I think it's very important to have a good work life balance.
Especially if you work the whole day mentally. I try to do sports regularly.
Especially important is the support from family.
Ask HN: Are you ok?
851–860 of 898 posts
Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?
#852I recently experienced months of sleeping problems. Where I wouldn't sleep for days. Or would sleep a few hours. I would be exhausted and my head would hit the pillow and BAM adrenaline and I can hear my heart pounding and I'm awake. It got so bad I would go into the basement and destroy a wall that I kept repairing. I would cry in frustration. I started to have suicidal thoughts. It was harming my marriage and made…
I had 3 weeks during this summer when I was with my 5yo at my parents house. My parents took care of their grandchild and he was happy to just spend time with them. I didn't have to cook, take care of groceries or do any house chores that normally fill my day up. I could just work, so I did, for 10-12h a day (usually it's about 7h). I had trouble with sleeping basically from the day one. I was constantly thinking abo…
what i sense here, and i felt that too, is needing an excuse to relax. like being able to tell my boss: i'd love to work more but i have to take care of the kids. once you realize what is going on you can work with that more constructively, at which point you'll be able to relax without needing an activity that you didn't choose yourself. you can and should of course continue these chores, but those too you'll be able to do with more deliberation and awareness of what benefits they give you.
Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?
#853lol
Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?
#854Earlier quoted context omitted.
Thanks! My wife hypothesizes that it's the act of getting my attention fixed to something dumb enough that my brain can "wind down" before bed. (not that WoW is dumb. But I spend my time fishing and taking photos)
Taking photos (with analog film actually) was a sort of an emotional outlet for me. It also made my wife say, either you quit doing that or we divorce. And I thought to myself, is this... a normal way to argue? I figured, no probably not. Slowly I started questioning more things. Many months of pain and suffering and finally we are divorced and I'm so relieved. What helps me sleep now is podcasts and making sure I've…
i believe there is only one way to keep a marriage alive: you need to have a common goal, and wanting to work together to achieve that goal. while working on that goal you'll be able to compromise on other things. you can demonstrate for example how photography gives you the energy needed for that goal, or you find that photography gets on the way of your common goal and you'll reduce it or stop.
without a common goal you have no reason to compromise on anything and as a result every partner will just maximize for their own benefit.
Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?
#855Earlier quoted context omitted.
> ($80/hour, which is pretty competitive for a Python developer with 10+ years of experience, 6ish of them in Python) I have this kind of experience, but the most I can make is $50/hour. How do you find high value clients?
I don't know if I have a real strategy here. I just give my rate early in the process and don't make it sound like it's negotiable. Some people don't call me back, and I suspect my rate is why. I do offer a lower rate to nonprofits. I've gotten one client through Craigslist (oddly) but despite ads on a bunch of websites, the rest of my work has come through referrals. I suspect the biggest thing is just being in a go…
how long did it take before you got enough work through referrals? and how much does your location matter to find clients? i am unable to find any local clients but i also can't easily move to anywhere else because i have a family with school-age kids which you don't move on a whim. people keep recommending upwork and similar places, but the quality of the offers there is not good either, and i end up competing with cheap labor. all the advice i find online is about how to get better leads, but not about how to get leads in the first place.
Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?
#856I'm doing fine.
I used to be much richer and healthier than I am now. I was also less happy and contented.
I experienced some health disasters and serious accompanying financial losses. I could list afflictions and disadvantageous circumstances, but I'm happier and more content now than I was before all of that.
During one of the particularly bad spells I turned to the writings of the classical Stoics, which I was already familiar with in a general way, because I was raised on the classics. I found useful tools there, and I used them to learn how to be happy.
Stoicism is less about metaphysics, and more about working out practically how to live a happy and virtuous life--how to be a good and happy person.
I assume it won't work for everyone, but it worked pretty well for me, and my grown children report that it has worked for them, as well. I think it's worth mentioning on the off chance that someone else might also find it helpful.
If you're curious, you can find a lot of resources just by googling "stoicism". The Wikipedia article is a decent introduction. If you want more specific recommendations, I suggest the _Enchiridion_ of Epictetus and the journals of Marcus Aurelius, usually translated under the title _Meditations_. There's a lot of value in Seneca, too.
You'll find that the ancients usually assumed the existence of the gods, but I'm personally an atheist, and nothing in Stoicism requires belief in any deities.
If you don't find it as useful as I did, I hope you find something else that works better.
Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?
#857Earlier quoted context omitted.
Australian here; it's the same here. "Oh Software Engineer..." cue vacant look
Yep, it's a bit frustrating. I often talk to people in careers I know nothing about, so I ask questions. Then you have a conversation going. Sometimes it feels like people are afraid to be curious about software engineering, lest they get infected with nerdiness.
I find the same preemptive assumption from many people that they are incapable of understanding mathematics. The usual statement is: "I'm not a math person." This alone tells me how criminally warped their view on academics and mathematics must have been shaped, and how rotten we are at teaching concepts in a way multiple subsets of the classroom can learn at once.
Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?
#858I recently experienced months of sleeping problems. Where I wouldn't sleep for days. Or would sleep a few hours. I would be exhausted and my head would hit the pillow and BAM adrenaline and I can hear my heart pounding and I'm awake. It got so bad I would go into the basement and destroy a wall that I kept repairing. I would cry in frustration. I started to have suicidal thoughts. It was harming my marriage and made…
I'm having the same feelings. I want also to try to have side hustles or play games, but I'm really too tired on evenings..I already wake up daily at 5.30/6, going to bed on 22
Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?
#859No, I'm not. I'm at the beginning of my career, and so far I have only worked for companies that collapse! For the past three years, I have not had a reliable/steady income. In my current company, we are already being told to begin looking for another place. Last year at a time like this, the former company ran out of money now this! I don't even want to work anymore. Financially stability allows you to focus more on your work.
Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?
#860Earlier quoted context omitted.
There are ways you can do it with deniability built in. Switch off your phone. Then be "visiting family for dinner, out of cell range". Forget your phone under the cushion on the couch. Your nephew was playing loud music and you didn't hear it ring. If the boss says that they need you available for emergencies or whatever, say that your therapist suggested you disconnect in the evenings or you will burn out irreparab…
I think honesty is always the best solution. Have a talk with your boss and discuss the current situation and how it is not managable. Work out a solution in the short term. What happens next is that your boss will totally not stick up to his end of the agreement, because he will assume you will fix it anyways. But then you stick to yours and let things burn. Then he gets the hard lesson, and you can put the fault in…
Thanks, I've made a note on my phone which reads 'Let things burn', to review frequently. My employer refuses to set up an on-call rotation, probably to save money, but they will and frequently do call you 24/7 expect you to work immediately, for no additional compensation. This after a week of constant task switching plus a 3 hour total daily commute is just too much to sustain.
I still need to figure out how to deal with the frequent 'can you work next Saturday and Sunday?' with a thank you as payment.