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Ask HN: Are you ok?

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Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#771

Post by amp108 »

Waterluvian wrote: post #393

I recently experienced months of sleeping problems. Where I wouldn't sleep for days. Or would sleep a few hours. I would be exhausted and my head would hit the pillow and BAM adrenaline and I can hear my heart pounding and I'm awake. It got so bad I would go into the basement and destroy a wall that I kept repairing. I would cry in frustration. I started to have suicidal thoughts. It was harming my marriage and made…

Something that worked for me was playing a TV show that I've watched to death (Archer, Community, Rick and Morty.) on my phone. Listening to a story that I already know occupies my brain just enough to let go of my own worries, and since I know the end of them all, I don't have the need to sit up and wonder what's going to happen next.

Kind of the opposite of what they recommend (completely silent and dark room) for so-called "sleep hygiene", which, when I practiced it, only served to keep me awake longer.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#772

Post by Forge36 »

Waterluvian wrote: post #393

I recently experienced months of sleeping problems. Where I wouldn't sleep for days. Or would sleep a few hours. I would be exhausted and my head would hit the pillow and BAM adrenaline and I can hear my heart pounding and I'm awake. It got so bad I would go into the basement and destroy a wall that I kept repairing. I would cry in frustration. I started to have suicidal thoughts. It was harming my marriage and made…

Self hypnosis with video games?

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#773

Post by rakejake »

somasucks wrote: post #484

I don't know. I think I am? I come home from work and kill some time on the internet. Often times, I lose interest in whatever it is I'm doing and go to bed. I have acid reflux, so that prevents from eating stuff that I like as well. I don't like SF a lot, but I care about career progression and opportunities as well. I used to play a lot of video games, but I stopped now because of...I don't know - just lost interes…

Hey somasucks, people have delegated birthday reminders to Facebook nowadays so I wouldn't take that very seriously. If not for Facebook, I wouldn't remember my best friend's birthday even.

I think what you're feeling is ennui maybe? This odd feeling of dissatisfaction even though life is good on paper. This is something I feel too, and oddly enough, I know what to do to get myself out of such a situation. Meet more people, talk to the people I know more often etc. But I fall into the exact rut that you mentioned in your post - I come back from home not tired at all, yet the thought of getting on the phone with people is just unbearable.

Maybe it is just anxiety? I don't know. But the fix is more people-time, and also a diverse set of activities. Pick up a sport, learn singing, strength train at the gym etc. When you have a lot of different activities lined up, you are almost never dissatisified. Bad day at work? Well atleast my workout was good and I'm building muscle. Didn't go to the gym? Well I'm sure the weekend hike will pump me up.

The more you put yourself out there, the better the chance of meeting like-minded people.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#774

Post by sean2 »

rubicon33 wrote: post #349
RosanaAnaDana wrote: post #283

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I just want to make an aside point here, that for the vast majority of people on the planet, the idea that they would have 20k in savings to take a year off is just wishful thinking. To be able to even get to the point of having 20k in savings, you must have an incredible safety net in terms of both society and family that allows that to happen. You are incredibly privileged to have been able to even save that kind o…

Not only is the 20k savings a barrier of entry for most people, but this type of advice comes with massive assumptions about one's own life. Good luck doing this if you're in a committed relationship. Good luck doing this if you have kids, for example. For anyone who's put down even basic roots, this is a difficult bit of advice, if not downright unhelpful.

most people Yeah, but for a lot of people on HN, I think 20K in savings would be pretty standard.

Even considering the restrictions of relationship and kids: 30% of my office is still youg-ish, single with over $20k in savings (as far as I can guess).

Not all advice is for everyone, but I think a long, long vacation away from your current tech career, that has left you with some savings, might be a good fit for this forum.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#775

Post by prawn »

DoreenMichele wrote: post #717

Not really. I'm broke, as usual. I'm no longer homeless and no longer literally dying (health issue), but I can't say I'm exactly a happy camper. I have $155 bill due in 3 days that I can't cover. My paycheck this week will be less than that. And then there's living expenses, like groceries. The cupboards are bare, again. I do resume work, but I'm not good at promoting that. (And I blog, but my Patreon is underfunded…

Is your resume work (I assume coaching on CVs?) purely online?

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#776

Post by DoreenMichele »

prawn wrote: post #775
DoreenMichele wrote: post #717

Not really. I'm broke, as usual. I'm no longer homeless and no longer literally dying (health issue), but I can't say I'm exactly a happy camper. I have $155 bill due in 3 days that I can't cover. My paycheck this week will be less than that. And then there's living expenses, like groceries. The cupboards are bare, again. I do resume work, but I'm not good at promoting that. (And I blog, but my Patreon is underfunded…

Is your resume work (I assume coaching on CVs?) purely online?

Yeah, it is.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#777

Post by astockwell »

throwinitaway wrote: post #766

Throwaway account! I'm Australian. Social media sees quite a few fellow Aussies sharing R U OK day links. Yesterday an acquaintance of mine posted that no-one's asked him if he's OK but well, he's not. Same here. Wife cheated on me a couple of weeks ago and gaslighted me until I had collected evidence at which point she confessed. Everything is now very difficult. R U OK day is just banners and t-shirts.

That is terrible, hang in there! The silver lining is that you trusted yourself and it led to the truth, which is now exposed. Keep trusting yourself and you will make it through.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#778

Post by prawn »

DoreenMichele wrote: post #776
prawn wrote: post #775

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Is your resume work (I assume coaching on CVs?) purely online?

Yeah, it is.

I only asked in case that helps you remove the health/gender bit from your service brand, if those are things you feel limit your ability to make connections. Do you compartmentalise the aspects of your brand to ensure a clear pitch? e.g., the CV stuff is very separate from the San Diego blog or the health discoveries you've made over the years?

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#779

Post by prawn »

codingstuffs wrote: post #602
koonsolo wrote: post #548

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You offer a service to your employer and agreed a price for that service. Don't wrongly assume that just because he pays you, he can ask anything. Of course he can ask anything, but that doesn't mean you have to agree with it. It works both ways, and he needs you as much as you need him. Make up your own mind of how far you want to go for which price, and stick with it. You have to set clear boundries in such situati…

Setting boundaries is something I've never really been good at, and definitely need to work on. Thanks for the advice and encouragement.

There are ways you can do it with deniability built in. Switch off your phone. Then be "visiting family for dinner, out of cell range". Forget your phone under the cushion on the couch. Your nephew was playing loud music and you didn't hear it ring.

If the boss says that they need you available for emergencies or whatever, say that your therapist suggested you disconnect in the evenings or you will burn out irreparably, etc.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#780

Post by DoreenMichele »

prawn wrote: post #778
DoreenMichele wrote: post #776

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yeah, it is.

I only asked in case that helps you remove the health/gender bit from your service brand, if those are things you feel limit your ability to make connections. Do you compartmentalise the aspects of your brand to ensure a clear pitch? e.g., the CV stuff is very separate from the San Diego blog or the health discoveries you've made over the years?

Thank you.

I'm in a tiny town. I don't see this being a big market for resume work. (Locally, I do website work very part-time.)

I had a former CEO on hiatus hire me while I was still homeless -- just before I got off the street, in fact. He was satisfied enough that his wife hired me a few months later, even though I had raised my prices.

I've had a few people with a lot of tech experience. So I imagine a lot of people simply wouldn't understand their resumes in a meaningful way. They generally say nice things about my work.

But I'm best known for having been homeless. When I try to tell random people that what I do is for very experienced people, it doesn't get believed.

(When I post on r/forhire, I'm generally downvoted. It usually doesn't result in work.)

I have no idea how to convince people that this is the type people I actually work for. Most of the individuals who hire me seem to know me through HN and hire me for their own reasons, but I have no obvious means to parley that into word of mouth or whatever.

I've done what I can to compartmentalize it, but my name is quite distinctive. I've made my peace with the fact that people can connect the dots with little effort and if they have a problem with those other aspects of me, there's not really anything I can do about it.

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