say silly things at the lunch table without a second thought, or those who base their social lives around co-workers... doing so seems to risk your upward mobility. It's a sad POV but from my experience anyways I think it's reality.

Re: The Awkward but Essential Art of Office Chitchat

#12

Post by n7_goat »

I used to mostly keep to myself but think I balanced being social enough to be a well adjusted office worker. This completely changed as I rose into management positions, and now I feel compelled to chit chat with everyone, which is really exhausting for me.

I think the article overstates how important chit chat is, but the overall point is probably correct: don’t be a psycho and never talk to anyone.

Re: The Awkward but Essential Art of Office Chitchat

#13

Post by ketzo »

hrktb wrote: post #5

> Jamie Terran, a licensed career coach in New York City, said that small talk between colleagues and supervisors builds rapport, which in turn builds trust. IMOA trust is built by delivering, being consistent and helping out. You can chitchat all day, it won’t help if there’s nothing behind. Some people may be terse on the interaction side but do their job, come to help when they see you need it, and generally be aw…

I get what you’re saying, and I don’t think you’re entirely wrong — you build trust by doing your job well, repeatedly. But it’s also a demonstrated fact (and almost a tautology) that people trust people that they like, and chit-chat is a great way to move from “stranger” to “friendly acquaintance.” If you eat lunch with someone once a week, they’ll think you’re better at your job. That’s not an anecdote, that’s a repeatedly confirmed facet of human social psychology.

Re: The Awkward but Essential Art of Office Chitchat

#14

Post by Jaruzel »

rumanator wrote: post #10
Jaruzel wrote: post #7

I am rubbish at small talk. For one I'm not really that interested in other people, and secondly I find it really boring. As such, all jobs I've had as a permanent employee, I've found myself completely stymied when it came to career progression, despite always having very good performance reviews. It very clear to me, that the people who float to the top of organisations, don't do it via their work performance, but…

Work performance in mid to top management positions is tied mainly to leadership and social traits. It means close to nothing if your hard skills are the best if the job requires mostly soft skills.

Yes, my point exactly. You said it better though ;)

Re: The Awkward but Essential Art of Office Chitchat

#15

Post by graphicsRat »

Sadly this is true in my current and previous jobs.

I worked and have worked with people who know very little or do very little yet but have mastered the art of hobnobbing and have fared a lot better than yours truly who'd rather put his head down and get the work done.

Re: The Awkward but Essential Art of Office Chitchat

#16

Post by cstpdk »

Jaruzel wrote: post #7

I am rubbish at small talk. For one I'm not really that interested in other people, and secondly I find it really boring. As such, all jobs I've had as a permanent employee, I've found myself completely stymied when it came to career progression, despite always having very good performance reviews. It very clear to me, that the people who float to the top of organisations, don't do it via their work performance, but…

`For one I'm not really that interested in other people, and secondly I find it really boring`

I am totally with you on both points. The important thing to realize is that it is uninteresting and boring, but that is not the point. It is a skill like many others, if you want the benefits it brings, you have to learn it through practice and however else you normally learn skills

Re: The Awkward but Essential Art of Office Chitchat

#17

Post by hrktb »

ketzo wrote: post #13
hrktb wrote: post #5

> Jamie Terran, a licensed career coach in New York City, said that small talk between colleagues and supervisors builds rapport, which in turn builds trust. IMOA trust is built by delivering, being consistent and helping out. You can chitchat all day, it won’t help if there’s nothing behind. Some people may be terse on the interaction side but do their job, come to help when they see you need it, and generally be aw…

I get what you’re saying, and I don’t think you’re entirely wrong — you build trust by doing your job well, repeatedly. But it’s also a demonstrated fact (and almost a tautology) that people trust people that they like, and chit-chat is a great way to move from “stranger” to “friendly acquaintance.” If you eat lunch with someone once a week, they’ll think you’re better at your job. That’s not an anecdote, that’s a re…

You are completely right, for all our history of working in the same buildings, in person.

This changes though when you move to different floors. At some point you might be working more with someone that is on the other side of the street that the person next to you. Will you trust them less because you don't see them everyday ? Will you be worse at your job because of the lack of chit-chatting ?

Perhaps, but it's something that you'll need to work on, otherwise your job is just doomed. So people adapt, catch up once in a while but everyday chit chat just becomes less essential.

Then you work with people on other buildings. You have a remote contractor. You have an office in another country.

20 years ago those were extreme scenarii. Now I think people are expected to be productive and efficient in these conditions.

Re: The Awkward but Essential Art of Office Chitchat

#18

Post by nvarsj »

Jaruzel wrote: post #7

I am rubbish at small talk. For one I'm not really that interested in other people, and secondly I find it really boring. As such, all jobs I've had as a permanent employee, I've found myself completely stymied when it came to career progression, despite always having very good performance reviews. It very clear to me, that the people who float to the top of organisations, don't do it via their work performance, but…

I used to think much like you do. But as I’ve moved into leadership positions I’ve changed my view entirely. That sharing a pint or two is important. To be able to coordinate a group of people to reach a goal, soft skills are absolutely vital. Humans aren’t machines - hacking humans is a different skill, and being good at it is rarer than good engineers imo. That’s why it pays well, and why you’ll never progress far beyond IC without it.

Re: The Awkward but Essential Art of Office Chitchat

#19

Post by nicoburns »

not_a_moth wrote: post #11

I think the essential office chitchat issue is "being yourself" vs. "seeming like a high quality professional". I've found out the hard way that relaxing and aiming for a real conversation carries a high % chance of saying something unbecoming of a team leader. Better pay attention to appearances when you're at work. I don't understand coworkers who say silly things at the lunch table without a second thought, or tho…

> doing so seems to risk your upward mobility. It's a sad POV but from my experience anyways I think it's reality.

Maybe some people aren't that concerned about upwards mobility, and care more about having a work envitonment where they can relax and be themselves?

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