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The divorce rate has fallen because the demographics of marriage have changed

theatlantic.com

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Re: The divorce rate has fallen because the demographics of marriage have changed

#81

Post by hackeraccount »

t0mbstone wrote: post #74
rubidium wrote: post #19

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Main reason for government recognition is taxes, healthcare situations, common property ownership, and kids. There's laws that take into account if two people are married or now.

Just so you know, there isn't always a tax break for being married, unless one of the partners is making significantly less than the other or is a stay at home parent. In many cases, you can actually save more money by filing separately, and instead of getting legally married, just become "domestic partners". Health insurance treats domestic partners just like spouses (so you can still add each other to the primary p…

That sounds great.

I went to a wedding recently and it made me think about my marriage and the thought that occurred to me was how insanely dependent I've become to my wife. It's like I've cut off a leg, given it to someone and said "Yeah, you use that and just give me a hand whenever I need to hop around."

Honestly that's not the weird part for me though. The weird part is that this woman I depend on so much surprises me so much. I've known her for 20 years. Almost every night I got to sleep knowing I can just reach over and she'll be there. And still she'll say something and I'll think - How can she believe that? Or she'll do something and I'll wish I was that kind. Or be happy I'm not so stubborn. :-)

Re: The divorce rate has fallen because the demographics of marriage have changed

#82

Post by kmcb »

docbrown wrote: post #24
kmcb wrote: post #2

Could part of the reason be that online dating pairs people who are more suitable for each other? There are less people just settling, to start a family. Some of those who, in the past, found someone who had just settled for them. May find it more difficult to find someone, willing to do that.

>Could part of the reason be that online dating pairs people who are more suitable for each other? I’d want a source on this because an algorithm matching people does not seem to be the most effective. yes there are special occasions where lifetime partners have met online but I don’t think online dating is the sole purpose behind the decline of marriage. Currently waiting for class to start so I can’t search for a l…

DocB

I never presented this as scientific fact, nor based on the algorithms. I agree with akavi comment on your post. That has been my experience.

KMCB

Re: The divorce rate has fallen because the demographics of marriage have changed

#83

Post by michaelgrafl »

pcmaffey wrote: post #40
jrace wrote: post #16

A question I have is...why marriage at all? Is there a reason I need the government to recognize the union between my and my SO?

I used to parrot about marriage - "license and registration are for cars." But, getting married (after 7yrs with SO) had 2 powerful effects: 1. The power of social contract as a signal to family, friends, society etc is huge. It's also really nice to celebrate with loved ones. There's not enough ceremony in our lives as it is... 2. The power of agreement with SO had an immensely positive impact on our relationship. W…

In general I still feel a bit uneasy with the way the signing of a pretty substantial contract between to people entering an official partnership is given a sentimental air to make it seem less rational, but this was my experience as well.

I'm not saying you have to get married to make a relationship feel serious and long-term-ish, but it certainly enforces that feeling.

Re: The divorce rate has fallen because the demographics of marriage have changed

#84

Post by michaelgrafl »

t0mbstone wrote: post #74
rubidium wrote: post #19

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Main reason for government recognition is taxes, healthcare situations, common property ownership, and kids. There's laws that take into account if two people are married or now.

Just so you know, there isn't always a tax break for being married, unless one of the partners is making significantly less than the other or is a stay at home parent. In many cases, you can actually save more money by filing separately, and instead of getting legally married, just become "domestic partners". Health insurance treats domestic partners just like spouses (so you can still add each other to the primary p…

That sounds great. But I couldn't do that with my wife, because we're both terrible with paperwork and planning. My wife even refuses to use a digital calendar, for example, as well as anything involving receipts or basic algebra. And its not that she doesn't pull her own weight, she's just insane.

I'm in Europe, so most of my friends with children aren't actually married. They know what you wrote above. Most of them still get married at some point, because it's an effective way to reinforce the internalized relationship status by externalizing it, which is in general is valuable to long-term couples.

Re: The divorce rate has fallen because the demographics of marriage have changed

#85

Post by ropiwqefjnpoa »

Maultasche wrote: post #78
ropiwqefjnpoa wrote: post #60

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Many people view marriage as just a religious function, but it's really a legal one. It's why you have the "power vested in me" by whatever is the governmental law authority of the area.

In Germany, marriage is viewed by the state as only a legal function. You must have a civil ceremony at a government office to make your marriage legal. Religious ceremonies are not legal marriages. After the civil ceremony (if you want to) you can have a separate religious ceremony. Many people now just do the civil ceremony and skip the religious ceremony. It was interesting to see all the couples outside the gover…

Same in Colombia

Re: The divorce rate has fallen because the demographics of marriage have changed

#86

Post by thefz »

jrace wrote: post #16

A question I have is...why marriage at all? Is there a reason I need the government to recognize the union between my and my SO?

My country has just started recognizing de-facto couples the same as married ones. There are some cases in which it is useful to know that a close partner or loved one exists, such as admittance to the ospital room if one is sick or hurt, succession rights, and so on.

Re: The divorce rate has fallen because the demographics of marriage have changed

#87

Post by thefz »

033803throwaway wrote: post #27

Marriage is a wonderful institution and the children that come from it are the greatest gift you can be given. Our culture tells us the opposite. But our culture is insane and wants you to be an isolated, rootless, consumer wage slave.

Thanks to higher education, a lot of people now have realized that their own life is worth living beyond the two catholic-born axioms of family and succession, and are looking to experience their whole existence just for themselves. There's no mega corporation or consumerism involved, just lucid realization of one's own aspirations and desires.

Re: The divorce rate has fallen because the demographics of marriage have changed

#88

Post by blaser-waffle »

033803throwaway wrote: post #27

Marriage is a wonderful institution and the children that come from it are the greatest gift you can be given. Our culture tells us the opposite. But our culture is insane and wants you to be an isolated, rootless, consumer wage slave.

>But our culture is insane and wants you to be an isolated, rootless, consumer wage slave

See also: Jihad vs. McWorld by Barber, it is essentially a discussion of that phenomenon. Forcing everyone into a consumer role is liberating in some ways if you're someone who never had those rights (dalits in India, housewives in the West), but now you're just another wage slave competing against everyone else for their slice of the profits.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jihad_vs._McWorld

Re: The divorce rate has fallen because the demographics of marriage have changed

#89

Post by perl4ever »

cheeseomlit wrote: post #66
telesilla wrote: post #64

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>Children born out of wedlock and/or raised by single parents This statement is a bit old-fashioned I think? Most of my friends with children/long-term relationships never married because where I come from there is no benefit to do so, a legal status is offered in kind (de facto partnership). Marriage has become something quaint and mostly considered a waste of money when house prices etc are demanding down-payments…

Of course, it's more about having parents with a stable relationship raising their kids together than it is having some certificate from the government. It's just one of those societal carrots/sticks that encourages those kinds of relationships

There is a reason that the villain is always the "wicked stepmother/father" in fairy tales. If you punish single parents (widow(ers), divorcees) economically, and encourage remarrying, you could increase the rate of abuse.
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