Ask HN: Are you ok? • Hacker News Board

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#361

Post by agumonkey » Thu, Sep 12, 2019, 4:36 PM UTC

I'm having a weird issue.

I kinda care about programming, but I don't know if I can actually work in the field.

I'm not good enough to able to pwn interviews [0] and to submit resume to senior positions. And the few recruiting agencies I went through I probably playing games with people like me (gap in resume, not enough big names in it too).

This is utterly stressful because I have no idea how fast a normal developer has to be. How do you guys handle mental / roadblocks, outright failure (failing to build something even after the deadline).

I do know that there's a bunch of people being employed even though they perform badly, but it doesn't help getting in.

Thus I feel stuck, and I wish I could just peek into an office or find a place that mentors people for a while, but does this even exist ?

[0] in France, first interviews are mostly social skills, even though I got a pair of remote coding tests (python and java) and did well.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#362

Post by rileyteige » Thu, Sep 12, 2019, 4:36 PM UTC

I'm doing OK, my job/clients are great, but every day I can't help feeling like all I'm doing is making rich people richer. I'd like to do something real. Even contemplating a career change down the road once our savings/investments are in a good long-term spot. My wife and I are planning to start having kids in the next year or two so we'll see how that changes things.

I miss my old friends; wife is a doctor (resident) and due to that we've had to move multiple times across the country in support of her education (grew up on the west coast, now living midwest eastern time zone). The new friends I make here just aren't as fulfilling.

That said, as a tangent since I see so many people here mentioning their remote work, I've been doing that myself full-time for most of the past 5 years and it has been an absolute godsend. Don't ever plan on going back. Thanks to the flexibility afforded by remote work, I've been able to e.g. get my airplane pilot/flight instructor certificates, as well as start training our 1.5-yr-old dog (and myself) in Agility. I would not have had the time (or the energy at the end of the day) were it not for the remote lifestyle.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#363

Post by carapace » Thu, Sep 12, 2019, 4:37 PM UTC

cicciop wrote: post #303

No, I'm not OK. Throwaway for obvious reasons. Last year I lost my job and my marriage. I have since survived on occasional self-employment and burning my life savings; this month I lost the car, chances are I'll be broke by Christmas and will lose the house. My CV is atypical and hard to sell, too old for junior jobs and not good enough for senior ones, and I'm crap at selling and networking, but what else am I goin…

> I wish there were a place where you could go when you feel like shit and everyone else is there for the same reason and you can talk it out and nobody judges you.

A.A. and the others are exactly that, FWIW.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#364

Post by michannne » Thu, Sep 12, 2019, 4:37 PM UTC

flanksteak wrote: post #281

Not really at the moment, if I'm being honest. I always have been, generally, which is what makes it so jarring right now. I'm overworked and jaded at my current job. It's completely demoralizing to see red flags and systemic problems everywhere, bring them up to trusted confidants (and gently to the people who matter), and see nothing done about it. The management seems to be completely divorced from the reality of…

>I'm overworked and jaded at my current job... ...but my lack of a proper CS degree always feels like a blemish on the CV when I apply to jobs.

Same here, only difference is I work at a startup so I don't want to leave out of fear I won't get a piece of the pie when the company blows up.

>In my home life, I feel like I'm the sole provider and I have to do everything... ...I just want to be happy and have security for my family

I won't tell you how to run your relationship, but it's important to remember the main benefit of dating is that if it's not working out you can simply walk away. I've seen many friends get pressured into staying in a relationship they, deep down, don't want to be in or aren't ready for and come up with various reasons for why they can't leave. Relationships are all about compromise, no one likes to cook, but someone has to, no one likes to work but someone has to, etc. If you're giving 100% and the other person is giving 0%, 10%, 20%, 40%, I can't say if it'll work out or not, but it'll definitely end up deteriorating you.

>I want to pursue my old hobbies (making games, music production), etc. without feeling like they're an escape while everything around me crumbles.

I had the same problem. Getting pressured at work to put in more hours, do more work for no raise, take responsibility without authority, I wasn't going to sacrifice my life even further to appease someone making 3x as much as I was.

I declined. Not only that, but I started leaving earlier, coming in a little later, took slightly shorter, but more frequent breaks. I began focusing more on my hobbies as well. I've found that the world awards those who push back.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#365

Post by dyadic » Thu, Sep 12, 2019, 4:37 PM UTC

djsumdog wrote: post #217

dyadic wrote: post #49

Not really. My country is being ripped apart, everyone seems so hateful against the other, the government talks about record employment level and pay while people are using foodbanks and sleeping in the streets. My own life is great by the standards that people usually use to measure success. But it feels so empty. I'd rather check out and go and live in a cave on a hill, but all the land and caves have been parcelle…

I made it out a few times. After a break-in, I took off backpacking and lived off $20k NZD of savings for nearly a year: https://khanism.org/perspective/minimalism/ I attempted this a 2nd time in a car and it wasn't quite as good, but I'm still glad I did it: https://khanism.org/perspective/a-tale-of-two-journeys/ If you're under 30, holiday work visas are great. Tons of countries have these agreements, they're cheap…

I have done that twice, the second time was nearly five years in total and I worked part time to sustain myself while doing it. Working part time did allow me to cultivate a better balance of life, but it was predicated on living in developing countries while leveraging my first world name and face to earn comfortably above the local market values.

I really enjoyed the time I spent away, but I do have to acknowledge that the happiness wasn't through the things that bothered being solved, but only making it easier to ignore or distract myself from them. In the end I wasn't finding the meaning that I was looking for, and the draw of family ties and relationships brought me back home.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#366

Post by jart » Thu, Sep 12, 2019, 4:37 PM UTC

CalRobert wrote: post #156

klenwell wrote: post #11

As a team lead, one question I always ask in my 1-on-1's: On a scale of 1-5 (low good, high bad), what's your stress level since we last met? If my teammate says 4 or 5, I ask what we can do to bring it down to a 3. We also address this as part of the simple assessment we do in each sprint retrospective. My company struggles to define meaningful KPIs and OKRs. This is the one that's most important to me.

In my 20's I would have told you the truth. Now I would lie to you, because I've worked in places that used this sort of thing against their employees. If it's a 1 or 2 I will assume you want to push it to 3 as well. It's not great, of course, but there is huge potential downside to being honest.

It usually depends who you're being honest to. For example, it's usually a good idea to be honest with your manager, since you being successful makes them more successful. But anyone else who doesn't stand to gain from your fortune, you're right it's probably not a good idea to come across as vulnerable.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#367

Post by titanomachy » Thu, Sep 12, 2019, 4:39 PM UTC

tracer4201 wrote: post #293

noonespecial wrote: post #157

Earlier quoted context omitted.

A little perspective. $40k/year is about what glassdoor suggests you should make as the manager of a 7-11. A little one. Don't be afraid of a temporary career change. I've done it twice to save myself from burnout. We get overly attached to a narrative about ourselves as developers and become convinced that we need an unbroken ladder of the latest gee-wiz frameworks and libraries to stay in the game. Outside of FAANG…

I work in FAANG in a senior/tech lead engineering role. I don’t think unbroken ladder of latest gee-whiz frameworks and libraries is even remotely accurate of what developers in these companies care about or need. If anything, wanting to adopt the latest and “greatest” is usually a sign of an inexperienced engineer. If you’re at FAANG, especially at a team that is optimizing for throughput or scale, you’ll care more…

Seconded. My FAANG team doesn't use frameworks that would be recognizable outside the company, only internal ones. My interview didn't involve any frameworks, only basic computer science, design, and problem-solving.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#368

Post by suyash » Thu, Sep 12, 2019, 4:40 PM UTC

throwaway12999 wrote: post #305

Nope. I was fired 9 months ago for insisting that leadership disclose a credential leak to affected customers. The company is one that publicly touts itself as being an ethical, progressive, transparent organization. Turns out if a disclosure doesn't improve the image they're attempting to market, those values go right out the window. The whole experience has left me jaded on working with for-profit tech companies, a…

Sorry to hear you are going through a hard time and having fired can be a traumatic experience, I have had that before and can still remember that phone call. You will get over it, I would say there are too many companies with great cultures out there so it's just a matter of time and effort when you find your next one, just think it of like numbers game. I would also suggest working on something you are passionate about and finding a community of like minded individuals, that may bring you joy :)

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#369

Post by carapace » Thu, Sep 12, 2019, 4:41 PM UTC

hntemp190912 wrote: post #192

DoofusOfDeath wrote: post #158

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm really sorry. I can relate a little about the work anxiety, but a lot about the existential dread. While I don't have any pat answers for you, I'd like to encourage you about the existential anxiety you feel. If my personal experience is anything to by, you have a few reasons for hope on that front. First, unless you've thoroughly explored a lot of world views, you can hold out hope that you'll find one that you…

I've already put the effort into developing friendships... I moved back to my childhood home where I'm close to family and many of my life-long best friends. I see them all the time now. It doesn't matter. None of it is making me think life is worth it at this point. So what, so I get to see family and friends? Then what? I go back to bed and want to die again. My world view is mostly rooted in Camus's writing on the…

Two things:

This too shall pass.

You can be happy for no reason at all.

HTH

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#370

Post by scriptkiddy » Thu, Sep 12, 2019, 4:42 PM UTC

sickygnar wrote: post #355

scriptkiddy wrote: post #335

I feel like I'm fine. My job is OK. I'm not exactly passionate about the specific piece of software I'm working on, but I work with some very smart people who I learn a lot from, so that makes it a little less boring. My employer has been letting me work from home as much as I want despite having no official work from home policy, so that's contributing to a general uptick in mental positivity. When I first started a…

> Despite all of this, I still just feel like I want jump in my car and drive around the country for a few months. I want to get out. I miss having adventures. If you don't have any responsibilities besides yourself, then why not. If you're good at what you do I'm sure they would give you a 3 month leave, or let you work remote on the road. I did it when I was 27. No ragrets. Bought an RV and saw 36 states in around…

I have a girlfriend/soon to be wife that can't really go with me and I'd feel really bad stepping out of her life for a few months.

I guess it could be something where I take a few months off and do a few days at home and then a week or so on the road and then a few days at home, etc.