A new study of rudeness in the workplace • Hacker News Board

Re: A new study of rudeness in the workplace

#41

Post by zingermc » Sun, Jul 28, 2019, 11:25 PM UTC

trabant00 wrote: post #27

I'm quite often rude to others at work and I freely admit it. Reason: ofc I feel I am justified to be so. Just like everybody else I feel I am right. I am not rude to everybody. Just people who don't want to carry their weight but want an equal share of the pie. I am rude to Project "Managers" who only assign story points in jira. To product owners who always side with the external client and dump the technical team…

There's really no excuse for being rude in the workplace. Please get help instead of trying to justify it.

If multiple people have made HR complaints "behind your back", you are not competently performing your job. (This directly affects your claimed 3X performance because you drag down your coworkers.)

Re: A new study of rudeness in the workplace

#42

Post by zingermc » Sun, Jul 28, 2019, 11:38 PM UTC

guitarbill wrote: post #10

singron wrote: post #6

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Almost nobody is rude directly after you hire them ... No, it's more likely the environment or team is dysfunctional and rudeness is a manifestation I think this can be true, but new hires might just behave differently because they are new, and any changes are reversion to the mean. E.g. new hires are excited to start their new job, don't have responsibilities yet, are trying to impress their colleagues, etc.

What stops anybody from fostering that attitude further into their careers? People should be given opportunities for new project and be excited to do the work... unless they already know it's going to be a shit show (impossible deadlines, clueless management, etc). If switching jobs induces such good behaviours initially, what does that say about the previous job? Again, not trying to defend people who are truly rude…

People can inhibit their negative behavior when they are trying to get people to like them and gain social status. If they feel empowered by having some status or a promotion, they may begin to "punch down".

Re: A new study of rudeness in the workplace

#43

Post by insickness » Sun, Jul 28, 2019, 11:43 PM UTC

I'm generally friendly with people at work but I've noticed that there is a strange inverse in kindness to people's response to my kindness. When I'm more terse, they respond kinder. When I'm kind, they tend to be more terse.

For example, if they ask a question and I give a longer, more friendly response like, "No, I don't know the answer to that question. That's not really my department." They may just respond with, "Ok." But if I respond with something more terse like, "Don't know," they will respond with, "Ok, no problem. I'll figure it out."

Re: A new study of rudeness in the workplace

#44

Post by vivekd » Sun, Jul 28, 2019, 11:51 PM UTC

mharroun wrote: post #2

How do you define being rude? From what I read and experienced in my career the real reason "rude" people get away with what they are doing is simple. They tend to be top or above average performers who don't like when co-workers who are sub par are treated and rewarded as their equals. I have met many sub-par workers who love to throw around the word "toxic" to define and attack such people. I have seen such "rude"…

>management says he or she is an ahole but do the most work and everything they say os true

Now the question is whether management has a clear picture of what is happening on the floor. Do they know who the top performers are or is management just taking whining and anti social behaviour as a false marker of diligence and competence. In my experience it is more often the later. A-holes tend to be better at sucking up and managing up rather than actually being good at the task.

Re: A new study of rudeness in the workplace

#45

Post by mharroun » Mon, Jul 29, 2019, 12:28 AM UTC

trabant00 wrote: post #27

I'm quite often rude to others at work and I freely admit it. Reason: ofc I feel I am justified to be so. Just like everybody else I feel I am right. I am not rude to everybody. Just people who don't want to carry their weight but want an equal share of the pie. I am rude to Project "Managers" who only assign story points in jira. To product owners who always side with the external client and dump the technical team…

You got down voted by the hamster wheel engineers here.

The reality is there is two types of engineers:

- those how give zero shit about there company or product and use their currtent job as a platform the jump the their next job with zero care given about how it trufly effects the person paying them. (aka we NEED kubrentes, SPA, mircoservices, ect).

- and engineers who care about being REAL engineers... and providing the best technical solutions to the companies issues and/or problems.

One track leads to lead, manager, director, VP, CTO, and the other leads to a dead end bitching how management (aka those who give a fuck about hitting business goals) have more power then the spoiled self centered engineers who are mad the company wont pick the next flavor of the month tech stack to help them into their next job.

Re: A new study of rudeness in the workplace

#46

Post by yuhe00 » Mon, Jul 29, 2019, 1:03 AM UTC

oceanghost wrote: post #35

Workplaces are a frappe of personality disorders and mental illness. People who were raised to be polite, people who weren't, and sprinkle in one psychopath and one or two sociopaths per one hundred people. Think about all the crazy people you've ever known? They all cause just as much trouble at work as in their personal lives, and they all have to work somewhere. Even relatively well-intentioned people are usually…

This is fair. I don't think anyone can claim they have never been disrespectful towards anyone in their life. People are sometimes unbearable and sometimes you are too. Learning to deal with your own and others crazy bullshit is a part of life and how you grow as a person.

Re: A new study of rudeness in the workplace

#47

Post by rongenre » Mon, Jul 29, 2019, 1:16 AM UTC

trabant00 wrote: post #27

I'm quite often rude to others at work and I freely admit it. Reason: ofc I feel I am justified to be so. Just like everybody else I feel I am right. I am not rude to everybody. Just people who don't want to carry their weight but want an equal share of the pie. I am rude to Project "Managers" who only assign story points in jira. To product owners who always side with the external client and dump the technical team…

Being rude to anyone is unkind, tech is a small world, and people remember.

Self-centered reason to cut it out: Sure, you might hand-pick your references for that dream job, but what happens when the hiring manager at said dream job checks out LinkedIn, notices that a college buddy worked with you, asks about you, and that was someone you were rude to.

Re: A new study of rudeness in the workplace

#48

Post by rongenre » Mon, Jul 29, 2019, 1:19 AM UTC

mharroun wrote: post #16

rfrey wrote: post #13

In 25 years of working in the software industry, I have never witnessed somebody's assholity defended by their performance. I have also never encountered... NEVER encountered... an asshole who was also a top performer. In contrast, the top 7 performers I can think of off the top of my head were to a person kind, generous with their knowledge, patient with those less talented, and generally Good People, both to work w…

To be clear there are under performing assholes just they usual get the ax quickly if management is competent. How would those 7 top performers act if placed alone in a situation of failure? Where its obvious the company is failing and is clear is certain individuals? Is it not "rude" to point that out? Or are we defining being rude or assholity differently? I personally seen many times people who push back or raise…

Save it for performance reviews. Be a professional.

Re: A new study of rudeness in the workplace

#49

Post by _8j50 » Mon, Jul 29, 2019, 1:23 AM UTC

Question: I may not verbally greet people I don't directly work with or interact with. Is that considered rude? I am just not a good small talker,but I am not sure if my intention with small things like this will be misunderstood.

Re: A new study of rudeness in the workplace

#50

Post by stallmanite » Mon, Jul 29, 2019, 1:46 AM UTC

_8j50 wrote: post #49

Question: I may not verbally greet people I don't directly work with or interact with. Is that considered rude? I am just not a good small talker,but I am not sure if my intention with small things like this will be misunderstood.

Stack Overflow has a “workplace” topic that is great for this kind of question.