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Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

thetimes.co.uk

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Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#211

Post by omginternets »

garmaine wrote: post #193
hombre_fatal wrote: post #185

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Someone wrote this and had deleted their comment when I went to reply to them, but I thought it was on point, so now I'm saying it: Curious, why you took offense to OPs post? If you are enjoying not having close friends, then good for you, really. This thread doesn't apply to you. You remind me of Ricky Gervais' Guitar Lessons bit: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L3dxMGzt5mU In summary, it's like calling up a guitar…

I didn’t take offense. Did it read that way? He is on a self-professed quest to cure loneliness, and seems to equate that with not having close friendships. I just want to make sure he is aware there is a distinction and not everyone classifies that way.

>He is on a self-professed quest to cure loneliness

It seemed to me that he was on a quest to cure his loneliness.

Point is: It's interesting (perhaps even revealing) that you read it differently.

If it's not a problem, then it's not a problem. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#212

Post by Ixiaus »

Mediterraneo10 wrote: post #206
tonystubblebine wrote: post #63

Earlier quoted context omitted.

An important post-30 strategy that I use is to assume that all friends with children are prisoners in their own home. You know exactly where they are. You know they don't have plans. They are desperate for adult conversation. That means you can invite yourself over, bring takeout, and basically make their day. I'm coupled but this should work as a single. Our parent friends say it's actually easier to be friends with…

> That means you can invite yourself over It is fairly common for a man to marry a woman who does not like his friends. Then, the wife does not want the husband’s friends at their home. So, you cannot invite yourself over, and the man is so busy with giving his wife sufficient attention and with childraising that he cannot easily go out to meet his friends in another location.

It is not common and if you experience this then you are: bad at setting your own boundaries, bad at mate selection, or bad at friend selection.

Men are not victims here. Have a hard look at why you think this and fix the problem.

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#213

Post by PascLeRasc »

rutierut wrote: post #69
DeusExMachina wrote: post #23

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I moved to another country at the age of 30, which meant the number of friends I had dropped to 0. What worked for me was starting dancing tango, where I built a newer, better and larger network than the one I previously had. I guess this can apply to any social activity where you can interact with people, be it social dancing or coocking classes.

This is amazing, it really shows character that you take action to solve your problems and are successful in doing so. So please know that this is not aimed at you personally... But... I am so freaking sick of people recommending others to pickup either salsa or tango! Not of the people that recommend this themselves but are there really no other options? Tango/salsa classes seem to get recommended again, again and a…

It doesn't have to be your favorite thing, it just has to be better than being lonely. Lots of people will be there actively or casually looking for new friends - there's nothing stopping you from going for a month then suggesting to a group that you check out some new activity next week.

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#214

Post by fromthestart »

black_puppydog wrote: post #180

Sorry, I know this will trigger some folks, but this is exactly why I never understood the backlash against "toxic masculinity" that I see from (male) friends whenever the term comes up. Who said it's supposed to be toxic only for others? Being a stereotypically "manly" man would prevent me in particular from expressing some of the things that make me feel the least lonely, from simple things like cooking and being p…

>which I never understood the backlash against toxic masculinity" that I see from (male) friends whenever the term comes up. Who said it's supposed to be toxic only for others?

Because toxic masculinity is an exaggerated catch-all boogey man used online to shame men for their innate nature, taking for granted that society functions better if we act more like females.

Conversations around toxic masculinity typically implicitly deny thousands of years of sexually dimorphic specialization by blank slateists. What's more, it's men who get the blame for the socially reinforced aspect of this so called toxicity, with the conversation universally denying the role that female sexual selection plays in reinforcing these behaviors - women are innately drawn to masculinity, and to a large extent what is and is not culturally masculine is not limited social pressure. Men and women evolved with differently shaded psychologies. Why do you think male and female norms have so much overlap across almost all cultures? And have for thousands of years?

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#216

Post by fromthestart »

capableweb wrote: post #207
viburnum wrote: post #59

Can’t find it right now, but I recall some research showing that friendship for men is basically with whatever other men you’re around the most. If you’re a man and want more friends, you probably need to get a new job. Or make a long-term commitment to showing up to the same place where other men are also committed to showing up (AA meetings, church, sports team, etc). Or just be friends with the husbands of your wi…

> some research showing that friendship for women is basically with whatever other women you’re around the most. If you’re a woman and want more friends, you probably need to get a new job. Or make a long-term commitment to showing up to the same place where other women are also committed to showing up (AA meetings, church, sports team, etc). Or just be friends with the wifes of your husband’s friends. I replaced "me…

Or perhaps men and women are innately different after hundreds of thousands of generations of sexually dimorphic evolution, and this affects the manner in which they socialize?

It seems we've brainwashed an entire generation into believing that all differences in male and female are purely social constructs - which is total nonsense.

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#217

Post by vntx »

rutierut wrote: post #69
DeusExMachina wrote: post #23

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I moved to another country at the age of 30, which meant the number of friends I had dropped to 0. What worked for me was starting dancing tango, where I built a newer, better and larger network than the one I previously had. I guess this can apply to any social activity where you can interact with people, be it social dancing or coocking classes.

This is amazing, it really shows character that you take action to solve your problems and are successful in doing so. So please know that this is not aimed at you personally... But... I am so freaking sick of people recommending others to pickup either salsa or tango! Not of the people that recommend this themselves but are there really no other options? Tango/salsa classes seem to get recommended again, again and a…

I couldn’t care less about tango either. For my friends, video games are a great platform for socializing.

I’ve always enjoyed games like Pokémon, Age of Empires, WoW so my friends and I schedule time to play together.

We played AoE II together recently and it was super fun, even though we repeatedly get stomped by the hard AI.

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#218

Post by Mediterraneo10 »

Ixiaus wrote: post #212
Mediterraneo10 wrote: post #206

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> That means you can invite yourself over It is fairly common for a man to marry a woman who does not like his friends. Then, the wife does not want the husband’s friends at their home. So, you cannot invite yourself over, and the man is so busy with giving his wife sufficient attention and with childraising that he cannot easily go out to meet his friends in another location.

It is not common and if you experience this then you are: bad at setting your own boundaries, bad at mate selection, or bad at friend selection. Men are not victims here. Have a hard look at why you think this and fix the problem.

> if you experience this then you are: bad at setting your own boundaries, bad at mate selection, or bad at friend selection.

Indeed, many men are bad at some of those things. Attraction to a partner can be such a powerful motivation that one rushes to establish the relationship without thinking or caring about the effect it will have on one's social life. Then, once one is already married, there is a fairly widespread expectation that one’s social life has to acquiesce to what the spouse is comfortable with, and attempting to "set boundaries" in this matter would be inappropriate.

> Men are not victims here.

My post above concerned men because the linked article is about men, but it is people in general who are the victims here. I suspect that many women face the same problem in being unable to freely interact with their friends due to husbands who don't like their friend group.

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#219

Post by icebraining »

goatinaboat wrote: post #134
rconti wrote: post #29

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Agreed that it's clickbaity. I already felt bad for the (smaller) proportion of women who would be turned off by this headline, and then when you read the actual article, it's 12% of women and "almost one in five which would be 20%) of men. So, men's rate is not even double womens'. Don't get me wrong, both numbers are serious, and I agree it's a lot harder for us men. It's just that, particularly in the case of such…

You are illustrating the problem which is that men are “not allowed” to have problems. There are plenty of things, such as unrealistic body image portrayed by the media, that affect both men and women, yet women claim it exclusively as theirs, because men aren’t supposed to. Can’t men have a thing?

> women claim it exclusively as theirs

This way of putting things, as if groups like "women" or "men" were clubs with decision making processes, is absurd and only serves to cause division and infighting.

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#220

Post by kerrsclyde »

I don't have a single friend who I could ask to meet for a drink/socially. When I was 20 I had numerous close friends, but no wife and family, which have now replaced my friends.

The relationship I have with my family I feel is much higher quality than I had with my friends.

Friends (like family) can be hard work, maintaining friendships takes time and effort and I'm not willing to put in that effort, and I'm cool with that.

I think it is too simplistic to say having no close friends is good or bad, it depends on your outlook.

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