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Ask HN: Are you ok?

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Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#321

Post by tasogare »

phdchat wrote: post #269
tasogare wrote: post #206

Situation degraded over the time. I'm a beginning PhD student in a small lab in a top university of the country I live. Basically every of my projects have been cancelled. A paper I was writing and cared about for a small conference too. I'm forced to write something for a really hard conference about something that's not my idea on a topic I don't care. I have a "special" treatment: I have to point most of the work…

May I ask in which school are you studying?

Sorry but no. You may be my professor :p

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#322

Post by q5jwB6bD »

sho wrote: post #121

Before reading the other comments: hm, not really, things could be better After reading: My life is fantastic and I'm never going to complain ever again

Yep, sometimes the grass is really NOT greener on the other side. You may think you are in a bad spot but others have it much worse. All we can do is help them and hope that they can help us when its our turn to be in a truly bad state.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#323

Post by ur-whale »

satokema wrote: post #162

Nth-ing no social life and the related whines. I hate the mild feeling of discomfort I get when I tell most people I'm a software engineer. I hate having eclectic or traditional "nerdy" interests and getting a similar reaction. I've been enjoying Classic, and I have a small online circle for the niche games/music/art I like. I hate that I like these things in spite of the detriment to my social benefit to liking them…

I can relate.

The existential dread you're experiencing is not your fault: normies will bore you to death 99% of the time.

Remedy: find yourself people like yourself and start spending time with them.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#324

Post by zanny »

theossuary wrote: post #183

I'm transgender and have struggled with it my entire life. I spent years using drugs to cope; I'm sober now but feel like it's too late to make any changes. I also work as a contractor, so expressing myself feels dangerous, I worry it'd be harder to get new client work. I'm doing well professionally, but it all feels hollow and pointless. Like I'm just running in place till I keel over. Thanks for asking, it helps to…

> I spent years using drugs to cope

If you spent years using drugs to cope, wouldn't your transition be over by now? Oh, wrong drugs...

I actually recently discovered theres a whole transDIY thing on Reddit. It never even occurred to me that even for F2Ms with Testosterone being a steroid they aren't highly controlled substances and thus its rarely illegal to buy them online.

All the sex hormones / blockers are pretty damn expensive though.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#325

Post by goobynight »

natalyarostova wrote: post #277
satokema wrote: post #162

Nth-ing no social life and the related whines. I hate the mild feeling of discomfort I get when I tell most people I'm a software engineer. I hate having eclectic or traditional "nerdy" interests and getting a similar reaction. I've been enjoying Classic, and I have a small online circle for the niche games/music/art I like. I hate that I like these things in spite of the detriment to my social benefit to liking them…

>I hate the mild feeling of discomfort I get when I tell most people I'm a software engineer. Why do you feel discomfort? The only reason I do is because of a sense of guilt, because it implies I make far more money than the person I'm usually telling who is making small talk with me.

I'd wager that's the reason. People can't relate to it. Not even close.

I'm not scraping by in my early twenties with a futon trying to bust into a career with a full year's salary in student loan debt. I immediately started making what many people make at the tail end of what they'd call a good career. All while coming in just about whenever I feel like it.

My life is a joke in comparison and it's just a coincidence that I landed in it. Same with other guys I know. They happened to like something, such as making Quake mods and then stumbled into making 200k/year in 35hr per week, with maybe half of that 35 being YAML engineering.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#326

Post by seamyb88 »

I am the most OK I have ever been, and it's largely to do with being a programmer/nerd/scientist. I struggle with work/life balance, but only because I enjoy working so much that it's difficult to tell where life begins and work ends.

I'm final year PhD, so I'm not earning much. The reason for my happiness is very much the space I am given to work, the nature of the work (post-quantum cryptography) and not having a toxic working environment (which I've had before).

If your toxic boss was your toxic friend, you would still feel that dread you get when waking up for work, when going for coffee or chilling out with that friend. Don't put up with it just because your boss friend pays you. Be as cheeky and as ignorant as you can get away with. Teach the bastard a lesson. If you get fired, be even cheekier and make a fool of them in front of the entire staff. I was 16 when I was working under a toxic boss and I didn't have the gumption to do this. I wish I had.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#327

Post by agumonkey »

klenwell wrote: post #11

As a team lead, one question I always ask in my 1-on-1's: On a scale of 1-5 (low good, high bad), what's your stress level since we last met? If my teammate says 4 or 5, I ask what we can do to bring it down to a 3. We also address this as part of the simple assessment we do in each sprint retrospective. My company struggles to define meaningful KPIs and OKRs. This is the one that's most important to me.

Would it be ok for you to share :

    - common sources of stress
    - common tricks to solve them

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#328

Post by Afton »

kraftman wrote: post #172
klenwell wrote: post #11

As a team lead, one question I always ask in my 1-on-1's: On a scale of 1-5 (low good, high bad), what's your stress level since we last met? If my teammate says 4 or 5, I ask what we can do to bring it down to a 3. We also address this as part of the simple assessment we do in each sprint retrospective. My company struggles to define meaningful KPIs and OKRs. This is the one that's most important to me.

> If my teammate says 4 or 5, I ask what we can do to bring it down to a 3. Why not 1? Is the only way to work effectively to be moderately stressed?

Actually, yes.

https://www.google.com/search?q=stress+productivity+curve

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#329

Post by nwalker85 »

jayshua wrote: post #284
teppifk wrote: post #235

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I hate the mild feeling of discomfort I get when I tell most people I'm a software engineer. Most software engineers have a healthy circle of friends and social life. > I hate having eclectic or traditional "nerdy" interests and getting a similar reaction. It's not any different when an electrician, lawyer or a doctor wants to talk shop. Most people you will interact with don't have the same interests as you. > I h…

To add to this comment, if you find you do in fact want to make a change, one way to help accomplish that change is through the Future Authoring Program [1]. It's basically a writing exercise where you write out what your life will be like in a few years if you make all of the changes you are thinking about. Then you write out what your life will be like if you don't make any changes at all. After that you have somet…

I cannot recommend the selfauthoring program enough.

Re: Ask HN: Are you ok?

#330

Post by gbrown »

theanine wrote: post #55

Thanks for asking. Not really, and it's 100% work-related. I dread coming in to work and it's given me awful anxiety that's turned into occasional passive suicidal ideation. Once I leave work, I feel like a totally different person and all the symptoms disappear. My boss calls me stupid, incompetent, r*tarded, and "like you have part of your brain missing". He grills me on literally everything I do, like why I'm gett…

One thing you can consider (in the US): quit and file for unemployment benefits - it's a hostile work environment, so youre entitled to this. That would give you some cushion while searching for a new job.
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