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Ask HN: Are you ok?

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Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#701

Post by anon9001 »

BagPiper5000 wrote: post #663
anon9001 wrote: post #360

I'm shocked at how many people seem to be doing OK or have minor complaints. For me, I've realized that if I have to do anything for 40+ hours a week on a schedule, after a couple of weeks, I'd prefer being dead. I could be a professional ice cream taste tester or race car driver, and after about 3 weeks of showing up at a fixed time and putting in 8 hours, I'd still be ready to off myself again. When I have week-lon…

I felt like I should make a throwaway for this... I'm the same. I'm in a loop where I hold a job for a few months (IT support, recently, contract work, so that they're okay with me leaving), 10 months or so at the most, and then quit so I have my spare time (and energy) back. The last two times, I went overseas with no plan past the first few days. The key thing about after-work and weekend hours is they aren't as us…

Are you not saving at all and only working when you need money?

If you become unable to work, aren't you concerned that you'll become homeless or starve?

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#702

Post by Bootwizard »

SeeDave wrote: post #190
Bootwizard wrote: post #86

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Well I gotta say, I've worked in Waterfall and now Agile and I couldn't even explain how much better it is. I feel like I can actually do my job now instead of worrying every day about process. You won't know how much better you're going to have it until you switch. Waterfall is a shackle around your hands and feet keeping you from getting actual work done. That being said, if you have an Agile consultant who is not…

I totally understand Waterfall vs Agile. Story points, grooming, estimates, continuous release, potentially shippable product, etc. I actually agree with the Scrum Guide [0], so my problem isn't with Agile; it's with this specific Agile Consultant who doesn't seem to "get" that process is often a proxy for talent/trust/respect and is just winging-it/BSing us all. Imagine Bill Lumbergh from Office Space with a ton of…

Well that does suck. I had the opposite experience with Waterfall and Agile.

My previous job (Waterfall) used such a heavy process that I was coding 10% of the time. Which is what I was hired to do. I'm a software engineer. Coding 10% of the time is unacceptable. But everyone working there had been doing that, some of them for 20+ years. It was like a prison sentence.

Luckily I was able to escape and got a fantastic job working at a small game studio that loosely uses Agile. The process is the last thing on my mind, and most days I don't even look at our Jira board. Maybe once or twice a week I look at it.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#703

Post by throwaway31338 »

anon9001 wrote: post #360

I'm shocked at how many people seem to be doing OK or have minor complaints. For me, I've realized that if I have to do anything for 40+ hours a week on a schedule, after a couple of weeks, I'd prefer being dead. I could be a professional ice cream taste tester or race car driver, and after about 3 weeks of showing up at a fixed time and putting in 8 hours, I'd still be ready to off myself again. When I have week-lon…

As a newly-minted member of the "40 hour / week" working club I have to agree with you. It's not okay. I'm not okay. This lifestyle is bullshit.

I recently shuttered my successful IT contracting business of 15 years. The reasons aren't worth going in to in detail. The fucked US health insurance system, out-of-control medical expenses, the Trump administration, and minor pre-existing medical conditions scared me (my wife and I in our 40's... shit has gone wrong because we've, ya' know, lived...). I was worried that the "Repeal Obamacare" people would eventually leave family without health insurance. In that state, we'd be potentially one health issue away from bankruptcy and losing everything I've worked my whole life for.

A job opportunity came up w/ a Customer. Since all I've done for the last 20 years is "hired gun" contract IT work I have no resume to speak of. I'd never get in the front door of a hiring process for what I'm accustomed to making. I'm "just" a sysadmin (albeit one who does know how to code). I'm in my 40's. I'd be lucky to make half and I'll be damned if I'm going to make my wife work outside the home if she doesn't want to.

So, I took the 40 hour / week public sector job. I spending $15K less per year on health insurance premiums and I'm making about the same gross that I was w/ my business. I guess I should count myself lucky. I should be happy with it. I guess.

The hours are fucking excruciating. Fucking. Excruciating. I don't understand how other people do this. It's soul-sucking and ridiculous. 40 hours a week dedicated to one single thing, aside from sleep, is untenable.

I've religiously tracked 100% my time-- personal and work-- for the last 15 years. My per-night sleep is down to under 6 hours, previously at 7.5 - 8. My personal time (meals, time w/ family, recreation, exercise) is crazily lower now too. I feel physically worse. My weight is going up.

I knew the old gig was good (billing 4.5 hours / weekday, on average, to make what I wanted) but I had absolutely no idea this grind would be such a grind. It's absolutely terrible. I don't see my wife and daughter anymore. I hate the time commitment.

I'm working to find the next business. Maybe there will be some actual progress with health insurance or medical expense and I'll be able to work independently again w/o fear of losing our retirement savings when one of us has the eventual medical issue. We're kicking the savings for retirement up and I need to start doing some income investing (though, again, a fat lot of good that does me if I can't affordable and good health insurance). I need to get rid of this fucking albatross.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#704

Post by throwaway31338 »

rileyteige wrote: post #374
anon9001 wrote: post #360

I'm shocked at how many people seem to be doing OK or have minor complaints. For me, I've realized that if I have to do anything for 40+ hours a week on a schedule, after a couple of weeks, I'd prefer being dead. I could be a professional ice cream taste tester or race car driver, and after about 3 weeks of showing up at a fixed time and putting in 8 hours, I'd still be ready to off myself again. When I have week-lon…

I can relate here, not sure if this is a reality for you but one thing that's helped me in this regard is negotiating 25hr/wk arrangements (accepting the pay cut). More flexibility, and if you're willing to burn the midnight oil once in a while you can bump your pay with a second (hopefully temporary!) gig.

How do you get health insurance in that situation, our of curiosity? All the employer-sponsored plans that I am familiar with require a minimum 30 hours / wk commitment.

Being an independent contractor is awesome (it's what I did for 100% of my income from 2004 until just a couple of months ago) but the health insurance situation and fear ended up killing it.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#705

Post by fuzz4lyfe »

swozey wrote: post #575
anon9001 wrote: post #542

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Talked to my boss on Skype once a week to discuss progress. The rest was up to me. Most of communication was done via ticket comments. Wait, is this common? I'm constantly answering questions and helping my team along as people get stuck all day. If I had the kind of an arrangement you're describing, I'd just get all my work done for the week in a day, and I wouldn't have a problem. Was there anything preventing yo…

Sounds like you might be more of a lynchpin to the team than the other commenter (which isn't a negative to them). You could try being less available, say no more often, etc. But some people just can't get away from it.

Here's a forbes article[0] about this phenomenon. Top performers get rewarded with more work in organizations generally speaking. The next job I have I am going to attempt to appear less competent as I have found that getting a 5% raise rather than 3% isn't really worth all the extra hours and weekends.

[0]https://www.forbes.com/sites/lizryan/2018/01/25/the-curse-of...

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#706

Post by jborichevskiy »

dyadic wrote: post #49

Not really. My country is being ripped apart, everyone seems so hateful against the other, the government talks about record employment level and pay while people are using foodbanks and sleeping in the streets. My own life is great by the standards that people usually use to measure success. But it feels so empty. I'd rather check out and go and live in a cave on a hill, but all the land and caves have been parcelle…

I can relate; I found myself in a fairly similar place mentally myself a half-year ago. The thing is, you're not alone and it's possible to start making steps towards trying to make a positive difference.

For the intersection of climate change and tech - check out Impact Makers [1] and their Slack community. Plenty of developers, designers, PMs, and data analysts working on various projects and companies across the spectrum of tackling climate change. I'd also recommend looking at and perhaps attending some effective altruism meetups in your city - it's a nice way to meet real people thinking about the same things with similar goals. Lastly I've found the 80,000 Hours website [2] to be a great resource for getting an idea of potential job paths, openings, and resources.

It hasn't been an instant fix but after setting some long-term goals in this space and starting to work towards them I've felt my mental health improve. I hope yours can too!

[1] - https://techimpactmakers.com/

[2] - https://80000hours.org/

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#707

Post by Bootwizard »

aasasd wrote: post #611
Bootwizard wrote: post #256

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I used to work in a place where I was surrounded by these "normies" for a lack of a better term. I had absolutely nothing in common with any of my coworkers. Maybe one of them because we both enjoyed expensive coffee, but that was superficial at best. I was miserable for the year and a half I was there, and I found a new job where everyone is a nerd. I love every single minute of my "work" day. Your environment can p…

Same here, I've once switched from a bunch of 40-something guys in an ‘IT department’ to a web-shop filled with 20- to 30-year-olds ranging from hipsters to ‘family people.’ It felt like fresh air, and conversations went from caustic comments on the company's demands to everything under the sun—had to boost the reading habits to keep up.

Exactly the same experience for me! Conversation at my last job felt fake and forced, and everyone knew it.

I don't know how my coworkers still work there. Nobody else left but me. Are people just blind to their own suffering? What is the deal with that?

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#708

Post by qorrect »

anon9001 wrote: post #674
qorrect wrote: post #662

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Is that for American retirement ? I absolutely love a tiny island town called Bocas Del Torro, Panama , you can buy a decent house for 50-150K, they use the US dollar, their is a large active expat community. If you're ok with learning Spanish, I'd get the f out before you completely die. My current plan is to hold this job for as long as I can, then I'm done ( I'm 40 for reference ) - Im going to live as long as the…

Yeah it is, based on age and savings and one of those FIRE calculators, and predicted spending based on what I know like house maintenance, food, clothes, etc. My Spanish is no bueno, but if my job was "learn Spanish", I don't think it'd be a huge problem. Wouldn't you have to worry about political instability down in Panama? How would health care work? Can I return to the US if I leave? Do I have to give up US citiz…

The catch is spotty internet, spotty electricity, no running water ( running water on the main island everywhere else is rainwater collection ), and shitty doctors.

Healthcare is cash only, if you had a serious problem I would recommend going back to the US.

If you spend over 50K for a house you get dual citizenship, you don't give up your US citizenship ( I personally wouldn't move anywhere where you have to give up US citizenship ) , you still pay taxes on any money earned in the US.

It's not a perfect solution at all, you just have to figure out what you value the most.

I will say, I spent 6 months down there, and coming back was hell. Why do we live this way ? The natives their fish out of the ocean for their food, they don't have alarm clocks, they don't have _any_ paperwork, and there some of the happiest people I've ever met. I'd trade my material shit for their freedom most days.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#709

Post by lostletterbox »

I recently left a government contracting role which I guess I completely mishandled. Miscommunication and a prejudice management left me in a position were I felt ostracised from other developers...

Of course this didn't really help my imposter syndrome and for two years I struggled with increasing isolation (in a new city), low(ering) self esteem, and feelings of suffocating in a hostile environment.

I don't really understand why it all happened, I know that I have certain character weaknesses that would make me prone to these situations developing... but the specifics on why it happened elude me; ultimately I blame myself.

It's been 2.5 months since I left and I'm struggling to find employment and I don't know why... I've been a day to day programmer for 3+ years, have a computer science qualification, and have some prestigious names on my resume. I guess in the Sydney market (perhaps others too) companies what you to have the relevant experience in specific frameworks (rather than just the tooling), which means I guess it's important to ditch legacy development and ensure you're on top of the most recent buzzwords.

That and with the state of civic participation/oversight, little to no personal engagement, and tiredness around getting asked the same bs questions from recruiters I start to wonder what's the point.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#710

Post by Choco31415 »

qorrect wrote: post #657
citruscomputing wrote: post #633

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The way you feel is normal. Please don't try to beat yourself into something you're not, or worse, feel guilty for not being able to. There's a line from a song I like that goes "This place is designed to kill us and make us think it's our fault." Remember that the 40 hour work week was considered a victory for unions. Not as an "I should feel grateful that I have this", but as a sign that progress is possible, and c…

|There's a line from a song I like that goes "This place is designed to kill us and make us think it's our fault." What song ?

Not sure if citruscomputing is referring to this, but Death/Bad Girl from Thank You by Black Dresses has that lyric. It’s towards the end:

“i didn't even know what i was going thru

until like, a year ago

and now it's everything

this place is designed to kill us

and make us think it's our fault”

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