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Ask HN: What have the past 12 months taught you?

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Re: Ask HN: What have the past 12 months taught you?

#81

Post by BigHatLogan »

AwesomeFaic wrote: post #13

I took a seemingly dull job for good, reliable pay and long-term prospects. I thought I was sacrificing personal interests for the sake of being a responsible adult, but in fact the income and generous work-life balance has given me more freedom to pursue outside interests than ever before. And the work isn't as dull as I expected.

That's great! I'm starting to view things through your lens as I get older--that work is more about setting up the foundation for the rest of your life instead of being the central focus of your life. I think if you can make it the central focus of your life and manage to succeed--however you define it--that's a wonderful thing, but there's also nothing wrong with taking, as you said, a "seemingly dull job", performing well at it, and then coming home and pursuing other interests. It doesn't sound as defeatist as it did when I was in my late teens and early 20's. It sounds practical and even somewhat motivating to me, that your work doesn't have to be this grand adventure. It can simply be a job that you show up on time to and perform well in, and then afterwards you can close your laptop and do something else.

Re: Ask HN: What have the past 12 months taught you?

#83

Post by mboekhoff »

kup0 wrote: post #15

I now know what true loss feels like. Lost my grandmother (who raised me and was a mother to me) about six months ago. Things have felt weird ever since, but I'm handling it better than I expected. It might be a different story once I feel comfortable starting to go through her things (I lived with and helped take care of her). I've gotten closer to some other family members since. I realized that I can handle more t…

I lost my mum just slightly over a year ago, so I know the feeling. And all I really can say is that I'm truly sorry for your loss and that I hope you can one day look back and remember the good things. I guess that's all that one can ask for when presented with situations like these.

Good luck with everything.

Re: Ask HN: What have the past 12 months taught you?

#84

Post by cableshaft »

BigHatLogan wrote: post #80

The main thing I learned is that there's no such thing as a perfect day. If you sit around and wait for it to come, you'll be waiting until they haul your corpse away. The truth is that things always come up, especially as you get older. You have to plan around uncertain events instead of planning for your day to go a certain way. Over the past few months both of my parents have been in and out of the hospital repeat…

This is basically describing exactly how I've been stuck at my current job that I hate for the past year, although instead of 'attending a lot of weddings' it's 'planning our wedding'. Something is always coming up, and I keep putting off doing what I need to do to prepare for and land that next job, especially with the insane technical quiz hurdles thrown up at pretty much every job interview nowadays.

At this point we're less than two months away from our wedding now, so I'm pretty much just saying "let's get past the wedding and then I can get the hell out of here". But that's still putting it off.

Re: Ask HN: What have the past 12 months taught you?

#85

Post by cableshaft »

aldoushuxley001 wrote: post #48
InvaderFizz wrote: post #46

Do you have lower back problems and digestive problems? They might be related, even if you have a MRI showing degenerative disc disease. Every time I "forget" that I'm lactose intolerant, I pay for it in the bathroom and in my lower back for the next few days, even if I use lactase enzyme pills. Keep away from all lactose for a week? Back is generally fine.

Have you tried overdosing on fermented foods? I thought I was allergic to so many foods, but I guess my gut ecosystem was just messed up. Eating loads of fermented foods everyday has allowed me to eat all the foods I thought I was allergic to again. Of course, varies per person, but it may help.

Which fermented foods do you overdose on when you go through this process?

Re: Ask HN: What have the past 12 months taught you?

#86

Post by maguirre »

AwesomeFaic wrote: post #13

I took a seemingly dull job for good, reliable pay and long-term prospects. I thought I was sacrificing personal interests for the sake of being a responsible adult, but in fact the income and generous work-life balance has given me more freedom to pursue outside interests than ever before. And the work isn't as dull as I expected.

I am exactly at this juncture and struggling to make a decision. I keep interviewing and rejecting reasonable (dull) offers.

Re: Ask HN: What have the past 12 months taught you?

#87

Post by BigHatLogan »

cableshaft wrote: post #84
BigHatLogan wrote: post #80

The main thing I learned is that there's no such thing as a perfect day. If you sit around and wait for it to come, you'll be waiting until they haul your corpse away. The truth is that things always come up, especially as you get older. You have to plan around uncertain events instead of planning for your day to go a certain way. Over the past few months both of my parents have been in and out of the hospital repeat…

This is basically describing exactly how I've been stuck at my current job that I hate for the past year, although instead of 'attending a lot of weddings' it's 'planning our wedding'. Something is always coming up, and I keep putting off doing what I need to do to prepare for and land that next job, especially with the insane technical quiz hurdles thrown up at pretty much every job interview nowadays. At this point…

First, congratulations on the wedding!

Yeah, exactly--you nailed it. The mind is incredibly capable of coming up with excuses to put things off. If you don't plan things out and come up with a schedule, then you'll inevitably find that the time has more or less slipped out of your grasp.

Today, it's, "I'll wait for the wedding."

Tomorrow, it's, "We just got married! I want to spend some time settling down!"

And so on and so forth.

Best of luck to us both.

Re: Ask HN: What have the past 12 months taught you?

#88

Post by ManuelKiessling »

astrodev wrote: post #75
trevyn wrote: post #63

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I assume there is something specific you’re not mentioning? In which case, I highly recommend paying for it — both sex and companionship.

> I assume there is something specific you’re not mentioning Yes, I'm shy, which is pretty much a universal deal-breaker.

Before you were a competitive dancer, you were not a competitive dancer.

Before you are not shy, you are shy.

Just as you‘ve learned to become a competitive dancer, you can learn to become a non-shy person.

The bad news is that it’s probably a lot of work. But so was becoming a competitive dancer, I assume.

Look for a professional who can professionally help you learn what you need to learn.

I‘m well aware that my comment might feel very arrogant. But I’m making it in a certain spirit: Long ago, someone told me that what we all really need is someone who tells us that we must do what we can do.

Re: Ask HN: What have the past 12 months taught you?

#89

Post by cableshaft »

astrodev wrote: post #75
trevyn wrote: post #63

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I assume there is something specific you’re not mentioning? In which case, I highly recommend paying for it — both sex and companionship.

> I assume there is something specific you’re not mentioning Yes, I'm shy, which is pretty much a universal deal-breaker.

I was super shy (still can be).

I had to make a concerted effort to put myself in social situations. I used Meetup.com and went to anything that looked remotely interesting in groups that had women in them for two straight years, and just kept showing up at groups and making small attempts at chit-chat until people started recognizing me and started inviting me to other things.

I slowly became a lot more comfortable talking to people I didn't already know well (I'm still not great at it, though). It led to a few dates (not as many as I was hoping, but some) and the whole process got me more comfortable around women that I met via other methods, like online dating. Eventually one of those decided to stick around and we're getting married in the next couple of months after dating for over four years.

It took a lot of time and energy though, time I previously would spend hacking away at personal projects (I still did them, just a lot less). My social circle shrunk quite a bit after we started dating for awhile and I stopped going to meetups regularly. But that was one of the main goals I had for attending them and it ended up being successful for me.

It's pretty funny, I'll tell people I know from these groups that I'm a shy guy and an introvert, and they'll tell me "What are you talking about? You seem pretty extroverted to me!" They never saw the years where I only had a few friends I hung out with regularly and had trouble speaking to anyone else, though.

If I could, I would have gone back in time and started the process way back in college (but it would have been school clubs then).

I don't know if something similar will work for you, but you might want to consider it. If there's already several people you see all the time, you might want to try meeting some strangers, as they don't already have preconceived notions of who you are. Part of my personality was re-inforced by my friend group, and it took meeting a whole new set of people to allow me to help rewrite those perceptions.

Re: Ask HN: What have the past 12 months taught you?

#90

Post by futureastronaut »

astrodev wrote: post #59

That despite being physically fit, at the very least decently looking, earning well, having interesting interests (such as doing a cool PhD and being a competitive dancer), despite having a decent social network and meeting lots of women, I will likely die a loveless virgin. It's unspeakably depressing.

You're probably being too picky. There are lots of women who would practically throw themselves at somebody like you describe, no matter how shy you are, if you faintly returned their interest. We all have our standards, but it's a bit disingenuous to claim that you're cursed to a lifetime of virginity.
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