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A new study of rudeness in the workplace

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Re: A new study of rudeness in the workplace

#51

Post by sidlls »

mharroun wrote: post #17
usefulcat wrote: post #15

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>I will note that although I have never met an asshole who was a top performer, I have met many who were convinced that they were. Definitely this. I find that insecurity also correlates strongly with the above description.

So what do you label someone who does most of the work while other contribute little to nothing? How to they profess that and not be labeled an asshole?

Depends. Sometimes such a person is on a team of juniors or truly inferior colleagues. I've seen the former a few times but never the latter. Sometimes, and more often in my experience, such a person simply thinks they're superior, they take much more than they should or can, and make every one else's job harder.

In the case where the individual truly is more talented they don't need to profess it aggressively. It will be quite clear in feedback from colleagues to their boss and by the quality of the their output.

Re: A new study of rudeness in the workplace

#52

Post by dang »

mharroun wrote: post #45
trabant00 wrote: post #27

I'm quite often rude to others at work and I freely admit it. Reason: ofc I feel I am justified to be so. Just like everybody else I feel I am right. I am not rude to everybody. Just people who don't want to carry their weight but want an equal share of the pie. I am rude to Project "Managers" who only assign story points in jira. To product owners who always side with the external client and dump the technical team…

You got down voted by the hamster wheel engineers here. The reality is there is two types of engineers: - those how give zero shit about there company or product and use their currtent job as a platform the jump the their next job with zero care given about how it trufly effects the person paying them. (aka we NEED kubrentes, SPA, mircoservices, ect). - and engineers who care about being REAL engineers... and providi…

This comment breaks the site guidelines. Would you mind reviewing them and using HN as intended?

https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html

Re: A new study of rudeness in the workplace

#53

Post by _8j50 »

stallmanite wrote: post #50
_8j50 wrote: post #49

Question: I may not verbally greet people I don't directly work with or interact with. Is that considered rude? I am just not a good small talker,but I am not sure if my intention with small things like this will be misunderstood.

Stack Overflow has a “workplace” topic that is great for this kind of question.

I don't really use SO but thanks. I thought it was on topic for the post,my apologies.

Re: A new study of rudeness in the workplace

#54

Post by quakingaspen »

insickness wrote: post #43

I'm generally friendly with people at work but I've noticed that there is a strange inverse in kindness to people's response to my kindness. When I'm more terse, they respond kinder. When I'm kind, they tend to be more terse. For example, if they ask a question and I give a longer, more friendly response like, "No, I don't know the answer to that question. That's not really my department." They may just respond with,…

Huh that's a cool observation. I think there might be more ambiguity there though. For example, I could (and in my case would probably) also interpret the second response as not being "friendly" exactly but as defensive and irritated. Only someone who is worried about being regarded as inferior or believes that you're acting superior would make that kind of overly demonstrative response. A peer would probably just echo your tone and just say "Ok". Not saying you should psychoanalyze too much or that your interpretation is wrong but be on the lookout (especially via written communication) for when kindness isn't actually kindness, but deference or defensiveness.

Re: A new study of rudeness in the workplace

#55

Post by __s »

rfrey wrote: post #13

In 25 years of working in the software industry, I have never witnessed somebody's assholity defended by their performance. I have also never encountered... NEVER encountered... an asshole who was also a top performer. In contrast, the top 7 performers I can think of off the top of my head were to a person kind, generous with their knowledge, patient with those less talented, and generally Good People, both to work w…

> I will note that although I have never met an asshole who was a top performer, I have met many who were convinced that they were.

I thought I was an asshole, but then when I read descriptions of assholes vs descriptions of not-assholes I think I fall under the latter

Re: A new study of rudeness in the workplace

#56

Post by ThrowawayR2 »

mharroun wrote: post #28
jdnenej wrote: post #24

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You are either involved in hiring and can remove useless people or you are not and shouldn't care what others are doing.

Im the executive who oversees all of UI/UX, Product, QA, Devops, and Engineering. This is one of the core aspects of my job hence its my job to care and puts me the fair position of giving a top down view of such issues. edit: wow down voted into oblivion over this... I came for a reasonable debate. Its super clear now why "rude" people rule and all the passive aggressive do is down vote me over a reply.

Just trying to be helpful but mentioning getting downvoted attracts additional downvotes, in part because it is also against the site guidelines (2nd from the last one).

Re: A new study of rudeness in the workplace

#57

Post by siddharth-v »

I've been working in a small team for a while now, and even in this small group I've encountered rudeness in a way that I've never seen before. I'm generally very friendly with people, but being at the receiving end of someones rude behavior takes a toll on you mentally. Combine this with the fact that the bosses don't know how to control their employees behavior, and you have a toxic workplace.

Re: A new study of rudeness in the workplace

#58

Post by nexus2045 »

trabant00 wrote: post #27

I'm quite often rude to others at work and I freely admit it. Reason: ofc I feel I am justified to be so. Just like everybody else I feel I am right. I am not rude to everybody. Just people who don't want to carry their weight but want an equal share of the pie. I am rude to Project "Managers" who only assign story points in jira. To product owners who always side with the external client and dump the technical team…

To play devil's advocate a little bit contrary to what other people have commented: you being rude is just an efficient way of filtering out unnecessary interactions and social niceties. If you were polite like everyone else, then you end up wasting more time with watercooler chit-chat and having to maintain all these subtle relationships. If what you're doing works for you, then by all means, as long as you are conveying useful information and not actually insulting other people.

Re: A new study of rudeness in the workplace

#59

Post by ebcode »

insickness wrote: post #43

I'm generally friendly with people at work but I've noticed that there is a strange inverse in kindness to people's response to my kindness. When I'm more terse, they respond kinder. When I'm kind, they tend to be more terse. For example, if they ask a question and I give a longer, more friendly response like, "No, I don't know the answer to that question. That's not really my department." They may just respond with,…

I like your ad-hoc verbal experimentation. It reminds me of a study awhile back, something about how we use rhythm in our communication to keep things flowing. Along with the subtle power dynamics of short and long responses, there seems to be a human need to have some minimum amount of communication in an interaction to keep us from perceiving it as unpleasant.

Re: A new study of rudeness in the workplace

#60

Post by SlayAe »

rfrey wrote: post #13

In 25 years of working in the software industry, I have never witnessed somebody's assholity defended by their performance. I have also never encountered... NEVER encountered... an asshole who was also a top performer. In contrast, the top 7 performers I can think of off the top of my head were to a person kind, generous with their knowledge, patient with those less talented, and generally Good People, both to work w…

How do you know that you don't recognize the achievments of assholes because you dont like them?

I mean, I find it very natural that one would overestimate the qualities of the people he likes, und understimate those of who he dislikes.

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