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The Loneliness Epidemic

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Re: The Loneliness Epidemic

#181

Post by em-bee »

Circuits wrote: post #113

For me it is a rather paradoxical situation. On the one hand I am a very lonely person and on the other hand I like being alone. When I am alone I tend towards depression and crave social interaction but not all social interaction works. For instance, if I spend a day with my family it is usually great for about 2 or 3 hours and then all I can think about is getting home so I can be by myself again. For me it is not…

not paradoxical at all. i went through a similar experience. i found that for me the solution was to have very few but very close friends, including my wife. those then were the only people that i could socialize with without being exhausted. but even then i need a few hours to myself every day.

the hardest part was how long it took to understand the problem. you seem to understand the problem already, and that puts you into the position to do something about it.

you don't need to strike up the band. find activities that you are interested in. a hobby, or volunteer somewhere. the nice thing about both is that you are not expected to do it for the sake of meeting people, so you don't need to push yourself to talk to anyone, and noone will mind if you just focus on the work. the socialization will come eventually. by the time you get to look a woman into the eyes, you may already have shared your activities for a few months or more. i met my wife that way.

Re: The Loneliness Epidemic

#182

Post by WalterSear »

squish78 wrote: post #94
WalterSear wrote: post #79

Earlier quoted context omitted.

No, they feel it's so simplistic it borders on insensitive. This isn't about small talk.

I can't think of a single friendship that didn't start with small talk. I never expect a leap into deep philosophical quandaries with a stranger. Willingness to chitchat about mundane things creates a foundation of trust and familiarity that has led to many deep and meaningful relationships over the years.

It may be the start, but it's facetious to suggest that it is all that is sufficient to form friendships and community.

Re: The Loneliness Epidemic

#183

Post by agumonkey »

dexwiz wrote: post #34

The Screen and the Job have displaced almost everything else is our lives. Loneliness is just a primary symptom. The Screen, whether it’s TV, computer, or phone, has supplanted almost all social interactions. This manifests itself in things like SitComs on TV (just a bunch of friends or family hanging out) or Social Media on phones. It’s very easy to fill the social needs of right now with a Screen. But under even a…

TV when it was a single screen in house could still serve as social gathering time.

As a kid, having my own TV meant countless hours of video games and my own movies too. I enjoyed it more than I abused it.

Are smarphone/tablet TVs worse or the same ?

One difference, the kind of entertainment you had on TV wasn't that much thinking or discussing. It has different effects I suppose. Also TV had a different ethos (if I may).

One last thing, about my first point. Having a single TV meant disagreements about who decides what to watch. This led to having more TVs.. and now more screens too. Technology is the mirror of our own social bonds.. we need it but we also need to deal with the issues. It gives a weird form of peace of mind not to have to deal with others.

Re: The Loneliness Epidemic

#184

Post by alfwiefjalwe »

vonholstein wrote: post #96

This may seem somewhat out there, very uninformed or misanthropic, but I've been thinking about basic human needs(emotion,ego,the desire for companionship - both spiritual and otherwise) as vestigial evolutionary artifacts. Evolution and the survival of the human race required collaboration, those who did not died and failed to pass on their genes. In the modern age though, I could argue that close collaboration is n…

Some portion of humanity can undoubtedly thrive with limited/no social contract, but for the majority of us these "evolutionary artifacts" are still very real and consequently still exert a very real force on our lives.

Until the day comes that we are able to (if we are able to) remove these drives, neglecting them will continue to have deleterious effects.

Re: The Loneliness Epidemic

#185

Post by ryanmercer »

rayiner wrote: post #115
dexwiz wrote: post #34

The Screen and the Job have displaced almost everything else is our lives. Loneliness is just a primary symptom. The Screen, whether it’s TV, computer, or phone, has supplanted almost all social interactions. This manifests itself in things like SitComs on TV (just a bunch of friends or family hanging out) or Social Media on phones. It’s very easy to fill the social needs of right now with a Screen. But under even a…

> The average person has to consider all options in the light of both the current employer and the specter of tomorrow’s. Moving across the country for a high paying job? Great! Moving to be closer to friends? That’s a career killer. The median person lives just 18 miles away from their mom. 57% of Americans have never lived outside their home state. A third have never lived outside their hometown. The more I read ab…

>The median person lives just 18 miles away from their mom.

Oh God, I wish I did. She's not even 18ft away until she dies, and she'll probably outlive me.

Re: The Loneliness Epidemic

#186

Post by mikorym »

dexwiz wrote: post #34

The Screen and the Job have displaced almost everything else is our lives. Loneliness is just a primary symptom. The Screen, whether it’s TV, computer, or phone, has supplanted almost all social interactions. This manifests itself in things like SitComs on TV (just a bunch of friends or family hanging out) or Social Media on phones. It’s very easy to fill the social needs of right now with a Screen. But under even a…

I am the type to rejoice in cynicism. But, I have to say that I don't see the screen phenomenon as necessarily a bad thing—time spent in contemplation is time spent alone. I am a person too that likes to spend time outdoors, so maybe what I am saying is that there is a fine line between lonely and alone.

You can only be anti-social in the presence of other people. Otherwise you are simply alone.

Re: The Loneliness Epidemic

#187

Post by mikorym »

rayiner wrote: post #115
dexwiz wrote: post #34

The Screen and the Job have displaced almost everything else is our lives. Loneliness is just a primary symptom. The Screen, whether it’s TV, computer, or phone, has supplanted almost all social interactions. This manifests itself in things like SitComs on TV (just a bunch of friends or family hanging out) or Social Media on phones. It’s very easy to fill the social needs of right now with a Screen. But under even a…

> The average person has to consider all options in the light of both the current employer and the specter of tomorrow’s. Moving across the country for a high paying job? Great! Moving to be closer to friends? That’s a career killer. The median person lives just 18 miles away from their mom. 57% of Americans have never lived outside their home state. A third have never lived outside their hometown. The more I read ab…

Or: first world problems.

Re: The Loneliness Epidemic

#188

Post by swiley »

astura wrote: post #135
major505 wrote: post #73

Really. I think the big problem here is social networks. Nobody interact face to face.I used to go to bars , look for a pretty girl and pay her a drink to start a conversation. Nowdays this is considered creep. They expect that I download an app, wait for a match ans just goeet for a quick chat and maybe some action. Just turn of your computers and go to a bar. Interact to people. Start conversations with stranger pe…

I met my husband less than a decade ago in a bar. I still talk to strangers in bars now too. Its not any more creepy to socialize with strangers in bars now than it was in the past, as long as you respect boundaries and aren't a creep about it. The vast majority of people still meet their partners through "traditional" means, very, very few meet through sites and apps. And when I say "very, very few" I'm talking less…

I think he meant buying the drink is creepy. I go to bars on occasion and meet women my age and younger, but I've never bought them a drink because I feel the same way (although I don't think they expect it either.)

Starting the conversation is hard and it can be very difficult to tell if they really want to talk before they do, I guess that's part of why you want a good bartender because they'll usually start conversations with everyone.

Re: The Loneliness Epidemic

#189

Post by tathougies »

billconan wrote: post #55
rofo1 wrote: post #3

It only makes sense for this epidemic to take place in the society we've developed. We are tearing apart the fabric and the bond that kept everyone feeling as a part of community; namely, religion. Religion was never designed for people to fear the man upstairs; it was always about the values and the bond it created between each member of that religion. Individualism and decadence are being more or less encouraged, o…

> I am not aware of any society that lasted without religion and had strong communal ties. Take China for example, I don't think it is a country of religion, and on the other hand, I don't think the society lacks communal ties either. Traditionally, the Chinese society is organized or bonded by ancestry roots. According to [1], people sharing the same ancestry root first formed tribes, tribes then grouped together to…

Just because Chinese folk religion does not line up with American ideals of monotheistic religion does not mean it is not a religion.

Re: The Loneliness Epidemic

#190

Post by squish78 »

WalterSear wrote: post #182
squish78 wrote: post #94

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I can't think of a single friendship that didn't start with small talk. I never expect a leap into deep philosophical quandaries with a stranger. Willingness to chitchat about mundane things creates a foundation of trust and familiarity that has led to many deep and meaningful relationships over the years.

It may be the start, but it's facetious to suggest that it is all that is sufficient to form friendships and community.

I agree with you, and never suggested that it is all that is sufficient. It is a foundation from which deeper friendships and community will occur. Knowing someone starts with meeting someone
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