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Anxiety Looks Different in Men

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Re: Anxiety Looks Different in Men

#11

Post by [deleted] »

jdsfighter wrote: post #9
gavia1 wrote: post #2

This surprises me as a male who suffers from anxiety and exhibits none of these symptoms. To be more specific my anxiety manifests as a feeling of unease, sometimes fear; and at times blends in with OCD where I become unsure of my short term memory and whether or not something did or did not happen.

I was only recently diagnosed with anxiety after spending thousands and thousands on an emergency room visit and visits to a cardiologist, and I work for a healthcare company with free access to GPs! I had a variety of symptoms and none of them immediately seemed to shout "anxiety" to my physicians. I was given dozens of blood screenings, X-Rays, CT Scans, EKGs, Echocardiograms, stress tests, sleep studies, only to b…

[deleted]

Re: Anxiety Looks Different in Men

#12

Post by koboll »

jdsfighter wrote: post #9
gavia1 wrote: post #2

This surprises me as a male who suffers from anxiety and exhibits none of these symptoms. To be more specific my anxiety manifests as a feeling of unease, sometimes fear; and at times blends in with OCD where I become unsure of my short term memory and whether or not something did or did not happen.

I was only recently diagnosed with anxiety after spending thousands and thousands on an emergency room visit and visits to a cardiologist, and I work for a healthcare company with free access to GPs! I had a variety of symptoms and none of them immediately seemed to shout "anxiety" to my physicians. I was given dozens of blood screenings, X-Rays, CT Scans, EKGs, Echocardiograms, stress tests, sleep studies, only to b…

Had almost exactly the same problem, down to identical symptoms -- same side of my body, etc.

My guess it that it's due to some supplements I was taking years ago (chiefly 5-HTP and magnesium) causing chest pain and/or heart palpitations, and the experience of that etching trauma into my psyche in a way that makes me experience physical symptoms. The worst part is that it feeds on itself, until I was sitting on a sidewalk having a panic attack causing massive hyperventilation and crushing chest pain, certain I was having a heart attack, barely able to dial 911.

Unfortunately it took $8000 in hospital bills from multiple emergency room visits to figure this out.

Re: Anxiety Looks Different in Men

#13

Post by impeachTheIdiot »

mwfunk wrote: post #5
monksy wrote: post #3

That's because as men: We aren't allowed to be a worrier, anxious, etc. We're expected to be confident and assertive. If we aren't then we possibly suffer rejection in relationships and we get socially isolated.

I don’t think that’s true. Some women like extremely assertive guys, but most don’t. Acting super insecure is a turn off, but acting super confident isn’t a turn on. The “be more confident!” advice that most guys have heard really means, “don’t act super nervous and insecure, just be yourself, even if you think you’re boring.” And to all the guys thinking, “but if I’m just myself, nobody likes me.” Well, that’s proba…

You know there is a difference between what people say and mean. Maybe people should communicate more clearly than blame someone else for not understanding.

Also, where are you getting the numbers about a woman’s preference?

Re: Anxiety Looks Different in Men

#14

Post by skypanther »

gavia1 wrote: post #2

This surprises me as a male who suffers from anxiety and exhibits none of these symptoms. To be more specific my anxiety manifests as a feeling of unease, sometimes fear; and at times blends in with OCD where I become unsure of my short term memory and whether or not something did or did not happen.

It describes my symptoms - anger, lashing out, sleep issues. Meds have helped enormously.

Re: Anxiety Looks Different in Men

#15

Post by swamy_g »

psweber wrote: post #6

Many anxious men (and women) aren't suffering from an anxiety disorder. Their anxiety is a perfectly reasonable response to the life they are living. I'm fine with therapy, meditation, and medication as long as they aren't used as tools to make it bearable to stay in a bad situation.

Well said. Anxiety is sometimes a signal that there's an underlying imbalance in your life. Just like you start tearing up when you feel sad. Crying isn't bad in that scenario.

Anxiety works similarly. You gotta start asking yourself, why am I feeling anxious? Where could my life be out of balance?

Re: Anxiety Looks Different in Men

#16

Post by fwip »

monksy wrote: post #3

That's because as men: We aren't allowed to be a worrier, anxious, etc. We're expected to be confident and assertive. If we aren't then we possibly suffer rejection in relationships and we get socially isolated.

Similarly, men often don't have the emotional support structures that women do.

Speaking anecdotally, women confide in their friends much more readily and about more serious topics - the kind of topic that men might take 4 drinks to get up the nerve to address. Men aren't "allowed" to be emotionally vulnerable around anyone except their most trusted confidantes, which often ends up being their girlfriend or wife. And if it's not something you feel like you can discuss with her, then it gets bottled up without an outlet.

Re: Anxiety Looks Different in Men

#17

Post by [deleted] »

mwfunk wrote: post #5
monksy wrote: post #3

That's because as men: We aren't allowed to be a worrier, anxious, etc. We're expected to be confident and assertive. If we aren't then we possibly suffer rejection in relationships and we get socially isolated.

I don’t think that’s true. Some women like extremely assertive guys, but most don’t. Acting super insecure is a turn off, but acting super confident isn’t a turn on. The “be more confident!” advice that most guys have heard really means, “don’t act super nervous and insecure, just be yourself, even if you think you’re boring.” And to all the guys thinking, “but if I’m just myself, nobody likes me.” Well, that’s proba…

[deleted]

Re: Anxiety Looks Different in Men

#18

Post by nxc18 »

jdsfighter wrote: post #9
gavia1 wrote: post #2

This surprises me as a male who suffers from anxiety and exhibits none of these symptoms. To be more specific my anxiety manifests as a feeling of unease, sometimes fear; and at times blends in with OCD where I become unsure of my short term memory and whether or not something did or did not happen.

I was only recently diagnosed with anxiety after spending thousands and thousands on an emergency room visit and visits to a cardiologist, and I work for a healthcare company with free access to GPs! I had a variety of symptoms and none of them immediately seemed to shout "anxiety" to my physicians. I was given dozens of blood screenings, X-Rays, CT Scans, EKGs, Echocardiograms, stress tests, sleep studies, only to b…

Similar situation. I kept going to the doctors for a while, but they insist everything is fine.

I’ve got anxiety in general, but also some more specific health anxiety from a history of being obese. I’ve fixed the issue now, but the statistical reason to believe that _this time_ there’s actually something wrong doesn’t help the anxiety.

I spend a lot of time convincing myself that yes, I can in fact breathe right now, and no, I’m not actively dying of a heart attack. Very stressful situation

Re: Anxiety Looks Different in Men

#19

Post by dkarl »

mwfunk wrote: post #5
monksy wrote: post #3

That's because as men: We aren't allowed to be a worrier, anxious, etc. We're expected to be confident and assertive. If we aren't then we possibly suffer rejection in relationships and we get socially isolated.

I don’t think that’s true. Some women like extremely assertive guys, but most don’t. Acting super insecure is a turn off, but acting super confident isn’t a turn on. The “be more confident!” advice that most guys have heard really means, “don’t act super nervous and insecure, just be yourself, even if you think you’re boring.” And to all the guys thinking, “but if I’m just myself, nobody likes me.” Well, that’s proba…

"Don't be nervous and insecure" is exactly the message that tells men they aren't allowed to be anxious. What is insecurity except fear that your self will be judged and rejected? To "just be yourself" without being "nervous and insecure" means projecting confidence and hiding any anxiety that your self will be judged and rejected.

I.e., if you have any anxiety, hide it, deal with it internally, because showing it isn't acceptable behavior for a man.

Edit/P.S.: Now, I don't think you're 100% wrong; I think you just accidentally highlighted how difficult this is. There are different ways of expressing anxiety, and they aren't all equally off-putting. There can also be nuance in what kinds of feelings are appropriate to show to strangers versus friends and intimate partners. But it's a plain fact that many people judge men for hiding anxiety without honestly examining their own responses to it. Many people do exactly what you do, stigmatizing the appearance of anxiety on one hand while judging people for hiding it on the other.

Re: Anxiety Looks Different in Men

#20

Post by malcolmgreaves »

monksy wrote: post #3

That's because as men: We aren't allowed to be a worrier, anxious, etc. We're expected to be confident and assertive. If we aren't then we possibly suffer rejection in relationships and we get socially isolated.

This is a pretty good explanation of a large aspect of what falls under the concept dubbed "toxic masculinity."
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