I'm no psychologist or some sort of an expert,so this is just my own life experience:
I grew up with quite a variety of people: some were pure criminals(drugs,roberry, extortion,theft),while others ended up being lawyers, mathematicians, businessman, doctors or civil servants. Some lacked brains while others lacked courage. Ultimately,if you feel lonely,drop FB, Instagram, WhatsApp and other crap.Just fucking delete that crap. There are always people who are interested in the way you think and are absolutely excited to listen and just talk to you till the sun rises... Feeling outspoken and like going to places? Go to those night clubs, restaurants or parties.Feel like being quiet persona in the corner? Well,join like-minded people, play Warhammer, build a train set and so on. Whatever you do,drop that Instagram/Facebook/LinkedIn bullshit,where everyone seems to be conquering the world.Just drop it. Go to the bloody library,local reading club, whatever. Also,learn how to listen. Actually hear what people are saying,how they feel. All this stuff turns into conversations, follow-up meetings and ultimately friendship or something more. there's plenty of space for everyone, despite of looks, character or anything else. It's not as hard as you make it!
The Loneliness Epidemic
191–200 of 337 posts
Re: The Loneliness Epidemic
#192It only makes sense for this epidemic to take place in the society we've developed. We are tearing apart the fabric and the bond that kept everyone feeling as a part of community; namely, religion. Religion was never designed for people to fear the man upstairs; it was always about the values and the bond it created between each member of that religion. Individualism and decadence are being more or less encouraged, o…
I grew up in a highly conservative and (according to statistics) religious society (Poland) and my observation is that it's not correlated. People who sought company in church were often disappointed, because most of the others who went there had lives of their own and weren't that invested in the whole thing. Hell, the loneliest people I know are consistently religious.
> Hell, the loneliest people I know are consistently religious.
I mean I know the exact opposite so I guess our anecdata are at an impass.
Re: The Loneliness Epidemic
#193Earlier quoted context omitted.
> People nowadays spend far more time at work than ever. A few generations ago kids worked at 10, there were no weekly limit, no weekends, no vacations, no security, no form of compensation if you get injured/die while working, no pension, no sick leave &c. In first world countries we never worked so little for so much comfort. > By the act of 1892 one day in the week, not necessarily Sunday, had to be given for enti…
I don't think it's particularly helpful to compare the present day to the late 19th century. The fact that things used to be worse does not excuse the fact that things also used to be better; living standards for the average American have regressed in many ways since the 1970s, which should be a cause of urgent concern.
>living standards for the average American have regressed in many ways since the 1970s,
With women's entry into the workforce plus the 1964 Hart-Cellar Act's lifting of immigration quotas the workforce more than doubled in the 70s. At that rate how was work compensation ever supposed to keep up? I'm not saying the trade-off wasn't worth it, but you can't 2-3x the labor pool and then pretend we don't know why wages decreased while competition for scare resources increased.
Re: The Loneliness Epidemic
#194The Screen and the Job have displaced almost everything else is our lives. Loneliness is just a primary symptom. The Screen, whether it’s TV, computer, or phone, has supplanted almost all social interactions. This manifests itself in things like SitComs on TV (just a bunch of friends or family hanging out) or Social Media on phones. It’s very easy to fill the social needs of right now with a Screen. But under even a…
> The average person has to consider all options in the light of both the current employer and the specter of tomorrow’s. Moving across the country for a high paying job? Great! Moving to be closer to friends? That’s a career killer. The median person lives just 18 miles away from their mom. 57% of Americans have never lived outside their home state. A third have never lived outside their hometown. The more I read ab…
>The more I read about it, I’m convinced “loneliness” is an upper middle class problem.
Yeah, exactly. You trade a social life for financial stability accompanied by loneliness. I've had one or the other, but not yet been able to find a balance. It's, very, very hard to do except for the few among us who have a highly desired technical skills (check) and excellent marketing skills (uh, nope). Those folks can run successful freelance/consulting businesses, work reasonable hours, and still make good money.
Re: The Loneliness Epidemic
#195Earlier quoted context omitted.
Very true. People think of verses like Leviticus 20:13 (homosexuals condemned to death) but forget verses like John 8:7, "Let he who is without sin throw the first stone." Perhaps one of the most relevant teachings of Jesus is from his Discourse on the Church when he says: "For where two or three gather together in My name, there am I with them." (Matthew 18:20)
I've got to be honest here, it's infuriating to see the extremely basic moral/social principles from the Bible held up on some kind of pedestal like they're a unique or difficult to come by idea. As an atheist I try to be a good person because it is something I innately want to do, not because it was a revelation I had in Bible study. The Bible did not invent "being nice to other people"
> The Bible did not invent "being nice to other people"
Yes, it kinda did, at least in Europe. But honestly, as someone coming from a Christian family from India, and seeing that christianity in India plays an outsized role (as in Indian Christians, not foreigners) in social services despite its status as a minority religion, I think it's safe to say that Christianity is uniquely into helping others. A few of our relatives were even jailed for 'marxism' for daring to think the poor ought to be treated with dignity.
Re: The Loneliness Epidemic
#196Earlier quoted context omitted.
I live in a place where the neighbors are likely to talk about their religion, their football team, their other football team, their kids, their kid's football team, something implicitly racist, something explicitly racist, their job/boss/business (or lack thereof), or their vehicle. I'd only want to hear about two of those things. I'd prefer to talk about events or ideas, or activities that interest me. It's far eas…
It's hard to make friends when you assume you're superior to everyone
im In the same position a lot of the time when meeting new people. It’s not because I feel superior, I just lack interest and any knowledge of sports and cars and most topics that a lot of other people use for small talk.
Now, if they want to talk about that time their fighter gutted an orc with an awesome double crit, I’m all ears, but Cowboys losing to some other team in sportsball, not so much.
Re: The Loneliness Epidemic
#197The Screen and the Job have displaced almost everything else is our lives. Loneliness is just a primary symptom. The Screen, whether it’s TV, computer, or phone, has supplanted almost all social interactions. This manifests itself in things like SitComs on TV (just a bunch of friends or family hanging out) or Social Media on phones. It’s very easy to fill the social needs of right now with a Screen. But under even a…
> The average person has to consider all options in the light of both the current employer and the specter of tomorrow’s. Moving across the country for a high paying job? Great! Moving to be closer to friends? That’s a career killer. The median person lives just 18 miles away from their mom. 57% of Americans have never lived outside their home state. A third have never lived outside their hometown. The more I read ab…
Doesn't that support the original comment? Given increasing income inequality, wage stagnation, and the "desirable" jobs being clustered amongst the upper-middle and upper classes, and your suggestion that the loneliness epidemic is concentrated to said groups, then it would seem to imply that it is increasingly a binary choice between career prospects and living near family/friends.
Re: The Loneliness Epidemic
#198Earlier quoted context omitted.
> The average person has to consider all options in the light of both the current employer and the specter of tomorrow’s. Moving across the country for a high paying job? Great! Moving to be closer to friends? That’s a career killer. The median person lives just 18 miles away from their mom. 57% of Americans have never lived outside their home state. A third have never lived outside their hometown. The more I read ab…
Interesting. Anecdotally, this checks out. All of my middle/lower-middle class friends from high school have long been married and raising families, almost in all cases raising them with their extended families. Most of my professional tech friends are barely getting started in their late 30s, and everyone who's started had basically put their career into a slower gear first. I made a similar choice a couple of years…
What you described here is essentially 'survivorship bias'. Also,just because someone married away into a cosy suburb with 2 kids and a nice hubby,it doesn't mean they aren't lonely. There are millions of people out there who would kill for a chance to have someone outside that "perfect" life just to talk openly with... All those "desperate housewives" don't get created without reason.
Re: The Loneliness Epidemic
#199Earlier quoted context omitted.
Seems to be more a problem of expectations than anything else, people are too focused on being successful than being happy, on having it all. I would gleefully take a pay cut to have a 35h work week _if my wage still allows me to eat out once 3x a week_, but I will work 40h + commute and feel always exhausted until I get there. See how easy is to fall on that trap.
why not make it a habit to talk to a stranger on the commuting train?
Because that can be a terrifying prospect for some.
Re: The Loneliness Epidemic
#200Earlier quoted context omitted.
Interesting. Anecdotally, this checks out. All of my middle/lower-middle class friends from high school have long been married and raising families, almost in all cases raising them with their extended families. Most of my professional tech friends are barely getting started in their late 30s, and everyone who's started had basically put their career into a slower gear first. I made a similar choice a couple of years…
By definition you wouldn't know many lonely people. The chronically lonely ones are going to be the people who didn't end up getting married when they "should" have, couldn't make it into a proper career or fell out of one at some point. Most upper middle class people won't be lonely since if you can afford a career you can afford a social life or you might even be forced into one. But of course uncertainty and insec…
This makes me think of a good friend from college that I lost touch with, who recently committed suicide. I felt a significant amount of guilt, thinking about the fact that I could have very easily stayed in touch with him, despite not living anywhere close. Really made me think about people that I've had friendships with in the past that I may be able to reach out to and make a difference in their lives just by being the one person (or one of a few) that they talk to on a semi-frequent basis.