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The Loneliness Epidemic

melmagazine.com

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Re: The Loneliness Epidemic

#291

Post by major505 »

swiley wrote: post #188
astura wrote: post #135

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I met my husband less than a decade ago in a bar. I still talk to strangers in bars now too. Its not any more creepy to socialize with strangers in bars now than it was in the past, as long as you respect boundaries and aren't a creep about it. The vast majority of people still meet their partners through "traditional" means, very, very few meet through sites and apps. And when I say "very, very few" I'm talking less…

I think he meant buying the drink is creepy. I go to bars on occasion and meet women my age and younger, but I've never bought them a drink because I feel the same way (although I don't think they expect it either.) Starting the conversation is hard and it can be very difficult to tell if they really want to talk before they do, I guess that's part of why you want a good bartender because they'll usually start conver…

Welll you just dont walk straing in. You first exchange glances, see if shes alone, whatt shes drinking (soft drinks, hard licor, beer, some fancy cocktail) and judge something about her personality, if you think you have a chance, then you pay for a drink, or just straigth hit her with something, in my case somthing dumb like "Hey, how much a polar bear weigths? Enougth to break the ice!".

What I think is creep is some stranger who straigup knows your name, your face, and can just as easy starting to virtual stalking your life and find out where you live.

Fucking hating online dating solutions like tinder.... really not good talker on line, without seeing the person face to face.

Re: The Loneliness Epidemic

#292

Post by evilolive »

davidw wrote: post #139

I miss the social aspects of living in Italy. It just felt easier to connect with people there. People are kind of weird and standoffish here in the US, and in some cases feel a bit fake. If you ask if someone wants to grab a beer (or spritz/wine/whatever) in Italy, and they respond enthusiastically, it seems there's a good chance they'll try and make it happen.

Americans are non-confrontational to a fault, sometimes they'll feign excitement about future plans to avoid "being negative" while you're asking. all the while having no intention to go through (and the defensive body language that goes with). It takes a bit to get used to

Re: The Loneliness Epidemic

#293

Post by major505 »

AdrianB1 wrote: post #207
peteey wrote: post #108

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Offering strangers liquid drugs in hopes of "some action" was probably creepy back in the day too. Alcohol and hookup culture are not mutually exclusive to loneliness.

Offering a drink in a bar was never creepy when I was younger. Offering a home-made drink that nobody but you knows what's in it, that is creepy. Calling a gin tonic "liquid drugs" is grotesque in the context.

Yeah.... thas weird.... but I sure could go for a gin tonica...

here in brasil people usually don't drink fancy stuff, like pink blueberry, or things like that.

Usually beer, straith licor or things like vodka/cachaça with fruits.

I just drink fancy girly stuff like Daiquiris when I in the mood to learn a new drink, and can drink in peace without other people to judge my frail masculinity.

Re: The Loneliness Epidemic

#294

Post by major505 »

peteey wrote: post #108
major505 wrote: post #73

Really. I think the big problem here is social networks. Nobody interact face to face.I used to go to bars , look for a pretty girl and pay her a drink to start a conversation. Nowdays this is considered creep. They expect that I download an app, wait for a match ans just goeet for a quick chat and maybe some action. Just turn of your computers and go to a bar. Interact to people. Start conversations with stranger pe…

Offering strangers liquid drugs in hopes of "some action" was probably creepy back in the day too. Alcohol and hookup culture are not mutually exclusive to loneliness.

You sure need some drugs to loose a little.

Re: The Loneliness Epidemic

#295

Post by stallmanite »

Kaiyou wrote: post #100
tonyedgecombe wrote: post #39

Earlier quoted context omitted.

How sad.

Experience has taught me, that nothing good comes from opening the door for unexpected guests. Though, I also neither know the names nor the faces of my neighbors living in the same house as me.

I’m quite good friends with 4/5 of my neighbors. It’d still be rude of me to just knock on their door when I could easily text first to make sure they’re dressed/in the mood for company.

If it matters I’m 40 and they run from 50-70 in age.

Re: The Loneliness Epidemic

#296

Post by major505 »

swiley wrote: post #188
astura wrote: post #135

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I met my husband less than a decade ago in a bar. I still talk to strangers in bars now too. Its not any more creepy to socialize with strangers in bars now than it was in the past, as long as you respect boundaries and aren't a creep about it. The vast majority of people still meet their partners through "traditional" means, very, very few meet through sites and apps. And when I say "very, very few" I'm talking less…

I think he meant buying the drink is creepy. I go to bars on occasion and meet women my age and younger, but I've never bought them a drink because I feel the same way (although I don't think they expect it either.) Starting the conversation is hard and it can be very difficult to tell if they really want to talk before they do, I guess that's part of why you want a good bartender because they'll usually start conver…

Acctually what I meant is, young people usually think talking and interacting to strangers is creepy. Like. Ok you can be creep, and is easy to look creep when you talking to a beatfull woman an is an insecure nerd. Been there, done that.

Re: The Loneliness Epidemic

#297

Post by dondawest »

war1025 wrote: post #289
dondawest wrote: post #285

Earlier quoted context omitted.

No way man, I bet if we found out the specifics we’d both deem him “clueless” on the GP hierarchy. Unless he literally works in a warehouse or in a position that is pure “worker bee,” $100 says if we knew the actual job title this guy held we’d deem him “clueless.” (Not that he actually IS clueless, who knows, I’m just using that word in the gervais principle sense of it). “I made a similar choice a couple of years a…

Your reading of that hierarchy is different from what I got out of it. Clueless are people buy into the "Arbeit makt frei" idea. In the linked article, the majority of people in the office (not even considering the warehouse) are losers. Stanley is the quintessential "loser", and he precisely optimizes for "slower-paced, less stressful". In fact, I'd go so far as to say it's the "worker bees" that are clueless. Dwigh…

I agree that many worker bees are “clueless” but that breaks the GP heuristics.

My reading seems similar but different to yours. I agree that it has nothing to do with social status outside of work: to me it’s about emotional processing.

I can’t recall the specific passage but I remember Venkat talking about how clueless people seek absolution in collective emotional processing. That’s what leads me to believe the dude you’re replying to is clueless.

I completely disagree that Stanley is a loser, to me he is a quintessential clueless. He’s working in the office, not the warehouse: he’s in middle management, so IMO he’s clueless by definition because he is part of the padding between the masters/sociopaths/bosses and the slaves/worker bees/losers.

I think your perspective is interesting but I feel like I am adhering slightly more strictly to the heuristics laid out in GP.

Re: The Loneliness Epidemic

#300

Post by war1025 »

dondawest wrote: post #297
war1025 wrote: post #289

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Your reading of that hierarchy is different from what I got out of it. Clueless are people buy into the "Arbeit makt frei" idea. In the linked article, the majority of people in the office (not even considering the warehouse) are losers. Stanley is the quintessential "loser", and he precisely optimizes for "slower-paced, less stressful". In fact, I'd go so far as to say it's the "worker bees" that are clueless. Dwigh…

I agree that many worker bees are “clueless” but that breaks the GP heuristics. My reading seems similar but different to yours. I agree that it has nothing to do with social status outside of work: to me it’s about emotional processing. I can’t recall the specific passage but I remember Venkat talking about how clueless people seek absolution in collective emotional processing. That’s what leads me to believe the du…

Directly from the article:

"""

The minimum-effort Loser Stanley tells him coldly, "this here is a run-out-the-clock situation." The line could apply to Stanley’s entire life.

"""

So either you are pulling your info from some more-original source than I am, or you're mis-remembering what the article says.

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