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Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

thetimes.co.uk

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Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#191

Post by hamandcheese »

intrasight wrote: post #166
orasis wrote: post #156

Earlier quoted context omitted.

So much this! I am happily married but my wife understands that I tend to connect better with female friends than males. It took some time for me to reject the social taboo of a married male hanging out with platonic women friends but I’ve been so much happier for it.

I don't think there is a social taboo - I think it's more of a self-imposed taboo because we've been told forever that men and woman can't just be friends. I've found that if you are clear that you just want to be friends then there is no discomfort, and they will treat you nearly exactly the same as they treat there female friends. They will share their feelings, their concerns, their aspirations. That what needs to…

> Oh, and be prepared for lots of these friends sending signals that they would like to be more than friends. How you handle that is obviously up to you.

That’s exactly why it’s difficult. This doesn’t happen with my male friends.

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#192

Post by lolinder »

buboard wrote: post #60

study result https://d25d2506sfb94s.cloudfront.net/cumulus_uploads/docume...

Very interesting numbers. Of those men who indicated that it was difficult to find friends, 26% responded that the reason was that they didn't feel that they needed friends. Only 14% of women responded the same. (Page 43)

Others have commented that the gender gap in having no friends is much smaller then the headline implies, and this difference may account for a good chunk of it.

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#193

Post by garmaine »

hombre_fatal wrote: post #185
garmaine wrote: post #145

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Just FYI, “have no close friend” and “loneliness” aren’t the same thing. I have no close friends, and I prefer it. Don’t try to “cure” people like me.

Someone wrote this and had deleted their comment when I went to reply to them, but I thought it was on point, so now I'm saying it: Curious, why you took offense to OPs post? If you are enjoying not having close friends, then good for you, really. This thread doesn't apply to you. You remind me of Ricky Gervais' Guitar Lessons bit: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L3dxMGzt5mU In summary, it's like calling up a guitar…

I didn’t take offense. Did it read that way?

He is on a self-professed quest to cure loneliness, and seems to equate that with not having close friendships. I just want to make sure he is aware there is a distinction and not everyone classifies that way.

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#194

Post by jcims »

bildung wrote: post #186
personlurking wrote: post #88

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>I see it in my youngest daughter as well, and I do worry for her It's good that you worry. As children of staunch loners, my siblings and I all turned into loners as adults. Edit: We don't even talk to each other.

This is an important point for jcims' situation: If you want your kids to get out, then get out yourself. You have to be a role model for getting out - both in the sense that the kids see that you had fun doing so and as a model for the skills used to master the situation (e.g. casually talking to people, gift culture, helping each other out and so on. The specifics obviously differ for different (sub-)cultures). The…

I sort of agree with this but my parents constantly had people over when I was a kid. That and my oldest daughter is a raging socialite at college, lead RA, secretary for the university student govt, just got invited to box seats with the university executive leadership for a football game, has 3-4 friend groups and a core couple deep friends that she meets constantly.

A little nature a little nurture, but to be clear I do agree with you that it's better to model than not.

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#195

Post by lolinder »

sargram01 wrote: post #128

What happened to the movement that it’s ok to be bored? That was ok, but now it goes out the window when it’s called “loneliness?”

Bored and lonely are two very different things. "It's okay to be bored" is about disconnecting from the constant feed of entertainment and information, not about isolating yourself from other human beings.

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#196

Post by enraged_camel »

whateveracct wrote: post #115
enraged_camel wrote: post #96

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What is interesting is that most people understand the concept of a plan B when it comes to things like what university they will attend, their careers, their financial safety nets, etc. But they assume their marriage will last forever. As you imply, it’s a big mistake.

Assuming your marriage lasts forever is kind of the point. It's an existential leap-of-faith.

You or your partner will die at some point, and your marriage will end then, right? What happens after that?

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#197

Post by malandrew »

chicob wrote: post #104
TazeTSchnitzel wrote: post #37

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Focussing on men risks feeding the whole “men are victims of feminism” narrative.

That's funny. My first thought was that the narrative being fed here was "men are victims of the patriarchy", and my second thought that maybe The Times would now on be considered "a platform for the man's rights movement's narratives".

Once upon a time under the patriarchy, men’s social clubs were a common phenomena, but then it became unacceptable for such places to exist because of “power structures” yada yada yada. It’s not a coincidence that loneliness for men rose as spaces for men declined.

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#198

Post by garmaine »

dwaltrip wrote: post #152
garmaine wrote: post #145

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Just FYI, “have no close friend” and “loneliness” aren’t the same thing. I have no close friends, and I prefer it. Don’t try to “cure” people like me.

Why do you prefer it?

I’m an introvert. People drain me. I find fulfillment in the world around me and my hobbies. I’m on HN not to be social but to learn things. I don’t need validation from others.

I don’t hate human interaction either. I have friends. I just don’t NEED them, and don’t need to go seeking them or be especially close.

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#199

Post by ivalm »

throwaway66920 wrote: post #165
Consultant32452 wrote: post #72

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Imagine if it were pay. Women only get 66% of the loneliness men get. This is a national crisis and I demand equality for women.

Pay is not the same for a variety of reasons. You have one employer, you have infinite potential friends. Pay concerns are also normalized to things like your job, your education, and experience. If men have fewer friends then must be because they don’t know how to make new friends, they don’t put in the effort to make new friends, or they don’t have the time to make new friends. While the latter may be a genuine con…

Or because societal norms arent conducive to forming new male friendships?

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#200

Post by tonystubblebine »

tonystubblebine wrote: post #63
paganel wrote: post #5

As a man is pretty damn hard keeping friends after the age of 30, especially if you happen to go trough a divorce when suddenly more than half (if not more) of your friends get to “choose” the other side. Yeah, you get to ask your friends back from high-school or college out for a beer but chances are they’re also in a middle of a divorce or they’re too busy with family requirements (can’t blame them) or too stressed…

An important post-30 strategy that I use is to assume that all friends with children are prisoners in their own home. You know exactly where they are. You know they don't have plans. They are desperate for adult conversation. That means you can invite yourself over, bring takeout, and basically make their day. I'm coupled but this should work as a single. Our parent friends say it's actually easier to be friends with…

I should credit my partner for originating and articulating this idea: https://medium.com/better-humans/how-to-stay-friends-when-yo...
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